to think you dont leave a 3 year old at a party when you dont know the hosts??

[QueenofKelsingra]

DS1 (4) had his birthday party yesterday. 2/3 guests are families that we know well (post natal friends, family etc) the other 1/3 were his friends from pre-school. I only knew who a couple were (from other parties) so the invites went out to the 8 friends DS listed via the pre-school teachers. (first year at pre-school hence not really knowing people yet)

So the first person arrives at the party. I go to the door, "hi, I'm Queen, DS's mum' the woman without looking up says 'I'm his nan, I'm going to town i'll be back for him later' shoves the boy towards me and turns and leaves! doesn't say goodbye to the child, doesn't leave me a number, doesn't even ask if it's ok to leave him! I have no idea who the boy is! after some coaxing we get his name and that he is only 3 still. poor boy sits in the corner all party, wont join it, wont eat, nothing!

Then another parent arrives and says 'can I just leave her for a bit and come back?' Less shocked this time I did say no and he was ok about staying, just popped outside the door to make a few calls which was fine.

When Abandoned Boy's nan came back I went to the door to see her, expecting she's want to check where he was/how he was (this was 10mins before end of party, so 1hr50mins since she left). I got as far as 'hello...' before she cuts me off with 'where are the toilets?'. So I point and off she goes. comes back, grabs the child, grabs a party bag and leaves without saying a word to me!!the whole thing has tainted my feelings about the party as the woman was so rude!

AIBU to think this is bang out of order on so many levels??

but also AIBU to think that you don't leave 3/4 year olds at a party with people you've never met before?? It didn't even occur to me that people would tbh, I certainly wouldn't leave DS in this situation.

Of course the Gran was rude, but maybe she had been landed with the task by the boy's parents and didn't want to do it. No excuse, but perhaps an explanation.

Can't remember when I started leaving mine at unknown hosts parties, but agree that I doubt it would have been before they reached school age. Like other posters this would mainly be because before that we only invited people we already knew.

I left DD at a party earlier this year shes 4, but I made sure she was ok with it then asked a mum from school if she would be ok looking after dd if she needed anything and told the birthday girls mum before hand.

Its not common to leave them till in year 1 I think but we had a Christening to attend on the same day so didn't want dd to miss the party as she was so excited.

Poor little bugger :(

Where we lived at the time it was the norm to leave them at 3, not a problem, but most people left a contact number and if children didn't want to be left it wasn't an issue. The oddest one we had was a 3 yo who was left and his 18 month old sister, she was having a great time playing, at first we all assumed the Mum was still around mingling - but nope, she turned up for them both at the end of the party

The Nan who dropped and ran without asking/leaving a number was plain rude though - then the way she collected him was rude too. Don't let it taint the party though.

It is sort of ok with a confident child, settled in properly and contact number left. It is not at all ok the way this little boy was abandonded.

Yanbu-that's a real worry for you, particularly since you had no way of knowing how to contact a family member for this boy in an emergency. Poor child...

I've only just started leaving my 6yo at parties. He's been to two since September alone. We have had 2 years of parties with the same class so he knows the children very well and we both know the parents.

I haven't started to leave 3yo dd and I won't till she is probably in year 1 as well. She has been to lunch at a few friends alone since starting school nursery in sept, but only people we already knew.

To clarify it was in a village hall, not my home. At school age I accept that this is more likely however this is pre-school. they are 3 or 4. it just didn't occur to me to clarify on the invite (note made for next time!).

To the person who asked why I had people I didn't know - he has only been in pre-school since sept and there is a 15 min drop off/pick up slot so you don't always see the same people. I asked DS who he played with and he told me the names and I invited them - how else do you start getting to know them?

Abandoned Boy was not happy, he didn't play, hardly spoke, didn't eat anything. and to be honest I was running party games etc - I did not have the time to coax him much. Nan didn't even say goodbye to him/settle him in. or actually give me time (in my shocked state) to tell her no!

maybe I was naïve not to state it on the invite but that lesson is learnt! I just couldn't imagine leaving my DS at this age, especially with people I've never met!

At my 4 year olds party, I did not know everyone from pre-school. One lady turned up, pushed her DD into the party and made for the door. My DD looked at this girl, said that she did not know who she was, and the girl burst out crying. I chased after the Mum, and it turned out she was a guest at a party in the church hall over the road. The Mum had seen the balloons on the door of the community centre that we were in, and just assumed this was the party, but hadn't even bothered to check! Her DD was about 4! I was astonished quite frankly, but she did not even look bothered, just grabbed her child and made off across the road to the church hall, crying child in tow!

Stanley - !!
Perhaps she was actually deadly embarrassed but the sort who just brazens it out with bravado?

Assume there were lots of adults though (if everyone else's parents stayed). So you weren't short of bodies to encourage him to join in etc? TBH I've known 5 and 6 year olds where their parents HAVE stayed at parties who've behaved like that. So I don't think you can necesarily blame it on the lack of adult staying.

AIBU to think this is bang out of order on so many levels??

No. The woman displayed an appalling lack of manners.

AIBU to think that you don't leave 3/4 year olds at a party with people you've never met before??

I do see your point but the fact is that a great many children's parties are held by people we've never met before. You have to trust your gut feeling and, if the people and the house and the area look okay to you, the chances of anything going seriously amiss are statistically minimal.

I would imagine that when the Gran was taking her DC to parties nobody stayed. She was a bit rude to just leave but it was only one of many. It's a shame the little boy didn't enjoy himself though.

I was amazed at DD's first party when all the parents stayed. Even more amazed at DS1's when we went to Frankie & Benny's and bowling and the parents tried to stand behind us all as we ate our food. Thank goodness the waitress told them all to go away.

It seems that some people find this the norm on here, not something I would ever expect though before at least school age.

And at ragwort who clocked the party throwers weren't expecting dumped kids and still buggered off!