To get pissed off some days with living with a fussy eater.

[jimijack]

DH.

He is perfectly capable of making his own meals but it's nice for us all to sit down and eat the same meal of an evening.

He is rubbing off on ds which pisses me off the most.

He has annoyed me tonight with his fussiness, I could happily tip tomorrow's tea over his head right now.

Frustrating is an understatement.

threebats

One of mine with asd does this as well only his is green.

Have you ever tried food colouring? It's not ideal and you wouldn't want to do it all the time but it may help you save a bit on one or two meals.

Not sure how well yellow colouring would work but its worth a try

I agree with the 'not liking lots of foods' comment re being fussy.

Blah blah children in the third world would eat pigs toenails or whatever. That doesn't mean that I should eat tomatoes. I don't like them, the texture is horrible and they don't taste nice. I don't like a lot of other foods. People seem to think that I should eat them just so as not to be 'fussy'. Fuck off, I'm an adult and can control what I eat. I had enough miserable time as a child choking down stuff I didn't like just because I was told I should. It didn't change the fact that I didn't like it, it just made me unhappy and anxious around food.

To me there are people who have food related issues and then there are fussy eaters. In my experience the fussy eaters are the annoying ones because they choose to be awkward (again in my experience)

Example, Christmas Day at my mums, dp eats carrots sprouts peas parsnips and gravy. - it's self service in the middle of the table due to the fussies in the room, he chooses to eat them. At home all he wants is chicken nuggets and chips or pizza and he would never eat veg.

When all they want is junk food it makes me think they are fussy. A person with real food issues for what I've seen and what I've read here doesn't seem to single out healthy food, generally it's specific tastes of textures.

I do eat pretty much anything but I HATE tuna, so I understand how strongly you can dislike something.

Either way there it's never a reason to be rude.

I am fussy. I hate it. But I hate eating foods that I don't enjoy. As an adult, I don't see why I should have to.

But, that said, if I am presented with a meal that I don't like when at someone's home, I make an effort to eat as much of it as I can. It is polite, so I do it.

At home, I cook the meals. So they do tend to reflect my tastes. Because I feel sorry for DH about this, I have tried to expand our meals. I hate have vegetables in mixed up in my food, but accept that in some meals, they should be there. So I chop them up either into very small pieces so I don't notice them (hiding from myself) or I chop them into very large pieces that I can pick out. But I often do genuinely forget to add vegetables to a meal if it's not in the recipe - as sides, I never remember. DH occasionally makes a plaintive request for vegetables.

I loathe going out to places like Indian restaurants. Not because I dislike the food (I have tried it!) but because I find it horribly embarrassing to order the English food. I don't want to order the English food, make special requests, be the fussy eater.

There is being fussy and there is being rude. I try to be polite, I don't object to going out to places I don't like if that's where the majority want to go and I try to find something that will work for me.

Being fussy is not a choice for me. I don't choose to live like this. I don't enjoy it. I find food stressful. Fussy eater bashing threads don't help. Most of them are actually that X is being rude about being fussy. There is a very big difference.

I get called a fussy eater and I definitely was as a child but I don't think I am now. I will try anything and eat most things unless I already know I don't like them (e.g. loathe aniseed and coriander, but can manage coriander in strong curries if it's not the main flavour).

I accept that some people just cannot or will not face some foods for whatever reason. The problem I have is when it's an adult refusing to eat anything other than kids' food. This sounds like what OP's husband is doing.

We had a wedding guest who was like this. I was pretty stressed organising the whole thing mostly on my own whilst also doing a stressful job and a part-time degree, so was overreacting to lots of things anyway, but when I got this RSVP from this chap's wife, re her Fussy Eater H, I really lost it. We didn't send out a menu with the invitations, just asked people to say if they were veggie or had any allergies. This is what his wife said: "FEH requires a simple diet and would like to have haddock and chips (not chunky) for his meal. If not, plain chicken breast and potatoes (no bones or veg please)." WTAF. Sure, we'll get our venue with its rather niche style of catering to do something just for him, because after all, it's all about him... oh wait, no it isn't. Not like it was complicated cooking he was asking for, but the 'requires a simple diet' and 'no veg' and not chunky chips and 'haddock' as opposed to cod, cos heaven forbid they taste slightly different... He bloody well doesn't 'require' anything, he's just a 45yr old child! And if he doesn't like veg then just leave it on your bloody plate. Etc.

breathes

I did lose it ridiculously at poor DH even though he agreed with me. In the end we arranged for FEH to have 2 child's meals instead, which wasn't much hassle tbh but still annoyed me as we had to pay the price of the adult meal for 2 x portions of the kids' meal - chicken nuggets vs steak, not exactly the same price range.

Luckily DH thinks this couple (his friends) are more than a bit mental so we don't really see them often. We married a few years ago and I'm still not over it (obvious much?) so I don't think OP is being remotely U to complain about dealing with this every single day!

Sorry that was such a long vent!

The point was just that while some people have genuine reasons, I think some are just being difficult/immature/whatever you want to call it. When it affects other people beyond reason, that isn't on, and it's affecting OP's DS.

agree with the 'not liking lots of foods' comment re being fussy. Blah blah children in the third world would eat pigs toenails or whatever. That doesn't mean that I should eat tomatoes. I don't like them, the texture is horrible and they don't taste nice. I don't like a lot of other foods. People seem to think that I should eat them just so as not to be 'fussy'. Fuck off, I'm an adult and can control what I eat. I had enough miserable time as a child choking down stuff I didn't like just because I was told I should. It didn't change the fact that I didn't like it, it just made me unhappy and anxious around food.

This ^^

If I were to be forced to eat a food I dislike (cauliflower for example) I would heave. Continue to force me and I would be sick. I am sure that if this were done enough, to the exclusion of any other food, eventually I would eat it and hopefully keep it down.
Why on earth would I do that? Like the above poster, many mealtimes as a child consisted of me being made to sit there crying and gagging until I finished.
Food shouldn't be a punishment.

However, there are many polite ways of evading the foods you dislike/cannot tolerate. There is no need to be rude or extra difficult about it.

I think of myself as fussy but after reading I don't think I'm that bad.
I won't eat mince, offal, beef, lamb under any circumstance - I don't like them. I'm not a natural carnivore and only eat meat as I know I should for protein.
Eggs - I'll eat them but never soft/hard boiled or fried with a runny yolk. Nothing and no one could force me I'd vomit.

I love all fruit and veg though, with the exception of mushy peas.

My own DC's were not really fussy as children, they each don't like a few different vegetables/fruits. 2 like cheese 1 doesn't really - that kind of thing.

My Dp will literally eat anything, the only thing he has an aversion is butter and that's because of his mum spreading it thick on sandwiches when he was young.

I feel for all those who have to cook different meals at mealtimes it must be a huge pita.

Fussy eaters are a right royal PITA. My DH has genuine allergies which require an epipen, and even he is reluctant to mention his dietary requirements and not just eat what's in front of him. In fact, he has eaten meals before that have then made him ill, just so as not to offend the person who made them. Now that is stupid, I agree. But the reason he feels embarrassed to make a fuss is because he doesn't want to be lumped in with all the hordes of annoying fussy people with 'mild intolerances' or 'sensitive palates'.

If he can sodding well choke down something that will then turn his lips blue and make him vomit all night, overgrown adult children can damn well eat some vegetables. And stop whining about it.

Unfortunately, I seem to attract fussy eaters like unpleasant moths to a flame. I make a new friend, think they're lovely, invite them round for dinner and BAM. Lengthy email with long list of exclusions. FFS! I'm not sure how it keeps happening.

DH wS fussy (no veg, no gish, no cheese to name a few), but he has come around to most of them. He has slways been grateful if I cooked for him, even if it was not on his ok list, and gradually got used to my way of eating. He fors not eat mussels or carrots, but everyone is allowed a few dislikes.

DS was fussy from the start (powder milk refuser, went from boob to cow's milk at 1). But I don't pander to it. i am sympathetic and tell him I know it is not his favourite, but he should at least try a bit, and never be rude about it. It has taken years and years , never any pressure, but always asking bim to try a tiny bit. He now eats most things, so gentle perseverance works well, IMO, with afults AND kids.

You can still cook veg OP, and if uour H doesn't eat it, so what. You do not have to adapt your diet to his! If he wants something else, he can buy and cook it himself.

It is not fussy eating I mind, it is a rude ungrateful attitude that would offend me!

Your husband is a grown man and can eat what he likes.

It is not your job to prepare food for him, so either do it with grace or (as is your right) don't do it.

Easy.

I think there's a difference between fussiness and not liking raw tomatoes or mushrooms, neither of which dh likes or mackerel (I can't face it) and being generally fussy.

Noble if you came to my house I wouldn't use tomatoes. It isn't difficult to make dishes without them. But wider fussiness as in all vegetables is rather wearing and being 40 odd and only eating nuggets and chips for example is childish and people with fussiness this extreme should try to widen their eating range a little, if only for health reasons. Surviving on proceeded chicken and chips isn't great for anyone.

My DH has genuine allergies which require an epipen, and even he is reluctant to mention his dietary requirements and not just eat what's in front of him. In fact, he has eaten meals before that have then made him ill, just so as not to offend the person who made them. Now that is stupid, I agree. But the reason he feels embarrassed to make a fuss is because he doesn't want to be lumped in with all the hordes of annoying fussy people with 'mild intolerances' or 'sensitive palates'.

I feel for your DH! I have a severe allergy and although I know I have a very real medical reason to make a 'fuss', it can still be horrifically embarrassing when I have to check that the meal I'd like is allergen free.

Most people are far more understanding of a serious allergy than 'fussyness' and acknowledge the difference, but there are a few who assume that saying 'I have an allergy' means you're trying to be trendy/cool/whatever.

Fussyness = fussiness

YANBU OP, the kind of fussiness that your husband display would drive me to absolute bloody distraction.

Everyone has a few foods they really don't like, that's perfectly fine, but for an adult to refuse all fruit and veg and for their favourite meal to be chicken nuggets and chips is pathetic. What a baby.

Fussy eater, Celine Dion fan, lives with his Mum - all good reasons for me to ditch someone after the first date.

I'm another who doesnt like certain things. A lot of it is to do with texture. Not keen on wet savoury food of any sort and will actively avoid soups, stews, casseroles.

DM used to serve these always regularly because that was what DF liked.

Now I am an adult I can choose not to eat them. DH does the cooking and knows this. I would think he was being pretty unpleasant if he insisted that I ate them.

Of course I never look at what he is cooking and say yuk but being grownups we discuss meals and agree on things we will both like.

Meant to say my father hates cheese. I'll eat it cold and love it but not cooked at all, but he won't go near cheese full stop. He has always hated it.

When he was young, his parents realised it wasn't just a bit of dislike, he seriously had a problem with it. Whether now he'd be checked for some allergy or something, who knows. Anyway, at his primary school, they were often served cheese, which he would leave. Unfortunately it was a rather old-fashioned school and they would make him eat it. At which he would be sick. The school continued with this lovely policy and every time, he would be sick.

Understandably, his made it even worse for my dad. And one day he just couldn't bear to be sick again. So he bit the end off his own tongue so they couldn't make him.

peppin I identify with your DH. I have an egg and nut allergy and carry an epi pen. I hate making a fuss about it as I don't like putting people out or seeming like I'm being difficult about not eating something.

enormouse if you have allergies so severe that you need to carry an epi pen you should absolutely make a 'fuss', although in your case it isn't a fuss at all, it's ensuring you stay alive.

I think I could cope with fussiness (to some extent) as long as it wasn't accompanied with rudeness.

I do nearly all the cooking at home. My DH is a fussier eater than me, though not majorly fussy. If it's a meal he doesn't really like, he'll still be perfectly polite about it - occasionally he'll leave something, or have a small portion.

We are both really strict with the kids about that too - it's okay for them to leave stuff, but no shouting 'Yuk' or wailing 'Dooooonnnn't liiiiiiike iiiiiiiit' or similar. It's just rude.

How is it anybody's business to be able to say it's pathetic and childish if an adults favourite meal is chicken nuggets and chips? How rude! So what if it bloody well is?!

Fine if someone likes chicken nuggets and chips, but saying 'ewwww yucky' to all fruit and vegetables and disliking anything that isn't chicken nuggets and chips is absolutely ridiculous in an adult!

Not rude, factual.

squoosh I do but I don't like having to do it. Luckily dp is very vocal and makes a point of double checking things and stressing that it's perfectly reasonable for me to do so.

A few times I've been made to feel like I'm really putting people out. My ex was awful about the whole thing - if I made a fuss I was being difficult, if I had a reaction I was being difficult and it was my fault for not stressing the point. I've also had comments made along the lines of 'you're worse than a vegetarian', 'you're not allergic, you just don't want to get fat from eating cakes' etc etc.

Sound like you made a good swap between ex and dp enormouse!

Anyone giving a person with life threatening allergies grief over their menu choices is a grade A *.