To not want to justify DLA for dd.

[hickorychicken]

Im not pleased, dp just came back from his parents and was having to justify to his mum and brother why we claim DLA for dd (severe autism)!
They were saying why should we get more money for dd...
I am under no illusion that our lives will get easier with the extra help but i feel like they are judging us!
dd's DLA is spent on her nursery as we feel she needs the sessions we pay for (this was coming out of wages before, and skinting us) and things like extra laundry, nappies for her size, extra bills we run up etc but its made me feel like shit, we shouldnt have to be doing this surely, especially for her family!
Who coincedently still think theres nothing wrong with dd, although will not and never have babysit (although they offer with dd2).
Im just pissed off.

You've got every right to be pissed off. They sound like arseholes.

YANBU at all. DS2 gets DLA and I get very cross when people say that he shouldn't get it or that he isn't disabled.

It's none of their business and I'd tell them that too

Just tell them you're looking forward to being able to claim your free car when she's older :rolls eyes: I wouldn't engage tbh - they don't sound very understanding.

My arse hole of a mother made me feel like absolute shit last week in a similar circumstance and I feel terrible now too.

My youngest son has severe health issues and gets higher rate DLA (so surely that goes to show how serious his condition is? Which has actually got significantly worse since I applied for it) yet my Daily Mail faithful mother said I need to get off my 'lazy arse and get a job' despite me having just told her that he had woken me over 20 times the night before (typical of the issues he has).

I asked her if she was basically saying I was benefits scum (knowing full well she was an avid DM follower) and she said yes.

Now Ive been feeling all week like Im screwing the system.

Like I fucking well planned for my son to be born with these life threatening issue.

No one should have to justify their money to anyone. Least of all when in receipt of DLA.

I think it is sad that DGP know so little about their own DGC and refuse to understand just because they are not in a wheelchair it does not mean they have not got a disability that leads to extra expenses. I would get my DH to let them know how ashamed you are of their behaviour and how unfair they are being to you and your DD.

OHfor I hope you stop feeling ashamed for needing to claim benefits to support your DS. Just feel ashamed you have a DM that reads the Daily Mail!! You have a full time job supporting your DS. Her role as his DGM is to at least try to understand his condition and the affect it has on your lives. She has done a pretty shi**y job of that though.

Do not feel sad you are a champion in your DS life!

We got the same when we started receiving dla for dd1. We had enough money apparently, and shouldn't take state handouts. I asked if they would be returning their winter fuel allowance. Apparently that's different.

Ignore the ignorant.

We got the same when we started receiving dla for dd1. We had enough money apparently, and shouldn't take state handouts. I asked if they would be returning their winter fuel allowance. Apparently that's different.

Ignore the ignorant.

YANBU

but you should never feel you have to justify or explain it to anyone, it's nobody's buisiness but your own

We receive DLA for our ds who has a moderate hearing loss, I have given up justifying why he needs it and how expensive his "ears" are. I wrote the truth on the form and it was awarded, probably just like you! Ignore them, they clearly have no idea about all the extras that you do for your dd, and don't whatever you do feel guilty about the extra money, your dd like my ds has additional needs, she is entitled to this money....,

While going through my 'I have 2 DC with additional needs' grieving process (still ongoing 2 years later) I realised that I would give everything I own, work for free for the rest of my days and chuck a couple of limbs in to be able to take my kids conditions away from them. Getting DLA means we have been able to buy therapy, nappies and I have been able to cut down the hours I work so as to provide appropriate care for them both.

Really, really pay no heed to your PIL-if they can't understand your child's disability then they are worse than useless.

Imply I love your reply
Why do older people think they can take it but others that actually need it more can't

Sorry they are really rude op please do not feel guilty you need that money and it's only right for you to have it

I thought it was unbelievably hard to get DLA now, and that you had to jump through a ridiculous number of hoops for it.

So point out to your DM-reading relatives that this surely must be 'proof' (as if you needed any justification - idiots!) that you're more than deserving of it.

And don't they want the best you can get for your DC?

Some 'family' they are...

I started reading the OP and I was waiting for the 'and they don't believe in autism/don't understand autism' comment. That's why. They're completely ignorant. If people don't understand the condition or disability, willfully or not, then they're going to extend that attitude to any money received because of it.

I don't know what the answer is, sadly, apart from don't discuss your finances with them because why should you? It's none of their business.

Sorry for no reply, we just had dds portage worker over.
Ty so much for brilliant replies.
This is the Mil who claims esa but has been refused at every point of appeal and is commiting benefit fraud, so she is ok to do that yet dd should get fudge?
Ive had enough of the shitty attutude tbh, they pretty much think we are exaggerating with dds problems.... while we were in the process of getting a diagnosis if mentioned the reply would be "we you dont know yet, you mighht not be diagnosed with anything" We fucking knew!! Anyone with eyes could see but nope, not them.
Dp finds himself justifing stuff all the time to them like the reason we work our days around dds (when not at work). Im sick to death of it, im going over on friday and i wont hold my tongue as well as dp.

Urrrghhh, they sound like arseholes. Very few people know I receive DLA, purely because I know some relatives would made ridiculous comments.

IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE!

Fuck 'em. They're hypocrites as well as being wilfully ignorant. If you do give them a proper telling off, come back and update us if you can!

I have the opposite problem with my family. My DS's autism isn't that bad, in my eyes anyway, but they're constantly on at me about all that I can claim (they're wildly wrong - thinking that we'd qualify for a motability car when DS only qualifies for the lower mobility rate but is under age 5, so he's not eligible; thinking that we qualify for full housing benefit when in fact we only get £40 per week, that sort of thing).

It's very wearing having to go 'No, I've looked into it. No, we don't qualify. Yes, I'm very sure.' all the time.

Can we merge the two families somehow and then each of us will have a normal one?

I will definately update, this all started because dp mentioned we are taking the kids away in june and they wanted to know how we can afford it (butlins not vegas haha) and dp said wed had our tax credits backdated. Forget the fact i work 60hr weeks some weeks but we were still poor due to paying extra for stuff die to dds illness and i earn min wage. Im mad i think because i cant just call her and gob at her id look crazy, ive just gotta wait for an inane comment while im there, which means waiting until friday. Ive told dp to not even mention anything we are doing from now on.

Why are you spending time with them?

I get DLA for DS.

Only a few people know, I don't like discussing DS medical problems to people.

Op Yanbu

Sometimes we used DS money to give DD some respite from ds, mil will have DS for the weekend and the 3 of us go out.

Im not so much but because of dds routine she HAS to go there every day after nursery, if it were up to me id give them a very wide berth but dd loves it there
Its a bit shit tbh. I get told im lazy because i am at home (on mat leave) with dd2 (3 weeks) and in pjs sometimes at 11am by bil who hasnt had a job in 7 years and isnt arsed. I want to scream! No actually, i want to strangle them, but failing that swap lives for a day.

Thats lovely forty.
Disabilities affect complete family units not just the disabled. I'll be back at work by june and have just booked 3 nights, but i feel guilty, i dont know if its because they dont do stuff like this and are projecting onto us