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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he's not that into me?

32 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 15/01/2014 23:29

Just had a huge row with soon to be ex dp. It just seems that he always wants me to travel to his. I don't mind and he does sometimes come to mine but recently he has been moaning on and on about how skint he is and how he cannot afford the petrol to see me.
It is half an hour away and it would cost him about a fiver. I'm not asking him to come over every frigging night... Just one a week or even fortnight. So he's too skint to afford a fiver a fortnight to see me?
Initially we agreed on alternating visits but recently I've been doing all the running. He's on at least 18,000 a year but pays maintenance .
Even so I still earn less than him and have to pay for sitters. He told he I must get more than him what with my benefits. I told him he comes across as tight, controlling an dun romantic. He says I have judged him unfairly and has thrown his toys out of the pram. He is not talking. So who is being unreasonable here? I did apologise as I felt bad for saying that stuff but goodness I was hurt.

OP posts:
BOFtastic · 15/01/2014 23:30

LTB

BOFtastic · 15/01/2014 23:31

To elaborate, yes, he's just not that into you. And u bet you're lovely. Don't waste your time, you deserve better.

BOFtastic · 15/01/2014 23:32

I bet! Not u. I never say u.

superstarheartbreaker · 15/01/2014 23:35

He is a twat...no?

OP posts:
Thatisall · 15/01/2014 23:35

LTB

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 06:20

I have dumped him. If there's one thing I hate it's being ignored. He knows how devastated I have been this week about our tow and he has just completely ignored me. It's very painful.
He hasn't answered my calls etc . Just the other day we were all getting on as a family then one disagreement and he clams up. He's blaming me for inconsistency but what he really wants is a yes woman who does all the running.

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 06:21

Row sorry.

Another thing is I have started a new job and I think he feels threatened by it.

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LineRunner · 16/01/2014 06:32

Morning, superstar. And it is a fine morning to be starting out on a whole new chapter without Mr Tightwad Sulkybottom weighing you down.

I'm sure he had a couple of nice points that you'll miss for about ten minutes, but the freedom from the hurt and the games will be very refreshing.

ineedabodytransplant · 16/01/2014 16:27

Do you know what? As a bloke I can't get over how other 'men' treat women like something they have trod on. Makes me sick. I was brought up to respect other people. And although I am of an age where I was 'trained' that women were to be treated with additional respect I also realise that things have changed a lot and that women are equals not different.
Even so I can't get my head round how many women seem to almost accept that it's OK for the men who are supposed to care for them to actually treat them like shit.

ineedabodytransplant · 16/01/2014 16:29

Superstar,

just think that this is the first day of the rest of your life. Without him dragging you down.

New job, new life. Enjoy.

You will probably feel sad for a while but I hope that eventually you will see how much better off you are.

Dahlen · 16/01/2014 16:33

Good for you for dumping him. Absolutely the right decision.

Brew and Flowers just in case the Angry wears off later and you feel a bit Sad even though you know you made the right call.

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 19:49

We had a lovely conversation tonight. He says that he loves me but he literally has 65.00 in his account til the end of the month. He then told me he was on £28,000 a year. So where the hell is the rest of the money gone? I think he gambles tbh. He says that he cannot be with me right now because of my anxiety issues but mabe we could meet up as friends for a pint in the future. Er...no.
I gave him a spa voucher for Christmas. He texted me earlier today and asked me if I wanted him to go the spa with him as just friends. Er.....again.no. He admits that this is probably not a good plan. He is so full of shit.
So he loves me but not enough to spend some of his 28,000 a year on travelling to see me. Also he says that he needs lightness in his life and that things were 'heavy' between us. In other words when I pulled him up on his reluctance to travel he couldn't deal with it.

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 16/01/2014 20:00

Sounds like he wants you to show up on his doorstep, shag him and make no demands on him in any way.

Unless he's the proud owner of a solid gold dick, it's probably not worth it.

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 20:04

No. It really isn't that good.

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Only1scoop · 16/01/2014 20:07

Definately sounds like he's cooling off I think.

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 20:08

I am very hurt but I know it will pass.

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ForalltheSaints · 16/01/2014 20:09

As a man, my view is that he deserves to be dumped and I hope he doesn't get the chance to be as mean to someone else.

PedantMarina · 16/01/2014 20:17

I'd say LTB, but it's really DCTTBAM*

*Don't Commute To The Bastard Any More

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 22:23

So why does he want to be friends and meet up in two weeks for a pint? Sex?

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MsVestibule · 16/01/2014 22:34

He doesn't love you. He may be quite fond of you and enjoys your company, but he doesn't love you. I don't think he does really want to meet you in a couple of weeks; he's just trying to let you down gently.

The best course of action is to just let him go and delete his number. Easier said than done, I know.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 16/01/2014 22:41

So why does he want to be friends and meet up in two weeks for a pint? Sex?

Yes.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 16/01/2014 22:41

And you'll probably pay for the pint..

Tulip26 · 16/01/2014 22:53

Wine Sounds like a twat, enjoy your new found freedom x

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 22:54

Grin I mean that sum of money is damn fine. So why does he live in poverty?

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superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2014 22:58

He is also a master gas lighter. I came up with the idea of going to the races. He says it was his idea.
He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship then denied it.
Then telling me he wanted to move closer to his son then winging when I was encouraging him rather than begging him to stay near me. I could go on.

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