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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to leave DD (6mo)

77 replies

PuddingAndHotMilk · 08/01/2014 07:27

DH and I have a weekend away with a large group at the end of the month and DD (6mo) will come with us as I'm ebf and she's a bottle refuser. While I know people it's primarily DHs friends.

We're staying in a small hotel in a small town. DH thinks it's ok to leave her asleep in our room with the monitor on and have dinner. I don't feel comfortable but worry I'm being overly cautious.
He can't see how it's different from having dinner downstairs at home. Maybe I'm being PFB or maybe he's reckless. I just don't know anymore. AIBU to say I'll go to bed when she does?

OP posts:

OHforDUCKScake · 08/01/2014 08:06

Also, forgot to add, I wouldnt leave either of my babies and do that either.

I was PFB with my first (very) and the total opposite with my second.

Id still not leave either of them. I would worry that the connection wouldnt work or something and Id fret they were crying without me in a strange room. If the monitor was silent the whole time Id be paranoid it wasnt working and be jumping up every 5 minutes to check.

judgejudithjudy · 08/01/2014 08:08

& wtf is wrong with being pfbish? better to air on side of caution! xxx

OHforDUCKScake · 08/01/2014 08:09

Arf @ "amongst other things it will be anti-social to not eat with these people of an evening."

That genuinely made me laugh! As if the baby or the instincts of a mother give a flying fuck splat about the 'feelings of people dining of an evening.'

nennypops · 08/01/2014 08:10

If you were evacuated they wouldn't let you back up to your room unlike at home.

Come off it, of course they would let you back to fetch a baby.

Dollslikeyouandme · 08/01/2014 08:12

I absolutely wouldn't do it for various reasons already stated.

I'd try having her sleep in pram next to table if its that sort of evening. If its not I'd stay at home/go to bed early.

jendot · 08/01/2014 08:13

I would do this and did many times in the past. I would only do it in a small to med size hotel where baby was 'close' would not leave it on the 5th floor etc!!

worsestershiresauce · 08/01/2014 08:18

absolutely no way. In similar circumstances we took dd into dinner with us in her car seat with a bottle of water, some finger food and a teether to keep her occupied.

The main difference from home is any number of people might have master keys to the room.

fluffyraggies · 08/01/2014 08:22

I wouldn't do it. And, tbh OP, if you know very well that you wont be able to relax if you do - then there's no point in doing it!

Pram by the table. If she's restless or noisy one of you will just have to pop back to the room her with and get room service. That's life with young kids. It's up to you to decide if it's worth trying it for one weekend away.

dunsborough · 08/01/2014 08:23

Absolutely do not do this. So much could go wrong.

Bonsoir · 08/01/2014 08:24

Just take a carry cot and take her with you to the restaurant.

ladymariner · 08/01/2014 08:24

Is anyone else taking their children? If so then fine, if not I wouldn't go, as a child will alter the dynamics of a weekend away tremendously. I wouldn't leave my child in a hotel room though, I'd be worried about anything happening. I would have them wrapped up in their pushchair with me. Hence why I ask if any other children are going x

PansOnFire · 08/01/2014 08:34

Follow your instincts, you aren't comfortable with it so don't do it. You don't need an excuse, you just refuse. I honestly wouldn't do it, I don't know what catastrophe would happen (especially if it was a large hotel) but my imagination would have them all happen at once whilst I was eating my dinner. I'd be rubbish company and then I'd spend ages feeling guilty. It's just not worth it.

On the very rare chance that there was a fire or something you cannot guarantee that you'd be allowed back up to the room. There is always a chance of something happening. God I sound paranoid but I don't care.

Lilacroses · 08/01/2014 08:36

No, I wouldn't do that. I have friends who have done it but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that

Lilacroses · 08/01/2014 08:37

No, I wouldn't do that. I have friends who have done it but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that

ChasedByBees · 08/01/2014 08:42

No I wouldn't do it. Of take her with me or not go to the meal and I wouldn't care if people thought I was antisocial because my peace of mind about my babies safety would be more important.

selfdestructivelady · 08/01/2014 08:47

I've had three kids and wouldn't do it with any of them at all. Don't do it take her in a pram to the meal.

Wuxiapian · 08/01/2014 08:47

I wouldn't be able to leave my baby alone in a strange place.

Oly4 · 08/01/2014 08:48

I would never do this, even with older children. I never want to go through anything like the family of Madeline McCann have had to endure and it COULD happen. You
Might think you're the only one with your room key but what about all the staff. Also, six months is tiny. I also agree with the comments on fire risk etc. you would never forgive yourself if something happened to your baby. I would either settle the baby in a pram and bring them to the table or tell DH to go off and have a wonderful evening, get drunk, pass out, enjoy being with his friends... And mean it xxx

diddl · 08/01/2014 08:52

No, I wouldn't do it.

What's planned for the days?

Will having baby leave you on the outside looking in?

Might it be easier not to go?

Thumbwitch · 08/01/2014 08:54

I wouldn't do it. I would try and get her to sleep and take her downstairs with you in either a reclined pushchair or in a rocker/car seat; and be prepared to step out with her (you AND your DH should be prepared to do this) if she wakes up and cries.

fairisleknitter · 08/01/2014 08:58

I wouldn't and I refused to do so despite husband and in-laws believing it was ok. My Mother wouldn't have done it and she's far more sensible!

MissWimpyDimple · 08/01/2014 08:59

If other people are bringing children then I would go, but get her to sleep in her pram (at 6m my baby slept all over the place). Then park her in the dining room with you- be ready to accept that if she kicks off you might have to leave the dining room pretty swiftly.

Quite honestly, if no one else is bringing small children, I wouldn't go (or I would find a way to leave her with a trusted person).

My friend went away for a night when her DS was 5 months and had never taken a bottle. We tried to get him to take one for a few days before and no joy. I told her to go anyway and we managed. He took the bottle from me fine when it came to it.

I expect your DD is getting some solids anyway so prob won't need so much milk?

ThisIsMeNow · 08/01/2014 09:05

Nenny if there was a fire you cannot just assume they'd let op back in for the baby. We've no idea where the room would be in relation to op. The hotel could insist on waiting for fire brigade.

MrsSteptoe · 08/01/2014 09:06

DH thinks it's ok to leave her asleep in our room with the monitor on and have dinner. I don't feel comfortable but worry I'm being overly cautious.

I'm absolutely not criticising your DH's point of view, but if you're not comfortable, there's no way you're going to be anything other than preoccupied at dinner - not because anyone's right or wrong, just because that's very clear from the above part of your post. Sounds more to me as though you need to gently get your DH to see that you can't just decide to be OK with it, you will fret, and there really isn't any point in you trying to sublimate your instincts on this one - it won't work.

I'd go for the car seat/pram in the dining room option, and sneak off to bed in massive relief gracefully excuse myself and go back to the room if your DC is wakeful.

dappleton · 08/01/2014 09:06

Get DD to sleep in your room, put her in a pram/reclined pushchair and take her to the restaurant with you. If she wakes up leave her to play if she's quiet and if she's fractious just make your apologies and head back to your room. Anyone half sensible will understand and not think this arrangement is odd.

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