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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is odd and am right to be, shall we say, intrigued...

85 replies

thegirliesmam · 14/01/2014 18:24

my OH for want of a better word has been an utter cock. in his treatment of me and our relationship for 2.5 years of its 4 year run. he got busted. but after a period of what could only be seen as punishment, but necessary venting may be another way of putting it, I did the pro's and con's list and realised I am a stronger woman than I gave myself credit for and we gave it another go. this all happened 1.5 years ago. as a result his facebook account was in my sole possession. no one had access but me. in a stupid row to wind me up he set another one up. added only people we knew (3 of them anyway) and left it alone. no profile pic, no info. an act of defiance from his inner grounded child.

fast forward last week, I made a fb comment on a friends wall, to which this unused account was used by him to comment on it. I went to look at the account, still no pic/info, a few more friends (football manager, boss) but also a woman who I don't know. set her account up in july 2013, only has him for a friend and this friendship happened in august. she lives 3 counties over but In an area he occasionally has fleeting business in (not overnight).

what are your thoughts....is my increasing poirot impression unreasonable?

OP posts:
bellesbelle · 14/01/2014 21:44

Instead of trying to be poirot, just say, 'hey dh, who's this?' Simples

BitOutOfPractice · 14/01/2014 21:51

I think I can safely say that I have never read such consistently acidly sarcastic and sour sounding posts from an op as this one. You sound very bitter.

drbonnieblossman · 14/01/2014 22:05

this sounds like a bloody awful "relationship"'.

You're both playing games. You both need to grow up. And go your separate ways.

Holdthepage · 14/01/2014 22:05

Just ask him outright OP. In view of his previous behaviour he can't object to you wanting to know who it is can he?

You don't sound controlling to me, you sound like someone who has been betrayed in the past & is now a bit suspicious. If he has nothing to hide he won't mind you asking about her.

PumpkinPositive · 14/01/2014 22:17

Bloody hell, OP, you should leave him. This is like death by a thousand cuts. It's not healthy to be in a relationship with a man you hold in such obvious contempt. What's the bet your kids will pick up on this sooner or later?

Zucker · 14/01/2014 22:20

Yeah on second thoughts it sounds like a perfect set up for him really.

glastocat · 14/01/2014 22:29

In short

OP: my husband is a cock
Everyone else: yes he is,why do you bother?
OP: because he is great!
Everyone else: errr wtf?

NorksAreMessy · 14/01/2014 22:41

Well, this is all a bit odd Hmm

whattoWHO · 14/01/2014 22:45

You don't sound happy.

intheround · 14/01/2014 22:45

Umm regardless of what a great father he is to your children, they will be picking up on every aspect of what is wrong with the relationship between you and your OH. Not the verbal stuff mind, it's all the non- verbal things. No matter how much you try to hide it, you can't.
And it will affect them. For life.

bellasuewow · 14/01/2014 22:52

Op are you not better than this this sounds miserable have you thought about leaving?

intheround · 14/01/2014 22:54

Umm regardless of what a great father he is to your children, they will be picking up on every aspect of what is wrong with the relationship between you and your OH. Not the verbal stuff mind, it's all the non- verbal things. No matter how much you try to hide it, you can't.
And it will affect them. For life.

TheWitTank · 14/01/2014 23:39

Okay then, well carry on your fucked up Facebook games and paranoia, it sounds wonderful. I don't really know what you wanted to hear? Good luck!

lookatmybutt · 14/01/2014 23:40

Here, OP, have a biscuit:

[A biscuit]

OH WAIT, YOU TOOK IT ALREADY.

msvenus · 15/01/2014 02:15

What a healthy and positive lesson you are giving your dc on relationships.

Break the cycle and give all of you a positive start in 2014 by ending the relationship unless you are addicted to the drama.

I will issue my first ltb.

InfiniteJest · 15/01/2014 05:12

Commenting purely on your OP, yes, it does seem weird. Yes, I would be asking him about it if I were you.

As to whether you should trust his answer or his actions, and whether your relationship is a good one... well, you didn't ask about that so I won't comment.

Good luck, OP.

LineRunner · 15/01/2014 05:29

Yes, I would ask him.

Hissy · 15/01/2014 06:38

Good god, this relationship sounds awful! You sounds so sad/angry.

Understandably.

Please don't put up with living like this. Marriage isn't supposed to be like this.

Greythorne · 15/01/2014 06:58

You love him but describe him as a cock and know he has had multiple sexual experiences outside your relationship. He sleeps with prostitutes. He lies to you about FB. He is deceitful and unfaithful by your own admission.

You do know that trying to control him and his FB is never going to work, don't you?

If you are happy with him, stay.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 15/01/2014 07:08

It must be so tiring being on high alert all the time op. I've been where you are and the relief you feel when you stop caring what they do is awesome. Let him go.

nevereasy · 15/01/2014 08:48

I must say I am with op with regards to asking about an incident, not her life based on what we see as a small shred (all be it not a very nice one) of her life. children complicate life, we all know that. flippant comments to leave are easier to type than do. maybe the relationship forum would have garnered more support, aibu is full of opinions, be them helpful or otherwise.

MBT1987 · 15/01/2014 09:47

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm really worried about his pet bunny.

squeakytoy · 15/01/2014 10:16

OP, your posts have to be the most passive aggressive I have ever seen on here. If this is how you speak to others in the real world then life must be very tiring.. For all concerned.

BeverleyMoss · 15/01/2014 10:23

Wait, he has been an utter cock for 2.5 years of your 4 years together?

And during the 4 years and the miserable 2.5 years of it you gave had three children, and you think he's a wonderful father and partner?

No he really, really isn't.

fluffyraggies · 15/01/2014 10:36

OP.
This is the info you have given us:

You've been with this man for 4 years. In this time he has managed:

''20 plus 'attempts' to cheat, 1 sustained affair ... a drug habit from over 10 years ago resurfacing, finishing work at 19:30 and returning home at 05:00 the next day (... more appealing than his child and pregnant gf ...) and ... a potential father of the local whores child.''

Then you tell us how wonderful he is ''now''.

You say you have had 3 babies with him.

You don't trust him and are watching him like a hawk to stay sane. Now you are suspicious of him again, but don't feel justified in bringing the subject up with him.

What would you advise a friend who told you the above OP? Honestly, honestly? Sometimes it's a helpful exercise to step back and imagine having to advise a friend.