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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about people's emphasis on us 'hopefully' having a boy after two girls?

34 replies

SJBean · 16/01/2014 18:49

Feeling a bit odd about this and wondering if anyone has had a similar experience? We have two girls already and are 18 weeks pregnant. Obviously if in a hypothetical situation we could choose it would be a boy for the sake of variety. However I love having girls and am one of three girls myself so I'd be totally over the moon with another girl. People have started to annoy me though by constantly focussing on 'but it would be so lovely for you to have a boy wouldn't it?' And making lots of loaded statements to imply this. We weren't going to find out the sex as we didn't with the other two but I am tempted to now as I am getting anxious not about what it is but about everyone else's reactions to the sex which is ridiculous. Because of this in starting to think it would be better to just know! Anyone else had these feelings?

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 16/01/2014 18:51

People talk rubbish. I had two of one sex then one of the other. I had similar comments ignore them.

diddl · 16/01/2014 18:54

Smile & nod!

It's just conversation or people projecting!

That said, when pregnant with PFB, I was telling everyone I didn't care what it was-whilst desperately wanting a boyBlush

Of course, after having just the one boy, when I was pregnant again there were quite a few who said that I'd be wanting a girl next!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/01/2014 19:12

It drove me insane, was told DC2 was a girl (dc1 was a boy) and that wasn't good enough either as the scan could be wrong.

Bowlersarm · 16/01/2014 19:17

I think everyone experiences this when they are pregnant and already have 2,3 whatever of the same sex.

There isn't much you can say except that you are thrilled to be expecting dc3, and will be delighted whether it's a girl or a boy.

Sleepingbunnies · 16/01/2014 19:19

YANBU! After I had DD2 someone commented that now I had a 'reason' to try for a third Hmm

Lizzylou · 16/01/2014 19:20

I have two boys, people were saying "bet you are hoping for a girl" during 2nd pregnancy and then people asking if we were going to try for a gurl next.
They are just a bit hard of thinking. Ignore.
Congratulations Thanks

CrispyFB · 16/01/2014 19:21

I actually felt outraged on behalf of the girl who didn't exist as DC3 (DC3 is a boy!) as I used to get "Oh you must be so pleased you've got a boy now" all the time when I told people I was expecting a son after two girls.

I think some of it is that people are just scrabbling for something to say, but it was still annoying! What if the scan had been wrong?

WoodBurnerBabe · 16/01/2014 19:23

I had a girl followed by a boy. When I was pregnant with DC3, I had so many people ask me "But why? You already have one of each?" As if there was no other reason to have a third!

People will say stupid things while you are pregnant about almost everything you can think of, just smile and nod!

DC3 turned out to be a DD2, but we would have loved either way - I just wanted a third child :-)

BackOnlyBriefly · 16/01/2014 19:23

I doubt that most people who ask are desperate for it to be one or the other. It's just that there's only so much someone can say.

"So you're pregnant... that's nice... err morning sickness a problem.... err are you hoping for a boy/girl this time..ermmm... have you picked out a name?".

There you go. That's my entire stock of things to say to someone who is pregnant

Andanotherthing123 · 16/01/2014 19:25

I have 2 DS and DC3 on the way in 2 weeks. At first lots of people said 'bet you want a girl' but as I've gone on, I've just said I haven't a preference over gender and everyone's been very Enthusiastic over the 'surprise' element Instead.

Try not to let it get you - people really are just making conversation or thinking about what they'd want in the same situation.

jellybeans · 16/01/2014 19:28

I got this too as had 2 DDs first. Mostly comments like 'I bet your hubby is desperate for a son' and even 'your husband must have weak sperm to have only girls' Angry

Madasabox · 16/01/2014 19:38

I had the same thing as I had a DD first and then a DS. When DS was born I got a lot of "you clever thing" comments (as if it can be controlled!) and then when I got pregnant with DC3 lots of people said "why?, when you already have one of each?" as if that was the only reason!

maillotjaune · 16/01/2014 19:47

I had this lots when pregnant with DS3 but the best comment was when he was about 5 days old and I walked the older two to school. A woman dropping her granddaughter off at school looked in the pram, said 'Oh, you poor thing' and did a head-shaking, sad face at me.

theborrower · 16/01/2014 20:07

YANBU!

I'm pregnant with baby #2 (have a daughter already). My MIL, when I told her i was pregnant and joked that we were stopping at 2, said "but what if you have another girl??". Grrrr.

herecomesthsun · 16/01/2014 20:16

oooh 2 girls and a baby could be sooo lovely either way! congratulations

JanePurdy · 16/01/2014 20:18

Someone told me they would pray for me when I was pregnant with DC2 & I disclosed that DC1 was a girl Hmm

hedwiggywiggerson · 16/01/2014 20:19

Am fully expecting this in reverse after 2 ds's if we ever manage to conceive dc3! Gritting my teeth at the thought.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 16/01/2014 20:22

Sleepbunnies, I had the opposite. I already had a boy and a girl so why did I want another baby Hmm.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 16/01/2014 20:24

I've got 2 dds.

I genuinely feel sorry for people who think like this - what, so you think I would value my child more simply because of the sex they are? Why? It just sounds so shallow.

I was out with my friend and her friend a little while ago - they both have a girl and a boy, for whatever reason the subject of having a 3rd baby came up and my friend's drunk friend was nudging my friend and theatrically going saying "we're just SO lucky, having one of each".

I felt sorry for her, I love my DDs for who they are and feel very lucky to have them. She obviously feels that their value comes from their differing genders. Weird.

nevergoogle · 16/01/2014 20:26

i guess what we've learned from this thread is that people really are twats.

Third boy due in April. People really are twats.

RedHelenB · 16/01/2014 20:27

YABU - people are only saying what you've just said!!

Idreamofsunshine · 16/01/2014 20:29

YANBU its exactly the same if you have 2 ds. People are bizarre

SaucyJack · 16/01/2014 20:30

I'm pregnant with my third girl and if anyone said anything like that to me then I'd just think they were the twat.

I am a card-carrying SMOG tho which is most likely why noone's actually bothered/dared say it to my face.

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 16/01/2014 20:30

Haha, true redhelen, OP - you said:

"Obviously if in a hypothetical situation we could choose it would be a boy for the sake of variety."

Why is it obvious? You're just as bad! If I went for a third (which I won't) I'd want another girl.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 16/01/2014 20:31

I have a boy and we are having number.2. I've had people ask me if I'm wanting a girl. It makes my head hurt.

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