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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs going away on my birthday?

33 replies

Hadmeathello · 15/01/2014 20:22

Every year my teen DDs go a fri-sun camping trip with a club they go to. They love it and look forward to catching up with people they've met in previous years.
This year the fri of the camping trip falls on my 40th birthday. I'm not planning a huge celebration but would like to organise a family meal out with my parents and siblings. Would it be awful of me to ask them not to go camping this year to accommodate my birthday? I genuinely have no clue if this is unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/01/2014 20:24

Can you organise the meal for the Thursday or Monday?

formerbabe · 15/01/2014 20:24

Yabu... let them go, have a meal on another day.

gamerchick · 15/01/2014 20:25

Yeah it is a bit. Have another birthday when she's back if it's Important.

It's my40th next year and I want it a child free weekend away. It's really not a big deal.

Tweasels · 15/01/2014 20:25

I suppose it depends on the individual. I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to cancel a trip for my birthday but I know many people take their birthdays a lot more seriously than me.

SlightlyTerrified · 15/01/2014 20:25

I personally would not ask them not to go, they will have a lot more fun camping than a meal out - could you maybe go for a nice meal just your immediate family on the Thursday?

I am not necessarily sure it is unreasonable not to ask them if they would consider not going though, they may decide they would prefer to not go this time.

SlightlyTerrified · 15/01/2014 20:26

I meant it is not necessarily unreasonable to ask them . . .

NightOfTheCactus · 15/01/2014 20:26

I don't know if it's unreasonable or not either. In your position, I would probably have the family meal on a night close to it so they can do both. Perhaps you could do something extra on the day itself too so you feel like you're pampering yourself then too?

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 15/01/2014 20:26

They will resent you for not letting them go which will not lead to a happy birthday anyway so let them go I say and have some adult time Smile

BackforGood · 15/01/2014 20:26

YABU - just organise the get together on another day.
I've always held my birthday celebrations away from my actual birthday as mine is a day when not many people would be able to come. It doesn't matter at all - I'd FAR rather celebrate with everyone there, so hold it when it's convenient for everyone, not ask them to not do things they enjoy just so it can be on a particular day.
Doubly so if it means them missing a whole weekend they enjoy, not just a thing on the one evening.

WooWooOwl · 15/01/2014 20:27

Have the meal the night before they go.

PastaandCheese · 15/01/2014 20:29

I think YABU. I'd just choose another night to go out.

Original poster
Hadmeathello · 15/01/2014 20:35

That seems pretty unanimous then. Tbh I suspected as much. I think I have a tendency to be a bit precious about my birthday.

OP posts:
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 15/01/2014 20:46

Thank goodness for mn OP eh? Have a happy birthday x

Original poster
Hadmeathello · 15/01/2014 20:57

This is very true Fish. Is it unreasonable to wish they didn't want to be away on my birthday? Hmm

OP posts:
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 15/01/2014 20:59

Not at all. You rarely come first as a mother though. Make the best of it Smile, you can still have a great bday and they will realise at some date in the future how wonderfully unselfish you are

3bunnies · 15/01/2014 21:02

Do you have any other dependant dc? I went away with friends for my 40th, was great fun, had birthday with family another day. You could have fun weekend with friends/romantic night in hotel PLUS a family party.

DeWe · 15/01/2014 21:03

If it's only once a year camp then I would have my birthday either the day before or after they've come back.
My dc go on a camp once a year, and it's something they start looking forward to the next as soon as they've finished one.

WaitMonkey · 15/01/2014 21:08

YABU, it's only a birthday.

Original poster
Hadmeathello · 15/01/2014 21:13

They don't know there's a clash yet but I'm not going to ask them not to go. I'm incredibly close to them both and we go away together for a weekend a couple of times a year. I'll just miss them being there on the day.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 15/01/2014 21:14

I would send my DD away with my blessing, and have a birthday meal with just her when she got back. You can still celebrate on the day with other family members.

WhenWhyWhere · 15/01/2014 21:18

Glad to see that you have acknowledged you are BU. I was also going to say YABU. It really wouldn't bother me at all. I'd just delay my birthday celebration.

BackforGood · 15/01/2014 21:31

In fact, the more I think about it - what a bonus they will be away.... you can go away for a weekend, or overnight yourself, have a lovely birthday weekend (don't know if you have dh or partner? or could go with 'the girls') and then do the family stuff the weekend before or after.
Sorted Smile

Catsmamma · 15/01/2014 21:36

I'm also a bit precious about my birthday, but I'd see it as an excuse to make it a birthday week

Start the friday before....you are only 40 once! have the family dinner, let them spoil you all week and then round it off on the actual day with a lovely treat for you and AN Other or just something you really want to do.

Caitlin17 · 15/01/2014 22:06

I had a very formal , let's all get dressed up meal for my 40th which I shared with a friend who had just turned 40 although my real birthday was a couple of weeks to go. Friends only , no family and no children.

I then had a birthday lunch at home close friends only on the Saturday nearest my 40th , my son aged 9 and a couple of friends daughters 7 and 9 were there which was probably a mistake.

Thetallesttower · 15/01/2014 22:09

I did loads of stuff for my 40th, but not so much on the day itself. Perhaps you and your partner (if you have one) or good friends could go out on the Friday and have a grown-up night or even a weekend away. Then do something really special on another weekend with the whole family.

I got a week's holiday plus a lovey dinner plus a nice day out out of my 40th, milk it for all it's worth!