omg health vistor!!!!

[Mummytotwox]

do you all remember awhile ago, health vistor turned up without an appointment. anyway i saw her and she said she is going to asses ds, but as hes 4 she doesnt normally do it. she asked me what days are best for her to come round, and i told her ds is at nursery on weds and thursday. all okay. she left a form for me to fill in.

anyway, few weeks later she turned up on a weds to asses ds, without an appointment, told her ds was not here. she gave me a date after xmas that she was going to come, soemthing like 3rd jan.

For some reason i completely forgot about the appointment! i missed her coming to the house, due to me and my babies at the park.

today i have recieved a really snotty text!!

"bring ds and the completed form to the health centre on friday 17th jan at 10am, if you do not attend this appointment it would be policy to inform childrens social care. health vistor"

now, my husband has thrown completed form away by mistake! and i feel like a twat asking for a new one.

i felt that text was really snotty :(

Not all HV's are like this.Mine wasn't! I returned to work when DS was 6 weeks old and then has a few months where he had to be seen by the hospital every other day. She had NO issues at all with booking an appointment and was always polite in letting me know if running late etc.

My HV was a lovely source of emotional support, and someone to share a giggle with over the clinical dietician's latest demands or to ask a question of when I needed to.

Bullying parents is not the way to go when providing an optional service. My sister asked to change HV's when her first one turned out to be a muppet. I'm not sure I'd bother with a second child to use the HV service at all, their time would better utilised on those that need em.

We use a text service from my school. You are limited to charecters so sometimes they come across as snotty. Just call in the morning and ask fir a new form

Some are pretty full of their own importance. I went right off at one when I had DS. I didn't want a daily visit for the first week and she told me that I should "watch yourself, being a single mother you need to toe the line, we'll be watching you". I hit the roof, and ended up with a formal apology from the council.

Our HV always phoned on the morning of the visit from mobile.

But what would happen if I had some huge appointment tomorrow like a hospital appointment or something?

Another thing I'm not keen on is she's a mum from my dds school, so I see her every single day picking her kids up. I'm not keen on that lol

Put in a formal request to change HV, explaining why (she's a bully not a source of support) or decline the service altogether. She's a source of stress you don't need & nursery + GP can make any specialist referrals you need.

I really think you need to complain to her manager and formally request a new health visitor. Her text does come across as threatening to me. Also think it's very unprofessional to text rather than call or send a letter.

Don't worry about seeing her at school, what can she do really? She's already bound by confidentiality laws and any bad behaviour could end in a disciplinary or dismissal.

Pity that the HV doesn't have the courtesy or smarts to text in advance of a visit.

I get text reminders and requests from schools, doctors, hospitals, dentists .... it is standard now.

I would bin her and get a GP referral.

Technically the OP has only missed one appointment because the first time the HV turned up to assess on what she should have known was the wrong day (she had been told OP's DS was at nursery on Wed).

Flagging up potential issue after two appointments missed = fine.

Flagging up potential issue after one appointment missed = unnecessary.

Don't be afraid of her because she's a school mum. You certainly don't need to be confrontational or even deal with her directly to put her successfully and effectively in her place. She has really stuffed up here.

What I would do:

• Make an appointment with your GP and explain the situation. Make it clear that she had already messed up appointment times herself after being told your DS was in nursery. Show them the text and say that you found it threatening and certainly unhelpful in building a relationship and that you are upset and angry, but that you still wish to engage with the service if it can be of any help to you. Say that you wish to be removed from her list immediately and for her to be informed that if she contacts you again in her professional role then you will make a formal complaint about her unprofessional behaviour. Then ask the GP's advice on assistance with your DS and who to contact/refer to for an appropriate help to get rolling, as due partly to the inefficiency of the HV messing up earlier appointments you haven't actually received any support yet. Make it clear that you will be putting all this in writing and will be contacting SS yourself. Tell them that she is a parent at your child's school and that they should also make clear to her that she would be well advised to not bring up the matter when you see her at the school.

When you see her next at the school be all firm smiles and make a quick breezy remark along the lines of 'I took DS to the GP in the end as we seem to always be missing each other - thought that would be easier.'

No nastiness - just a very clear message that you won't be pushed around or intimidated. On the back of her presumably getting a stern word from her superiors, she probably won't dare to even comment.

If she does say anything - 'Right. Well actually I'm happier talking to the GP, so if you think it's best I'll go straight back and let him/her know what you said.'

Icier smile!

Not the most helpful text!

The trouble is with safe guarding responsibilities, particularly following the Pelka case, the adults involved were charming and plausible, with apparently good reasons that services believed and were later slammed for believing. So unfortunately services now can't assume that a good reason actually IS a good reason. Multiple missed appointments where a child is not getting seen is a very common factor the history of a child in need, which is why and consecutive missed appointments are taken seriously in case of it being an early warning sign and where this 'refer to social care' bit comes in. However if it ever is reported upwards it's not going to take much for someone from social care to confirm they're not needed, so please don't worry about it. It's not a punative action against you much as it's been made to sound that way, it's usually standard policy to make sure a child isn't slipping unnoticed through the net.

All that said, still very OTT considering the first missed appointment was the HV's fault, and not tactfully put! Quiet phone call to the line manager explaining the situation and how you feel would probably fix it? And you can certainly ask for another HV.

Iv spoken to ds nursery today, when I dropped him off his key worker grabbed me and asked how Xmas was ect. She asked if I had any concerns about dexter, I said his speech, and his temper tantrums, she said she has no concerns what so ever about him! And that he's perfect at nursery, and even though he is slightly behind, it's not very noticeable! Soo proud I cried when I came outside.

I changed his nursery this time last year, as he was crying going to nursery, wasn't showing any improvements ect, and the teachers are horrible and clicky, this nursery is so nice! And they feed him, which because of his fussiness is brilliant x

Just rang social services!! They laughed and said she can not report due to one missed appointment.

Definitely talk to your GP and get removed from her list.

so that's it then.

rumbleinthrjungle talks sense. I would take her advice.

Oh and why did your husband throw the completed form away?

It was complete mistake, it was in an envelope in the draw and he was throwing crap away.

I've found SS to have thier heads screwed on apt better than HVs.

A HV reported me to SS when ds was a baby as I decided to have ds seen by a private ped for injections/development checks rather than her.

She reported me saying that it was a concern as I must be hiding something (hiding by taking him to a pediatrician?!).

Ss called me and laughed and said they weren't interested in seeing me and they didn't blame me for sacking off the HV.

Complain officially.

I did, about our hv and nursery nurse. DS was under close supervision by a number of hospital clinics. When it came to his 2 year check I declined because he'd only just had a 3-hour full developmental check by a consultant at the hospital, and I didn't think 20 mins with a nursery nurse would add much to that. I got told that the hospital dealt only with 'medical stuff' (!!!!!) and that this was about his development. Said as if I were a dim 6-year-old. And asked a whole series of questions such as did I brush his teeth regularly and take him to the doctors. I really hit the roof and put a formal complaint in. I appreciate they have child protection to consider but this was a child seeing a health professional every couple of weeks, all documented in his notes. And it beggared belief to me that they did not seem to know of the existence of child development services at the hospital. I did get an apology, but have no confidence that they aren't doing this to other parents still. The more people complain about bullying treatment like this, the less likely it is to keep happening.

Iv just texted this... I have an appointment with gp later today to discuss things.

Iv decided due to speaking to dexters nursery and them having no concerns, that if I need advice in the future I will go to my gp. Threatening me with child social care because I missed one appointment has Made me decided against your help. If I as a parent have any concerns over dexters development in the future I will see help from his nursery or his gp. I have spoken to social care for advice. Thank you.

Well done

CSC is SS.

Good for you.

If you get anymore texts etc from her, go through her manager and tell them the same, that you no longer require the health visiting service.

nice one. good luck.

Ha recieved a text back stating the times she turned up unannounced " are appointments" which means iv missed two. Ermmm so my life involves staying in waiting for her just incase every day?!