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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you dont leave a 3 year old at a party when you dont know the hosts??

40 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2014 10:14

DS1 (4) had his birthday party yesterday. 2/3 guests are families that we know well (post natal friends, family etc) the other 1/3 were his friends from pre-school. I only knew who a couple were (from other parties) so the invites went out to the 8 friends DS listed via the pre-school teachers. (first year at pre-school hence not really knowing people yet)

So the first person arrives at the party. I go to the door, "hi, I'm Queen, DS's mum' the woman without looking up says 'I'm his nan, I'm going to town i'll be back for him later' shoves the boy towards me and turns and leaves! doesn't say goodbye to the child, doesn't leave me a number, doesn't even ask if it's ok to leave him! I have no idea who the boy is! after some coaxing we get his name and that he is only 3 still. poor boy sits in the corner all party, wont join it, wont eat, nothing!

Then another parent arrives and says 'can I just leave her for a bit and come back?' Less shocked this time I did say no and he was ok about staying, just popped outside the door to make a few calls which was fine.

When Abandoned Boy's nan came back I went to the door to see her, expecting she's want to check where he was/how he was (this was 10mins before end of party, so 1hr50mins since she left). I got as far as 'hello...' before she cuts me off with 'where are the toilets?'. So I point and off she goes. comes back, grabs the child, grabs a party bag and leaves without saying a word to me!!the whole thing has tainted my feelings about the party as the woman was so rude!

AIBU to think this is bang out of order on so many levels??

but also AIBU to think that you don't leave 3/4 year olds at a party with people you've never met before?? It didn't even occur to me that people would tbh, I certainly wouldn't leave DS in this situation.

OP posts:

Artandco · 13/01/2014 10:20

Some people are bizarre. My eldest is 4 and we wouldn't leave him at a party alone yet even with people we know. Mainly because with a lot of young children I don't want to rely on another parent to help him with buttons if he needs toilet/ watch him if he's upset/ etc etc.

MrsDavidBowie · 13/01/2014 10:21

I only invited children I knew to parties when they were so little, and only 3 or 4. Children who had stayed at my house for an afternoon without their mums, so were comfortable.

MarjorieChardem · 13/01/2014 10:22

That's highly unusual IME, most people don't drop and run till at least 5 or year 1 ish. 3 is definitely too young, poor boy!

BackforGood · 13/01/2014 10:22

Well, tbh, I think it's a bit odd inviting a child you don't know to a party, before thy get to school age and are of an age when you would expect them to be fine being left.

I've never seen the appeal of sitting at someone else's child's party tbh., and I expect the Nan certainly wouldn't. I would also expect the host to have enough adults to look after the number of children they have invited.
I would always leave a contact number when leaving children though.

MsVestibule · 13/01/2014 10:22

Round here, it is normal/expected for an adult to stay at a house party until the children are 5.

I wouldn't leave a 3 year old in a stranger's house. But do not let this woman's rude behaviour taint your feelings about the party!

donttellalfred · 13/01/2014 10:24

Poor little chap. I have a 3yo and there is absolutely no way I would leave him in those circumstances. Yanbu!

MsVestibule · 13/01/2014 10:25

I've never seen the appeal of sitting at someone else's child's party

Nobody sees the appeal of sitting at someone else's child's party! It's one of those things as parents we just suck up and do so our children have a good time. And if you have a birthday party for your 4yo, surely it's perfectly normal to invite some friends from their nursery that you may not know .

Dogonabeanbag · 13/01/2014 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supermariosmum · 13/01/2014 10:28

Was the party in your house? From my experience a lot of parents/carers expect to be told they can stay due to numbers/space etc. and that they wouldn't be in the way, before the party. There are also the ones who use it as an excuse to get stuff done without the child for 2 hours!!
I do think if you expected the parents to stay then it should be made clear at the time the invite us given out.

Stellaface · 13/01/2014 10:29

Sure Abandoned Boy (love that, sad but also cute) was actually one of the ones you invited? Not just the nan getting in on some free baby-sitting action?

Joking aside, that is awful of her and the boy obviously was upset. Probably not one to invite next time as he didn't enjoy it, unless you can speak to a parent and confirm that they'll stay at least long enough for him to get settled.

CrapBag · 13/01/2014 10:32

Wow!!

I do think she was incredibly rude and no she shouldn't have left him. I thought the general rule of thumb was once they were at school you leave them, although a lot of parents are still staying I notice.

I certainly wouldn't have left him.

And whats wrong with inviting a child that you don't know? I don't expect to know every single child that my children are ever going to be friends with in their lives. We invited children that we didn't know to a party when DS was in nursery and it was fine. One did drop and leave but she did phone me to ask if it was ok, left a number and stayed for a few minutes to make sure her DS was ok.

Ragwort · 13/01/2014 10:34

I think you should make it absolutely clear on the invitation whether or not parents are meant to stay. I hated other parents staying at my DS's parties - more trouble than the children.

I took my 3 year old to a party and fully expected to leave him, I didn't know the family (it was a friend from nursery school) - but I know my child is confident and happy to be left. It wasn't until I saw the shocked faces of the other parents that I realised I had broached some unknown etiquette rule . I still left him though, he had a great time.

BrianTheMole · 13/01/2014 10:35

Yes, this absolutely. I can think of plenty more fun things to do with my weekend, but you stay, for the sake of your child. My ds have been invited to loads of nursery parties, I stay and its completely the norm for the other parents to stay too.

MrsOakenshield · 13/01/2014 10:35

most peculiar. Was the wee boy alright at being left?

Justforlaughs · 13/01/2014 10:39

I don't have a problem with people leaving 3yo at a party, providing everyone is happy with the arrangement. This lady sounds out of line, but the child was obviously ok with it. I wouldn't invite children that I wasn't happy to be left with/ specify on the invite that parents/ supervising adults needed to stay.

Thumbwitch · 13/01/2014 10:44

Bang out of order is right! How RUDE!

Poor little mite. I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving DS1 at that age, in fact I still stayed with him (at his request, mind you, and with the hostess's approval) at his first school party, aged 5. I shouldn't think I'll need to stay with him any more, though, unless the parties are for children of friends of mine and I'm actually invited too.

Tailtwister · 13/01/2014 10:51

YANBU. There's no way I would leave a child that young. We've only just started leaving DS1 and he'll be 6 in Feb!

jellybeans · 13/01/2014 11:16

I left my DDs from school age as they were sensible but DS were about 6 as they were not! I haven't left DC (reception age) yet and won't do until I feel ok about it.

redskyatnight · 13/01/2014 11:22

Had plenty of 3 year olds left at parties. They are going to pre-school at that age so used to mixing with unfamiliar adults - it's not that strange. Presumably since it was the child's nan she assumed that you would have a contact number and knew the child (or that your DS would tell you!)

blackandwhiteandredallover · 13/01/2014 11:29