To wonder if any other SAHMs find it so samey?

[KenAdams]

I don't mind when we're out doing things, but just pottering around the house drives me mad with her sometimes. I just feel like I never get a break. We can't afford nursery so that's not an option and my DH and parents work full time.

We're restricted to where we go out as I don't drive and public transport links aren't great, only to the city centre where there's not much to do for a toddler.

I'd love to do more messy play and activities but the thought of clearing them up stops me. When she naps I tidy the house as I can't do it when she's awake as she will sob uncontrollably if my full attention isn't on her and try and spill/break stuff to get my attention.

I feel I'm in this never ending circle of housework, cooking and trying to think of exciting things to do with DD. Surely I'm not alone, am I?

Yes, I did. Did being the operative tense.

I am no longer a SAHM for exactly the reasons you list.

Fair play to those who thrive in the environment - I wish I could've. But I didn't.

Don't worry, it's not for everyone, and that's OK. :)

I plan activities I want to do. I always clean when dc are awake. Dc1 'helps'. I invite lots of other parents over so the dc have distractions.

Getting out everyday is key. Do you drive?

What activities do you plan, Cola? I'm in the same position as the OP and I'm bored shitless, but am seriously lacking in ideas.

I hated working in an office, and love combining SAHP duties with the odd batch of freelance editing. But some people need that structure of 9-5. My own mother, for example, is happiest when at the office, and good for her for being true to herself.

I've just moved from New York City, where being a SAHP was a whirlwind of museum trips, meeting up with friends and their kids, puppet shows, music performances, all within a ten- or fifteen-minute walk. It was so much fun, but we were far too cramped in an apartment with DS2 on the way.

Now I'm an hour north, and probably see friends twice a week with their kids, and then the rest of the time we either go to story time at the library or a toddler gym class, while at home I get DS to help me with gardening, baking etc. He's just got into puzzles, loves books, and can happily play with sticker books for long periods of time. The local gym has an excellent creche, too, so I use that twice a week for sanity-saving purposes. I still find plenty of time to read, walk the dogs and occasionally work, either during DS's nap time or of an evening. I refuse to spend longer than a few hours in any single stretch at home, as it would drive me batty. Some might think my life sounds idyllic, while others would classify it as stultifying, but it suits me down to the ground.

If public transport is poor, might you try cycling with a toddler seat on the back, in order to get out and about a bit more?

One thing jumps out at me from your post- the fact that your dd needs to learn to play by herself for short periods of time without your constant interaction. How old is she?

That's why I went back to work. I only earn enough to pay for childcare right now but it keeps me sane.

Are there no toddler groups in the city centre. We used to go to two toddler groups, a music class and the library 4 mornings a week and swimming the 5th morning. If an activity wasn't on, or on library day, we occasionally invited a friend round. The ds's then had their lunch and napped for 2-3 hours. If I was working night shift (I worked 3 nights a week when they were small) I slept otherwise I did the housework. When they woke they played with their toys or watched a DVD whilst I got dinner ready.

I had a gate on the kitchen and used a travel cot playpen so they just got used to being able to see me but not get under my feet whilst I was cooking.

Although I drive I didn't have a car when they were little and couldn't access public transport with the double buggy so walked 2 miles to the town centre each day (and further to the swimming pool). Dh used to pick us up after swimming so that the ds's didn't fall asleep on the way home and spoil their my nap!

I'm a SAHM too, I've kind of made my own routine, messy Mondays, bowl of water on high chair tray for DS to splash his hands in, he loves it, we both get soaked but it's only water, Tuesday rhythm times at the library, Wednesday and Thursdays walks, see friends etc, Fridays swimming. I also do the cleaning when he naps, I know how you feel, it can be bloody hard keeping them entertained and thinking of new things. Some days are fab, some days I just want wine

You're not alone, op, the baby-housework-baby cycle really grinds me down too some days. I comfort myself with the thought it will end soon and on really bad days I get himself to take her and the dog for a bit so I can go for a walk or read to just Break the cycle.

Get your dc to help you tidy, my 2 year old likes to 'help' with everything, even putting the clothes in the washer.

Give yourself some 'you' time while your dd naps. Don't rush around manically doing housework...read a book, watch a film, do some gardening... I also second the posts above that you need to encourage your dd to get used to playing on her own sometimes without needing your 100% attention, and also make the clearing up into a part of any playtime activities. Children are likely to be happier and more resilient with the capacity to play happily without needing undivided attention every minute

Lastly- messy play isn't compulsory... Fun now and again but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't float your boat. Btw one routine I had daily when I was home part of the week with pre schoolers- I always involved them from a young age in preparing the evening meal- stirring, pouring and chopping (once old enough!) This always seemed to me to be far more real than making endless cupcakes. Same with housework- make sweeping and wiping round the bathroom etc a game. It won't be done perfectly but so what?

Lastly- don't feel guilty for wanting some thing more... I loved my days at home more because I had part time work. Being home full time doesn't suit everyone and your dd will be fine either way

I'm going to echo blackholes - your dd could be doing with learning to play by herself for short periods. I'm a sahm too, but I am not my dcs sole focus. That would drive me up the wall!

Did you say how old she is? If she's still napping, she sounds quite little. I found 18 months to 2 and a half the hardest bit.

This was my routine:

Up, breakfast, mooch around for a bit, dress.

Get in buggy and head to park for a run around. If it's raining, a run around followed by a long walk.

Home, lunch. Mooch around/ play. Hopefully child is now in a calmer state.

Nap.

Snack followed by more playing.

Head to park/ shops for some more running round.

Home, followed by tea and some playing.

Nighttime telly then bed (or bath and bed).

Large vodka.

I rarely played with her as such.

what helped me was actually thinking of how my being there was an emotional benefit to the DCs...& then is tarted to enjoy it more. Just chill - - sit on the floor with a pile of magazines while they brush your hair/leave a box of toys newrby for them & you will find they will just settle beside you if they sense your calm vibes

• go for short walks & look at birds/trees etc
• think about a hobby you can do each day tog ive you some headspace while dc potters (teach them the art of pottering!) i took up sewing & other creative things
• start a small kitchent able industry? sell things on ebay? start a blog?

I was lucky in that there was a toddler group every morning of the week when mine were little. There was one in the afternoons on Wednesdays too! They kept me relatively sane!

How old is your kid?

I was a SAHM by default (re location for DH's job) and found it incredibly hard to get through the days with a 1-2 year old. I think I am someone who needs the "structure of 9-5" as a previous poster mentions. I just made sure we went out twice a day as I could neer motivate myself to do anything creative in the house

When DD was 15 months I found a two day a week job which really helped break up the week a bit. I still have the same job two years and another DC later..

Other things which have helped - Pre-school for 15 hours at age 3, and bizarrely, having DC2! Too busy now to worry about whether I'm enjoying it/ doing it right

Yes same here. I get bored and Im always thinking I shoud be doing more activities with her so then I feel guilty. This week is the start of out new routine but it hasnt gone to plan. One sleepless night, appointments. Going to try and do something nice today.

I'm glad i read this post...im totally demoralised at the moment, struggling to bother to to empty load dishwasher washing machine etc etc etc because the fact that I do this every day is beginning to take its toll big time. It's so unrewarding at times. Yes, I feel like a skivvy at times. But one day ill be back at work and will miss it....

Yanbu. I found sahmdon very samey indeed when the dc were little. Thank goodness for the friends I made from my NCT group and the fact that I live in London and could go to a huge variety of places for just over a couple of £s on public transport. From the age of 12 months both my dc spent one day a week with a childminder, just so that I could have some time alone.

Are you going to any parent and toddler groups? Any toddler activities? Most areas have groups that run in the local village hall, or church hall, usually within walking distance. Have a look at notice boards. Also, libraries often have story telling time. A daily walk does wonders, whatever the weather, even if only for five minutes.

Also, you said that city centres don't have toddler activities - what about swimming, museums, parks, etc.

I didn't like crafty activities either.

Like someone else has said, I developed my own routine of housework etc. Neighbours used to be a bit of Me time each day.

She's 20 months.

We've relocated too so lost all our friends.

I don't drive.

There are no groups locally. There are some very close, but not close enough to walk and there's no public transport to those places. Swimming etc is two bus rides away and I can't imagine DD staying still for that amount of time.

For me to go back to work, it would have to be full time as there aren't many part time roles for what I do. She's never been left with anyone apart from immediate family though and I don't know if she'll struggle being left full time.

My son had never been left with anyone apart from his Grandparents when he started nursery at the age of 13 months. He had a few trial sessions and I returned to work full time. The first few weeks were difficult and i was upset/impressed at how stubborn he was - It was August and hot weather and he refused to eat and drink and would then gulp a drink down when he was picked up! But 6 months on he loves it! We had 2 weeks off together over Christmas and on Monday i was really sad to leave him, he however ran into nursery had a great day and refused to have his lunchtime nap there - he bounced up and down on the bed and laughed his head off instead. He's 18 months. I loved my maternity leave (i can say that now) but at the time i found it very hard - I struggled with the monotony of housework and i didn't feel like me anymore. I spent a lot of time crying before i went back to work then i walked in sat at my desk and thought i can do this. I would prefer to only work 4 days and have that little bit more time with him but it works for now. We have quality time together not quantity. So i say give it a go - for you and for your daughter, nursery is so good for him and i'm pleased with the decision we made. (although i had no choice - i had to go back to work to pay the mortgage)

I am WOHM full time

I can assure you that my life is like Groundhog day!

I think that's just what its like having small kids, whether or not you work outside the home or not

Feel your pain op! Where do you live?