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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not think it's ok when dd/ds interrupts adults conversation?

61 replies

yellowrose2728 · 09/01/2014 19:11

Please be honest with me

Visiting a friend that I haven't seen in a while, so obviously there was lots of news to chat about. Her DD was off school because she had woken up feeling ill so was camped on the sofa in the living room.
Me and friend took ourself off to the dining room to have some adult time and a natter. DD comes in every five minutes for a drink/food/toilet etc. ..nothing wrong with that, I understand how some children want to have a little nose at what's going on. BUT then she kept interrupting our conversation. ..not for anything in particular, just everytime we would start talking would start talking over her Mum. The reason I found this even ruder was her mum would stop the conversation that we were having to answer her questions. Examples being; why are you talking about babies? When are we going on holiday? Why did we buy a pink laptop? As you can see, nothing life changing This went on for the full hour and a half that I was there.

Now my DS is the same age (11) and if he did this, would be told in no uncertain terms that it's rude to interrupt a conversation unless necessary. When I was later discussing this with my mum (not in a nasty way, just asking her opinion) she made it clear that I was being very unfair to a little girl who wasn't very well and wanted to spend time with her mum So mumsnet jury, am I totally unreasonable to think that DF should have said something to her DD or am I just a very bitchy person??

OP posts:

RhondaJean · 09/01/2014 19:53

YANBU.

My dd2 tends to do this and it drives me batty especially when I visit my mother and I say dd2 be quiet and wait gran was speaking and then she goes oh it's ok...

NO IT FLIPPING ISN'T IT'S RUDE.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

(I do pick her up on it and we are working on it in general)

mrsjay · 09/01/2014 19:55

och i thought she was young then realised she was 11 YANBU although some children are allowed to do that and seem to think the whole conversation runs round them, I know a few children like that really gets on my nerves, I dont speak to a woman i know if her 15 yr old dd is with her cos the girl butts in all the time, it is just for attention

IamGluezilla · 09/01/2014 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cingolimama · 09/01/2014 20:15

Iam are you serious? In what way is OP being a bitch?

Yellow, this kind of stuff drives me round the bend! It's really rude to interrupt adults mid-conversation. Also, as another poster mentioned, this kind of social patience - you know, waiting your turn - is a skill, an important skill that needs to be learned.

Original poster

yellowrose2728 · 09/01/2014 20:18

One person in 28 that thinks I'm a bitch...? I'll happily accept that

OP posts:

SidandAndyssextoy · 09/01/2014 20:20

Our 11 year old will still start talking us while we're in a conversation, or over an existing conversation. It's very annoying. It only happens once each time though as he gets told off immediately. He and his friends constantly talk over each other and at each other so he forgets not to do it with us I think.

YANBU.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/01/2014 20:23

Yanbu.

You can always tell the adults who were never taught this skill as children.

CeliaLytton · 09/01/2014 20:25

YANBU. Child interrupting seems rude, but she isn't to know it is rude because nobody has ever told her!

Mum interrupting conversation to talk to daughter, very rude.

foslady · 09/01/2014 20:26

No - you're wrong - 1 person in 31 !

[wonders how old the '1' is emocon]......

FryOneFatManic · 09/01/2014 20:27

My dcs have learned not to do this now, and as they are aged 13.6 and 10, they are plenty old enough to have learned.

DP and I taught them by saying "please don't interrupt, wait your turn". But we did this while making sure that at a suitable point they did get a bit of attention. It was just on our terms and not theirs.

TheGreatHunt · 09/01/2014 20:27

Youthecat, you sent a 5 year old out?! Seriously? A five year old? That's a bit much.

My ds is 4 and I'm teaching him that he needs to wait his turn for talking. Sometimes interrupting is a natural part of conversation between two people - we don't talk in sentences then stop then wait then the next person goes. However elbowing is rude.

You had got to teach your kids how to speak and tell them what they should do eg "excuse me?". Just telling them off is counter productive as they won't know what they should do instead.

Devondarling · 09/01/2014 20:32

No you are not being a female K9,

It's sad for children when no one has bothered to teach them acceptable manners,

My friend's daughter does this, it makes it impossible to hold a conversation, and is notable causing friend and her ex husband many problems.

shockedballoon · 09/01/2014 20:34

Yanbu! I thought you were going to say child was much younger than that.

We are struggling with this with DS at the moment (was 4 in Nov). He's ended up on thinking chair in preschool a couple of times because of this. It's like he just can't keep his thoughts in his head. Made some progress in that he stands there periodically saying 'excoooose me' until it is his 'turn'. If he's still routinely interrupting at 11 I'd be mortified.

Cat98 · 09/01/2014 20:36

YANBU.
Ds interrupts (he's 5) and I ignore him the first time, the second time I tell him not to interrupt and to wait. He's slowly getting the hang of it!

Passmethecrisps · 09/01/2014 20:39

Def not being unreasonable. Although I equally dislike it when parents completely and utterly ignore a child who just keeps repeating the same thing over and over. Speak to the child and say "not now please, I am talking. I will speak to you in a minute"

IamGluezilla · 09/01/2014 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bebanjo · 09/01/2014 20:40

I don't get this, why is the child in the wroung.
There was a mother present was there not?

DangerRabbit · 09/01/2014 20:46

YANBU.

Am shocked to read that the child was 11, thought initially you were talking about a toddler!

Am reading this thread with interest for behaviour management tips as I have a toddler who keeps interrupting. I want to teach her manners but Also don't want to affect her confidence as she has only just started talking. So sometimes I let her interrupt and sometime I explain to her that you need to wait your turn when others are talking but so far she doesn't seem to be learning. Perhaps I need to be more consistent?

Blithereens · 09/01/2014 20:46

YANBU

This has reminded me that when I was small I used to get told off by DM for interrupting all the time. She told me to say excuse me, but I didn't really understand the rule so I would just bellow EXCUSE ME at random intervals while jumping up and down, and then give her the face when she still told me off

TheGreatHunt · 09/01/2014 20:47

How old Danger? If under 4 then keep going it it'll take a while. And model good conversation.

Original poster

yellowrose2728 · 09/01/2014 20:51

At no point have I said the DD was in the wrong. Neither would I ever tell another parent how to parent their DC.

Also DD was (and I quote DF when I say) "pulling a fast one for a day off, considering she hasn't let her sickness put her off the chocolate she has eaten this morning! "

I was just taken aback how this was just seemed acceptable to allow an 11 year old to continously interrupt.

OP posts:

tallulah · 09/01/2014 20:57

YANBU. Reading your OP I also assumed she was about 5. Surely at 11 she could get her own drink? My 6 yo still interrupts and we are trying to get her to stop. Like you I hate it when the parent allows it.

IamGluezilla · 09/01/2014 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoobypickypicky · 09/01/2014 21:10

YANBU in my opinion but if you ask a certain two members of my family (mother and adult daughter) they'll tell you that it's disrespectful to ignore their children when they interrupt.

I quickly learnt to avoid them.

YouTheCat · 09/01/2014 21:13

Yes, I sent a 5 year old out. Everyday this week he has talked/shouted over me and interrupted during phonics. Everyday this week I have politely asked him not to and everyday this week he has ignored me, to the point of even still talking whilst I was asking him to be quiet. Today I told him I would give him one reminder only and then he would have to go back to his class. He lasted less than 5 minutes. I have been really patient and fair with him. He has no additional needs and is a very bright boy who has never been told 'no' it would seem. His need to talk about Batman does not trump my need to teach him, and the rest of the group, their phonics. The rest of the group behave really well.

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