To not shop and cook for my exDP

[louby44]

Spilt a month ago, house up for sale. Agreed to pay for the mortgage,bills Tec and put set amount into joint account to cover everything.

I shopped and cooked for us (me and my DS) and him this week but I just don't want to do that anymore. Don't want to walk round Tesco thinking about the bloody Muller yougurts he likes.

So I told him, not doing it anymore! He told me I was fuckin selfish and childish and is now telling me I will have to pay the mortgage on my own!

Am I being unreasonable? He does NOTHING for me.

Only bills, not food.

He gave me a third of food money this week!

YANBU - you're not his maid.

X-post - did you take food money off him thinking it was for him or DC?

He does nothing in the house either. Doesn't empty the dishwasher, or sorts out the rubbish. He will put away the dry dishes that I washed 2hours previously. Helpful!

The children aren't his. The third was his share. He also only pays a third for water, electric, gas as there are 3 of us and only 1 of him !

This is why you're splitting up.

Tell him if he was unselfish and any kind of father he would be buying preparing and cooking food for your DS 50% of the time - why is this your responsibility?

The breakdown of his relationship with you should not mean he gets to renege on his responsibilities as a father, which isn't just to contribute financially.

We aren't married and the kids are mine. Splitting because he's not nice to my kids, not a good role model. Previously he was brilliant around the house, dishes, gardening, decorating.

There are clearly issues here otherwise you wouldn't be splitting up, and from experience I know that you are going through the hardest bit at the moment where you have separated but your lives are still joined in many ways.

But based on this isolated incident, it doesn't sound like your ex has done anything wrong. If you don't want to do him a favour and pick things up for him when you are going shopping anyway then don't, but if the only reason you don't want to is to make it inconvenient for him, then don't be surprised that he calls you selfish.

Is the mortgage 50-50 with both your names on it equally? Have you taken legal advice re selling the house and the share of the profits?
I am just wondering if it might be possible for you to buy him out and then chuck him out of the house.

There is plenty of food in the fridge/freezer and cupboards for him to make himself a whole host of meals for weeks on end.

He has made no meal for me or my DS, why should I cook a meal for someone who wants to lead separate lives - until it comes down to food where he's happy to eat what I cook. He tells me he would like a meal and then texts me to say 'I've had a better offer'.

I DON'T want to cook for him. I don't want to think about him. I want him out of my head.

He is refusing to pay his half of the mortgage because I refuse to cook a meal for him. HE is the childish one!

I don't have mug written on my forehead!

Can't afford to buy him out. I have a large sum of equity that he can't touch.

We are stuck here until we sell which could be months and months as he's holding out for as much as he can get. Which won't be much, £5k maybe!

OP: Again, have you taken legal advice? This man sounds entirely unreasonable and untrustworthy, and there may be ways to get rid of him more quickly. If he is aggressive in any way you can have him removed, for one thing.

Yes have sought legal advice.

He doesn't do anything aggressive just annoying e.g whistling!! ( he isn't usually a whistler) and of course setting traps to see if I go in his/my bedroom!

Need to fast forward my life!

Sounds like you both need independent financial advice, and solicitors.

It sounds like he gave her money for his food last week, and she bought it AND cooked for him.

She told him it wouldn't be happening from this week. There's nothing selfish about that at all. In fact he is the selfish one for thinking she will run around for him like his own personal housekeeper, cook and delivery person.

Don't do it.
Get post it notes
Write things down, leave it for him to read
Be consistent
Hope he gets the message
Don't dance his tune for a row - •••• horrible for children

No advice, just feel your pain. I lived with this situation with my mum and dad. She eventually stopped cooking and cleaning for him. It took years to sell the house. For your sake I hope you get a quick sale.

I've read your other threads. He truly is a waste of space. I hope the house sells fast.

I always knew yoghurt was trouble...

Why should I shop/cook for a man that shags around 3 weeks after our relationship is over.

Sorry but I've never been a doormat & certainly not going to start now!

He's on his own!

3 weeks? I bet his friends and family are seriously doubting his sanity. How long were you together?

So he has 3 women, 1 looking after his children (I've read your other threads so know they don't live with you), 1cooking for him and 1 massaging his ego! He's a right piece of work isn't he, egotistical and very selfish.

No your not being unreasonable at all.

And the annoying whistling. Think about it, every time he whistles he's thinking about YOU,see it as a compliment as you're in his head, you've hurt him and his male pride has taken a bashing.

Thank God you've escaped from him.

You could always point out to him that if he doesn't pay his half of the mortgage, then there'll be a default, which will go on his record and make it much harder for him to get another in the future. (and don't get drawn on the fact that the same will apply to you, it's just to remind him not to be a tosser out of revenge.