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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my toddler is not being 'badly influenced'

76 replies

GeneralGist · 14/01/2014 09:38

In park with MIL at weekend. Toddler DD threw a mini tantrum when we left (was enjoying the swing). Shouted "no wants SWIIIIINGS, NOOOOOOO!" and did that annoying lift her arms above her head, slide through your grip and pool on the floor sobbing thing. Fun.

However, MIL started a discussion on way home along lines of "where has she picked up this behaviour", "do you think it's one of the other children at nursery?"

No. She's a toddler. Testing boundaries, as they do. Apparently DH and DSILs never did this, so it must be nursery (as she was SAHM)

She has actually just called DH at work (!!!) to "discuss it". Lord alive!! DD is pretty well behaved on the whole, gets glowing reports at nursery, says please, thank you and sorry and generally goes to bed without a fuss (she actually apologised for her tantrum herself, of her own accord, once she'd calmed down, bless her!)

I am really not one of those mothers of 'spirited' children who lets them get away with murder BTW!

OP posts:

quirrelquarrel · 14/01/2014 11:03

Can't stop laughing, OP this is funny stuff.

anyway, maybe she's just trying to spark a conversation up about her grandchild?

OpalQuartz · 14/01/2014 11:07

ha ha. Yes I definitely think your MIL may have picked her behaviour up from the WI or Rotary. Your dh should suggest this to her. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

Danann · 14/01/2014 11:16

Ah, apparently my MIL had never seen a child have a tantrum before DD was a toddler, they just knew how to behave in the old days you know Although MIL's argument was that by being a SAHM I was depriving DD of the chance to mix with other children which would 'man her up a bit.'

Apparently her children were also never, ever late for school, she never had to nag/shout at them in the mornings and they always did their homework without being asked.

Crowler · 14/01/2014 11:19

Obviously people forget how difficult toddlers are. It doesn't seem possible in hindsight.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 11:19

Oh god Hopalong. DD has just learnt this. She did it on Saturday for the first time. I thought she was just bring weird but it's an actual thing she's going to do again and again isn't it.

Danann · 14/01/2014 11:21

I hate the passive slumping while walking thing, DD is 5 and still likes to combine it with a nice ear piercing shriek from time to time, or a really loud shout of 'get off me that really hurts'.

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 11:23

doesnt stop dd is nearly 16 and still huffs and slumps especially round a supermarket

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 11:27

May invest in more dungarees. Very handy for picking her up by the backs.

StanleyLambchop · 14/01/2014 11:56

I think the early potty training thing is generational in most cases. This is the terry nappy generation, they were soggy and uncomfortable for the child and a PITA for the mums, even SAHM with more time to wash them. Hence children were encouraged out of them as early as possible. My DM told me in 1960 when she had her first child, she was encouraged by the HV to sit him on the potty as soon as he could sit up, just to get him used to it. (My DM thought it all a load of bollocks, BTW and ignored it!)

Zzzzmarchhare · 14/01/2014 12:21

At least your mil is blaming bad behaviour on nursery- every time DS gets a new party trick like knowing his colour I get told 'he must have been taught that at nursery" "nursery brings them on" obviously I teach him nothing, just stick him in front of the telly all day!

dannydyerismydad · 14/01/2014 12:23

I'm a SAHM and DS has perfected the art of the boneless tantrum. She's a loon.

poshme · 14/01/2014 12:26

Every time my DD has a tantrum (especially the big kicking screaming on the floor ones) my mother says 'oh she's just like you'.
Thanks mum.

wobblyweebles · 14/01/2014 12:49

My MIL used to look askance at my three children and say 'Gosh they ARE noisy and isn't it a lot of work?'

I remind her that she had a maid/nanny throughout her child-rearing years then sent them to boarding school at 7.

mrsoh79 · 14/01/2014 13:22

Loving this thread, and reminds me exactly what I have in store again as I'm pregnant with number 4, but I'm very lucky regards to my mum and mil, although poshme my mum says that to me when dd has a strop

Mumraathenoisylion · 14/01/2014 21:12

when the boneless tantrum occurred outside of the house with dc1 I picked up the child horizontally under my arm by the waist (I am quite tall and strong) and carried on as normal.

I expect this to also be the case with dc2.

Coldlightofday · 14/01/2014 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenfolder · 14/01/2014 21:27

Normal behaviour but 100 extra toddler points awarded to dd for doing it in front of mil

OpalQuartz · 15/01/2014 00:08

Love the idea that tantrums weren't the done thing in granny's day.

OpalQuartz · 15/01/2014 00:11

I had a neighbour who told me she never moved anything, she just taught her children that no means no. Which is fine, but it just meant I stopped visiting as it was such hard work stopping my dd from touching all her knick knacks that it wasn't worth it

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/01/2014 02:05

general that's also where they learn the passive slumping while walking that leaves you holding their hand while they lay on the floor, looking like you are deliberately dragging them along the pavement

Think the WI should do a talk on this,last time I went I had to endure some crap about flower pots.

Well either that or I may go to a toddler group,to make sure I get it right for the next time I wish to embarrass my children in public

CouthyMow · 15/01/2014 02:42

Do you think that when we are 80, we can get our own back by sitting in the middle of a supermarket aisle screaming "Mean DD it's noooot faaaiiir I want sweeeetiieees" until they give in or sit us on the naughty step?!

Boaty · 15/01/2014 07:59

couthy
The teenage 'parents are SO embarrassing' are the revenge years

HoneyandRum · 15/01/2014 08:20

Have to larf at "passive slumping" as of course all my three did it as toddlers. I was sort of intrigued as in pre-DC days during a History of Civil Rights course at the Uni in America I went to, we studied it as "passive resistance" a form of protest. You know, when the police try and drag protesters off and they all drop to the ground as dead weights?

I wondered if they were inspired by 2 year olds!

CustardOmlet · 15/01/2014 08:25

She needs a hobby, bloody hell! DS has been doing the flop for months and he's only just 1.

Stinklebell · 15/01/2014 08:32

My MiL is like this too

If you listen to her, none of her kids ever threw a tantrum, watched TV, ate sweets, that she didn't move precious ornaments out of reach as her kids all understood the word 'no' and all were potty trained by their first birthdays.

If you talk to DH and is 3 siblings, they all tell you a very different story.

My favourite is DH's elder brother telling us all the story of DH standing on her coffee table throwing crystal animal ornament after crystal animal ornament into the fireplace

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