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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you should make SOME effort with a children's party?

85 replies

AwfulMaureen · 06/01/2014 17:18

As host I mean? My lovely friend today invited me and my DC to her house to have "a tea party" for her DS who is turning 2.

Now...I knew it would be a small affair and sure enough there was me and my two who are aged 5 and 9 and three of her neighbours who had a various amount of DC aged between a few months and 10 years old...so with all of the DC there were 8 kids my friend's little one and 5 adults. She never provides any entertainment for the DC...that's my gripe really.

I don't think she needs to do much but maybe put a table of crayons and paper out? As it stands there were hardly any toys about...they'd all been put away bar a few books...it was raining outside....the house is small...the tea was served on plates on the DC laps so they had to perch on the floor etc and there was nothing for adults (but obviously we all stole the kids bits and bobs)

She did this last party she had but that was a much bigger thing...shr provided wine and tea and a similar buffet for the DC but absolutely nothing for them to do!
She doesn't lay a table for them all to sit at...which my kids love doing and I think most kids do don't they? Having tea and all that round a table.

The DC were all slumping around although my youngest did pair up with a similarly aged child and they played an imaginary game but a lot of the others were little lads and they were just being a bit naughty as they obviously got bored. Should I suggest something next time? I'd help her if she wanted me to...do pass the parcel or musical statues...AIBU? Why does she do this do you thnk?

OP posts:

Original poster

AwfulMaureen · 06/01/2014 18:30

Piglet the birthday boy had a good time..but older ones can only be charmed by a cute baby for so long! He was happy...he had new toys to play with and other kids to look at etc...my DC were ok of course...they liked the food naturally....but it was a bit awkward that's all...at times when a couple of the other kids got to saying "I'm bored".

OP posts:

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 18:30

I always provided food and drink for adults too

Original poster

AwfulMaureen · 06/01/2014 18:31

Chappie it could be mess I suppose...she is very tidy. Next time I will bring some colouring stuff...pens and books.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 18:31

Stealth

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 18:32

I don't know why she did not organise it when kids are at school, so it's only the little ones

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 18:33

That is why I like macdonalds where we live, food and soft play for the princely sum of £2.30 per head, can't go wrong

ashamedoverthinker · 06/01/2014 18:39

Oh come on, if you are invited to a party or tea party its reasonable to expect

party food/or just food of some sort
some sort of entertainment - toybox/tv/arts
maybe some decorations

I dont even invite people to my house then not offer them some hospitality - at least a coffee and a bit of birhtday cake.

There was plenty she could have done that wold have coverd all ages. I think its rude to invite people then not cater fo them accordingly.

NurseRoscoe · 06/01/2014 18:43

A lot of people on here could start an argument in an empty room, there isn't really any need to be nasty or snippy!

OP, yes it was odd. Not in the sense of colouring pages, games etc which may of been nice for your children whilst inappropriate for a 2 year old however not having any toys/music/TV on at all is a bit weird. I went to a party for a two year old recently, there was a game of pass the parcel which was a nightmare as the kids didn't get that the parcel wasn't for them and lots of them got upset when told to pass it on. They just had cbeebies on and all the little boy's toys out. The eldest child was about 5 and they all played together and had fun.

I personally refuse to have 'parties' until my children are old enough to have proper friends of their own age at school/nursery that they talk about so all the kids will be of similar age. My son is 2.5 and is just starting to talk about his friends now, for his last two birthdays we have had family outings to places he has enjoyed. I do think it is a little bit silly having children with such a massive age gap as 2 and 9 at a child's party, the older kids will get bored no matter what the activity is if it is aimed at a little child! If this ever happened at parties of cousins/family of some sort when we were smaller the older children acted as 'helpers' and got drinks and things for the little ones, played with the smaller children etc rather than sitting around bored.

StealthPolarBear · 06/01/2014 18:55

do you have to pay for the adults too or can they supervise for nothing?

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 19:00

Yes I'll pay for adults too, he's only having 5 friends

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 19:01

But still it's cheaper Than hiring a hall and an entertainer, most if whome will not sit still for it.

KingRollo · 06/01/2014 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZenNudist · 06/01/2014 19:08

I'd be so if I thought one of my so called friends was judging me like this.

All fine by me for 2yo party. Would expect group of kids to entertain themselves. Would feel silly planning games for 2yo tea party. I'd hate planning games! Whenever i get older dc round they tend to run amok. I would think your friend thinks she's being nice inviting all your dc.

I would hope for a drink of some sort, even if just squash, maybe pick at kiddy leftover buffet if any.

People treat first birthday as a milestone & might throw an adult party. It's not worth going overboard for a 2yo party, they really don't get it yet but are generally happy to eat cake. Even at 3 lots of my friends kept it low key. Pass the parcel is the most the dc can manage.

As mum to 3yo ds colouring is not an activity I'd think of to keep children entertained.

Viviennemary · 06/01/2014 19:08

Oh well some people do all singing and dancing and entertainers and the latest craze. Some don't. But I don't think it would bother me that much if I took DC's to a party like the one you describe. And she said just a tea party. People expect too much these days. Pulls up judgey pants.

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 19:13

Just re read op, it was meant only to be a tea party, so yabvvvvvvu. Tea cake and food job done IMHO. Why the hell would toddlers need party games, when gaff of them would run off anyway after a few seconds, no puff for the parents trying to keep them still. Nice chilled party where kids don their own thing, is my type of party for a toddler/preschool child.

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 19:14

No fun for the parents I meant

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 06/01/2014 19:23

I'd def dump you as a mate. She wanted your company. She nicely thought your kids might like it for what? 2hrs? 3? And realised best time for her must mean yours coming. And all you have done is frankly sounded quite precious. It was a party for HER child. She thought you might want to share in the event. And if her child, as his birthday, was happy quite what else do you want?

I really don't see why yours couldn't entertain themselves for a bit. Could you not play a game? Or did you just sit there? IMO says darn sight more about you/yours than her/him. Hers is two. Why should she know what to do for yours?

Oblomov · 06/01/2014 19:23

I'd rather go to her party than done if the ott ones that cost hundreds of pounds.
You sound very judgey OP and I hope you aren't any of my friends.

Procrastreation · 06/01/2014 19:25

It sounds like she fell between the stools: her party would have been lovely with two invited DC of similar age to her son. With 8 kids of varied ages - she should have planned some activities. (BUt I admire her gall - I'm always paranoid about bored children running feral - and I way overplan my parties).

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 06/01/2014 19:27

Obviously don't go to the next one since you disapprove so much.

It is nice if nibbles for parents are provided but it is a party for children and they are the ones to be fed what with being the guests.

Original poster

AwfulMaureen · 06/01/2014 19:31

Ooh you're all more judgy than me! I'm not being mean...I just thought that it was a bit much to expect that many kids to wander about with no toys or ANY form of anything to do for two hours! No garden either!

I wasn't expecting clowns with bloody sparkles and face paint....just some paper, pens or puzzles or something!

OP posts:

pigletmania · 06/01/2014 19:31

Mabey, some toys for the little ones. It's not her responsibility to entertain the older children. They could bring stuff with them to do like: Nintendo, books, colouring, activity books, especially as you know from previous parties she did not provide entertainment!

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 06/01/2014 20:08

I have read and reread this and I honestly find it quite awful. I would be gutted if I found out my so-called friend was slating my hospitality on the internet. she did not have to invite you or your children op, she obviously thought you were a true friend, I would advise declining any offers of 'tea parties' from now on.

drspouse · 06/01/2014 20:25

This sounds almost exactly what we did for DS 2nd birthday-cum-New Year party. Buffet with food that adults and children would eat, plastic cups but only adult plates (we got a couple of plastic plates out for the little ones but anyone over 3 ate off a normal plate), and then we had the TV and all the toys in a playroom upstairs that the children (and any adults who wanted to) could go and play in. Adult conversation downstairs, anyone at all upstairs (only because the children discovered that's where all the other children were, we didn't ban them!). We had mainly older children and one or two others his age and one younger sibling.

We did have some toys out but not really for older children (some of the older preschoolers and younger school age like playing pretend with all his soft toys though, so they did that, and at one stage all the older children were watching Kung Fu Panda).

By all accounts a good time was had, but now I'm wondering if they all went home and muttered like you??!

Laquitar · 06/01/2014 20:32

I have never heard of organised party games until i came to uk. Party bags too.

As for the sitting around the table do you know that many people dont have 8 or 13 chairs?

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