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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my toddler is not being 'badly influenced'

76 replies

GeneralGist · 14/01/2014 09:38

In park with MIL at weekend. Toddler DD threw a mini tantrum when we left (was enjoying the swing). Shouted "no wants SWIIIIINGS, NOOOOOOO!" and did that annoying lift her arms above her head, slide through your grip and pool on the floor sobbing thing. Fun.

However, MIL started a discussion on way home along lines of "where has she picked up this behaviour", "do you think it's one of the other children at nursery?"

No. She's a toddler. Testing boundaries, as they do. Apparently DH and DSILs never did this, so it must be nursery (as she was SAHM)

She has actually just called DH at work (!!!) to "discuss it". Lord alive!! DD is pretty well behaved on the whole, gets glowing reports at nursery, says please, thank you and sorry and generally goes to bed without a fuss (she actually apologised for her tantrum herself, of her own accord, once she'd calmed down, bless her!)

I am really not one of those mothers of 'spirited' children who lets them get away with murder BTW!

OP posts:

blackandwhiteandredallover · 14/01/2014 09:55

Haha I get this. Apparently DH never cried as a child, ate everything, and MIL used to do the hoovering with a baby under one arm while simultaneously cooking a three course meal.

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 09:56

MY dd is 20 and my mum used to say things like that all the time when she was a toddler so it isn't a new grannys have been doing it for generations obviously her children were perfect yes mum i remember my sister throwing strops because she wanted to wear her pink clothes every day to nursery and throwing her dinner because she didnt like it

PavlovtheCat · 14/01/2014 09:56

oh well, your MIL obviously has total recall. DH was able to use his knife and fork, cut up his food, not spill anything, and have perfect table manners by the time he was a toddler, they were never allowed to get away with poor meal time behaviour. They obviously just learnt it as soon as she told them to. She wonders why our children are not the same.

My DH swears our DD's first tooth came through when she was 3 months old. And she is only 7 now, I fully expect that by the time she is in her 20's, she would have been walking by 6 months and out of nappies around the same time. It's amazing how memories affect you as you grow eh? At least we will have our MN logs to remind us of our own children's developments

As you have rightly said, it's normal toddler behaviour. She is learning, testing, developing. She is not a robot, she has to learn her behaviour through trial, error, experimenting. The fact that she said sorry at her age is a bonus.

MILs do appear to have some kind of natural ability to imply that their DIL are not doing a stirling job. My MIL is lovely but even she has the odd cutting wise comment that suggests I could learn from her (really, not sure that's a good idea...)

Original poster

GeneralGist · 14/01/2014 09:58

I don't take it too personally. SIL's DS (slightly younger than mine) has just learned the word 'no' and is using it at every opportunity. Apparently this needs to be "swiftly dealt with!!"

OP posts:

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2014 10:04

Ah, she's on glue, that explains the behaviour! .

Your MIL sounds bonkers but well meaning :)

Do you give your DD the 5 min countdown? I found that really helped with my DD when she used to sniff nail varnish so tantrummed when leaving the swings also.

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2014 10:05

And I think it is essential that we teach our DD's "NO!". Mine has got really good at it

Bootycall · 14/01/2014 10:06

she's forgotten, the children to most worry about are the very well behaved non questioning acquiescent ones of either sex.

it usually means they are worried about things a toddler has no business to be worried about!

toddler years are all about them and that's as it should be!

happytalk13 · 14/01/2014 10:10

Your MIL is an interfering loon. I'd nip her behaviour in the bud before it gets worse

pluCaChange · 14/01/2014 10:11

Hmmmm. Maybe she never let her children get to that stage of protest, by giving in to them long before it could happen?!

Don't worry that DD protests about boundaries (especially at the park, for pity's sake): she clearly has boundaries.

sparechange · 14/01/2014 10:23

Do you think it is a veiled dig at you for having DD in nursery?

My ExMIL would attribute every bad behavior/fussy eating/sniffle/bug to the fault of nursery or a child at nursery because she was vehemently opposed to the concept of any woman not being a SAHM and/or housewife

ToriaPumpkin · 14/01/2014 10:31

The other day I got "I just don't understand children who don't eat. I mean this not eating thing, it's not normal!" when my 2.2yo refused his dinner.

But then this is the woman who told me both her sons were on three square meals a day (which they ate perfectly with no refusal or boundary pushing) from 12 weeks old, were both potty trained by 18 months (when I mentioned we were planning to start soon with DS) and both were walking at 9 months. She clearly has her granny blinkers on!

jigsawlady · 14/01/2014 10:35

I think I've got all this to come! Apparently dp and his bro were fully potty trained at 18 months .

I never go more than one week without hearing how she worked nights so she could be home with them during the day.

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 10:35

pavlov my dh thinks dd was potty trained my the time she was 15 months she wasnt she was over 2 oh god that caused trouble too apparently dd was lazy for not being trained by the time she was a year old that was my late mils gripe potty training she was obsessed with it, apparently we had to feed her on the potty !

BuzzardBird · 14/01/2014 10:40

For all you with MIL's who said they had their wonderful sons potty trained/speaking/reading/walking etc at 2 weeks you need to just put a serious face on and say "ah, that explains it!" and refuse to tell them what you mean

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 10:42

I think I've got all this to come! Apparently dp and his bro were fully potty trained at 18 months

So long jigsaw DH was six months apparently

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 10:44

just take the advice with good grace nod and smile and let them rant on thats all i did

PrincessScrumpy · 14/01/2014 10:44

dd1 went to nursery and before that a childminder with other children around - never really had a proper tantrum.

dtds - I'm a sahm and oh my life they would have about 5 tantrums each by 9am on some days.

dd1 was an early talker so I don't think she had the frustration dtds had as they were slightly on the late side with speech. Once they started talking more it improved but at 2year 4months they can still throw in the odd tantrum. Fun :)

My dad thought I should call an ambulance for dd1 once when she was 8 weeks old and suffering from colic. He'd never seen a collicky baby and she had reflux too. Nothing could sooth her apart from my boobs. :)

PrincessScrumpy · 14/01/2014 10:45

hahaha, just seen above - yep dh was apparently dry by a year old - I told him that was so amazing he should add it to his CV! :D

mrsjay · 14/01/2014 10:47

I told him that was so amazing he should add it to his CV! :D

roundtable · 14/01/2014 10:48

This op made me laugh. It's just the sort of thing my mum would say. Hilarious! Definitely blocked out the worst aspects of being a parent. Sometimes her grandchildren cause her to have flashbacks which is always very funny when you see the sock and realisation on her face.

This morning's phone call to my mum had her telling me, totally unsolicited, that my 2 year old should be fully potty trained by now. He's only just 2 but apparently I'm leaving it very late and heavily insinuated that I'm a lazy slattern. Cue me laughing andtelling her it's a good job it won't be on his cv then.

I wonder if we'll all block it out too in the future?

roundtable · 14/01/2014 10:50

Cross posts with princessScrumpy.

WireCat · 14/01/2014 10:51

Normal behaviour!

All 3 of mine have done that slither thing, where you can't hold them as they slide from your grip.

All mine have also done the stone thing, where, somehow, they make em selves so heavy you can't pick them up!

Ignore her.

and there is worse to come if your little one is like my toddlers were

Original poster

GeneralGist · 14/01/2014 10:53

I think they're all taught the 'slither manouver' at toddler tantrum school!

OP posts:

WireCat · 14/01/2014 10:55

And all the mothers & Mils are taught {catsbummouth behaviour} at the WI {massive generalisation}

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 14/01/2014 10:58

general that's also where they learn the passive slumping while walking that leaves you holding their hand while they lay on the floor, looking like you are deliberately dragging them along the pavement.

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