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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister's hen weekend... Bottle refusing breastfed 7 month old.

67 replies

wedontplaywithelectrics · 07/01/2014 18:40

Just received an invite from my sis to her hen weekend in 7 weeks time which will be a 3 night weekend away on the south coast.
Only problem is I have a 7 month baby who has always refused attempts to introduce the bottle. She is a very hungry girl and still feeds every 3-4 hours including through the night.
AIBU to forewarn my sister that I may not be able to attend?
or would my sister be acting unreasonable to get in a 'huff' with me about it?
My first child was breastfed until 12 months.

thanks in advance ladies xx

OP posts:

likeit · 08/01/2014 19:05

3 nights is too much for anyone!

Joysmum · 08/01/2014 19:05

I too would ask which eve I g would be the best one to go on as you are still BF and can't go for 3 nights.

I too was a very committed breast feeder, however, I also wanted my husband to feel the closeness of feeding and for my daughter to have the flexibility of occasionally taking from a bottle just in case anything happened and I couldn't BF for whatever reason. It did take persistence, but the key was in finding the right teat and bottle.

KongKickeroo · 08/01/2014 19:20

My DS was like your DD until quite recently (ebf bottle refuser, not keen on food). No way would I have left him for even one night. He's a baby - he wouldn't understand why his primary carer and the only source of food and drink he had known since birth has suddenly disappeared. He wouldn't have starved but he would have been distraught. Unavoidable reasons like having to go back to work or going into hospital are one thing, social occasions another. Yes it was a massive pita but a baby's needs have to come first - and these vary from one baby to another.

That said, I think MyNameIsKenAdams makes a good point about her not understanding it's a case of can't, not won't. I remember rolling my eyes a bit pre-DC when I heard my nephew wouldn't take a bottle, thinking it was all a bit precious, of course he'd take a bottle if he was hungry enough, etc. The universe has paid me back big time. Maybe one day she'll have a baby like our ones and will realise the error of her ways

In the meantime just be very apologetic and get her an extra nice wedding present. She'll get over it.

Hissy · 08/01/2014 19:25

I think YaBU to have texted her that you couldn't come, but absolutely NBU foer not wanting/being able to leave your 8mo for 3 nights

My 8 YEAR OLD has only ever spent 2 consecutive nights away from me! And that wasn't easy going, for either of us! :)

If your sister huffs she's being VVU.

Rhubarbgarden · 08/01/2014 19:37

3 night hen do is unreasonable. Completely OTT. But you were unreasonable to text her about it rather than speak to her properly.

NiceTabard · 08/01/2014 19:38

I would have been more than happy to have 3 nights of when DCs were that age!

But they never took bottles (tried with DD1) and gave up TBH as anyway once 6 months is past then BF gets easier and easier so why introduce bottles & sterilising & expressing & all that palaver just when BF is finally paying off in terms of having an easy life...

I would prob have said can go for full day or afternoon & eve but not overnight. That seems reasonable with a BF 9mo IMO and mine would have managed that at that age (although DH might have had fun at bedtime with the second option!!!).

Original poster

wedontplaywithelectrics · 08/01/2014 19:38

Just to clarify..I didn't text to say I couldn't come. My sister sent an email enquiring about numbers as she's hiring a holiday home for hen party. I replied to say I couldn't 100% guarantee I would be able to stay.

I've text since to offer help with planning/booking it.

No reply.....

nothing

OP posts:

Griftymoo · 08/01/2014 19:49

I would not have been able to leave my DS overnight at 9 months and when I went back to work FT at 10 months it took a month of trying to get him to take the bottle so yanbu. However, like others have said, your sister just won't understand this (I wouldnt have before my DS) so why not give her a call. Things can get lost in translation in text/email and while she might not totally get your situation I'm sure after a chat things will seem less tense.

Original poster

wedontplaywithelectrics · 08/01/2014 19:52

Griftymoo,you're so right. I need to make the call...

OP posts:

BooBudolphMeowson · 08/01/2014 19:54

IT's 7 weeks away - you're being Unreasonable to say no NOW rather than say you'll think about it and see how you'll feel nearer the time.

If in 7 weeks no matter how hard you tried your baby wouldn't take milk, or even if you decided that you didn't want to leave them for 3 nights (both reasonable!) but that's 2 months away and it will seem like you're not really trying to go if you have already decided.

happy2bhomely · 08/01/2014 19:54

Your sister is being unreasonable. I wouldn't go on a 3 night hen do for anyone, not even my sister, even without the dilemma of feeding baby!

I'm breast feeding a 7month old, and can leave her for a maximum of 4 hours, without her getting upset. (I've done it three or 4 times) She eats some solids but feeds for comfort and to sleep too (which is fine by me)

I absolutely could not be off on a jolly for 3nights if I thought my baby was crying for me (or my breasts!)

sykadelic15 · 08/01/2014 19:55

I understand why she's upset, but think she's being a bit unreasonable.

You have 7 weeks to introduce the bottle or get it to a point where DD is able to take it for a night. It's not like your sister gets married every day and the hens night would be really important to her. By then your 7 month old will be around 9 months and as others said, eat other foods as well.

I'd email her again and tell her that you're going to try your hardest to be there. It's something you don't want to miss out on. Mayhaps even "book" your place just in case. She's probably feeling like you're not trying hard enough even in the face of a LOT of notice. Assure her it's important to you as well but that you're sure she understands that if your DD won't take a bottle well, you would be distracted all night if you went anyway and left your DH to deal with it.

hoppinghare · 08/01/2014 19:57

Even if you could get her to take a bottle it would be reasonable to not want to leave your baby for 3 days. I wouldn't. I wouldn't leave a toddler for 3 days.

sleeplessinderbyshire · 08/01/2014 19:59

can't you take the baby with you? admittedly means you won't be able to go out clubbing but if it's a weekend thing presumably lots of the time will be sitting chatting, drinking coffee, eating nice food and generally chilling (or are all the hen do's I've been to unusual?) I've been to two or three where a small breastfed person has been the guest of honour

hoppinghare · 08/01/2014 19:59

Even if you could get her to take a bottle it would be reasonable to not want to leave your baby for 3 days. I wouldn't. I wouldn't leave a toddler for 3 days.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/01/2014 20:00

I went back to work when my EBF DD was 9 months old and a total bottle refuser. She was able to get through the day with cups of water (plus yogurt and cheese) till I got home and then she would be on me like a limpet. And I was very engorged for the first week or so during work hours. We managed that way till she was 2.5 once we settled down though.

Totally agree that you need a proper chat, I wouldn't have had the foggiest idea this could be a problem pre-DCs either. I also thought that 6 months was extreme breastfeeding.

foreverondiet · 08/01/2014 20:52

It's up to you. Quite reasonable to leave a baby of that age. But equally reasonable not to leave. What does your dp/dh think?

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