Red flags for my sons to watch out for?

[MellowAutumn]

I have very firm ideas to pass on to my DD about red flags to watch out for in relationships thanks to MN but have few things to tell my sons to be aware of in potential female partners. What red flags do you think women wave?

I would give my sons the same warnings as my daughter. Emotional abuse isn't tied down to gender. A female can be just as manipulative and abusive as a male, and a man can just as easily be a victim of abuse as a woman can.

stay well clear of anyone who thinks shopping is a hobby.
anyone who gets jealous - playground emotion.
and yes, those who do the girly squealy thing should also be avoided.

My fabulous Dil's are my sons' good choices.Above all they were taught to look for people of the same culture and values that they themselves have.
Easier to integrate into extended families on both sides.Sometimes 'too much baggage' was their mantra.

Also, look at he in-laws relationship - she will be a carbon copy of her mother.

Seriously! I am nothing like my mother, my mother is nothing like her mother. My friends also have distinct personalities from their mothers.

Catlin are you on glue ? I said my son likes Girly girls no where do I say its a bad trait or that that I don't want him to date one just that I am not one. He does not understand 'mind games' as he has ASD - I in now way linked the two.

This is something that doesn't become properly useful until everyone's old enough to have had a few relationships, but listen to what people say about their exes. Do they just slang them off with words like "psycho", (I once told acquaintance I found that word offensive, but she carried on), "arsehole", etc, or do they have facts? My acquaintance who claims all her ex-friends and boyfriends are psychos, bitches, etc: there aren't any facts to her rants, because it's all how she feels, not what they do/did.

On the other hand, my friend who has had genuinely had a string of abusive relationships (each one is a bit better than previous ex) can tell you why previous partners were abusive. Not just that they're arses.

*slag not slang

Sorry but this is pointless. If you're brought your son up properly he will have non sexist, non misogynistic attitudes to women. If you haven't drawing up a check list won't help.

He'll make his choice on the basis of who he falls in love with same as he chooses his friends on the basis of their, for want of a better word, being nice, compatible and having shared interests. (Unless of course it's shopping as that's bad according to one of you)

Some one here said disregard any one needy. I imagine a girl who has had a troubled childhood mighty be needy. She might also be wonderful.

Would you say the same thing to me about my daughter Caitlin?

Catlin - My son has been brought up to have a non sexist and non misogynistic attitude - he also knows when to say sorry for being wrong and can read and interpret peoples arguments without bias or putting together two separate sentences to make a false statement and straw man argument. All of my children have a strong sense of fair play.

They also know that 'falling in love' is not always that easy - if you read the relationship boards or have any real life experience you know nice people do bad things and bad people do nice things. Very intelligent strong women fall to EA partners all the time.

Teaching your children to spot red flags weather girls or boys can never be pointless.

Don't get caught up longterm with a woman who is into expensive handbags and shoes. Scarves too. That's going to be one costly ride.

So should we saunter over to the relationships board and tell them the good news, Mellow?
Have a non-sexist, non-misanthropic outlook on life and all will be well. You will never fall for an abusive partner, because your heart is pure.

Well there seems to be a fair amount of disagreement about the red flags ( e.g"look at her mother" )

And as for "avoid any one who likes expensive bags, scarves and shoes" fgs. What nonsense. I hope that was a joke.

That was for real. A bitch like that can bleed you dry.

Silver apple I don't understand your question re your daughter.

Silver apple I don't understand your question re your daughter.

Um women or girls who have already slept with serval in the friendship circle

I have discussed relationships with DS(16) but I find it difficult to help him with regards to "girly" traits because I'm not the kind of person who squeals about anything, can deal with spiders etc, do electrical work, not squeamish and don't really get the whole make-up, clothes etc thing. I can see him ending up with an older girl/boy friend because he'd be the first to say that people his own age bemuse him (unless they are as geeky/nerdy as him, in which case the attraction is more cerebral).

There are a lot of red flags that aren't gender specific but it would be good to have some sort of reference point for him (and me) because in terms of relationships, I haven't got a lot of experience and would like to be able to give him pointers.

Women who don't know the name of there children's father is never a good thing.

Very similar to men, really.

• Emotionally abusive / emotional blackmail.
• Argumentative (regularly, not just being a keen debator)
• Physically abusive/aggressive.
• Possessive / not letting the man do something socially without cause (even with cause she can only ask him not to go, not force him/blackmail him into not going)
• Using the children as a manipulation tool.
• Putting pressure on the man to have children.
• Wont respect that he has friends/people he wants to see other than her.
• Always bringing up past things he has done wrong.

I am sure there must be more, but these would put me off being in a relationship with someone whether it be man or woman.

Funny you should say that gimme as I often see threads of women asking how they can stop there oh from going out

And shockingly many mums are in agreement with the op

Women with poor personal hygiene. Fresh is best.

Sadoldbag or women who don't know the difference between "their" and " there". Indeed such women are never good things.

I would say to try and aim for independent women; ones with their own goals, aspirations and earning potential.

To take control of their contraception; if they don't want a baby or an std then 'always wear your wellies when it's raining.'

Beware of anyone wanting to spend every night together (before living together) and do not entertain a tag-a-long type when it comes to nights out with his mates.