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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not contact anyone

56 replies

wifey6 · 05/01/2014 20:01

I am always the one messaging/emailing friends & family to maintain our relationships/friendships & decided enough was enough & it's been nearly a week now & I've heard from no-one. I also always remember birthdays/special occasions yet hardly anyone does for me, DH & our DCs
AIBU about stepping back & not contacting friends/family first.

OP posts:
wifey6 · 06/01/2014 13:32

theimposter - that's really bad form on behalf of your friends (especially when so much time & effort has gone in to a gift). So glad you have more like-minded friends you can invest time in building friendships with.

OP posts:
Wevet · 06/01/2014 13:43

Theimposter, as someone with a one year old, can I put a different spin on it for you? I had my child late, at almost forty, and got used to a lot of my friends 'disappearing' into parenthood for years at a time. I too, felt sad and resentful about this, and assumed they had forgotten all about me and had other priorities.

BUT, having had a child fairly recently myself, I have simply found it very difficult. Circumstances have meant moving away to somewhere very rural, where we have no support network, no family, almost no childcare, DH works very long hours 6 days a week, and I've had to take extended leave from my job. I'm sure friends think I'm just blithely forgetting them, but I'm not, I'm just struggling. I think of them often, but I'm busy when my child is awake, working when he naps, and by the time he goes to bed at night (he's a terrible sleeper, and last night it was close to ten o'clock), I am too tired to pick up the phone.

Don't write off your friends - they may well appreciate your gifts and think of you often, but aren't for whatever reason able to respond as you would like.

(Sorry for hijack, OP.)

Crowler · 06/01/2014 13:48

Jeez Wifey you had a friend ask you if next week you could run some errands for her? WTAF? Isn't this sort of planning an emergency request in advance?

If you're maintaining the relationship singlehandedly, let it go. Life is way too short for this.

wifey6 · 06/01/2014 14:19

Crowler- yes...quite shocked actually. I'm assuming her 'regular' friends are busy but I have a feeling it's them she has the lunch date with. I'm not good enough to be invited for lunch..but can be the lacky!
The store is local to me, but as I do not drive, it would only take her 10-15 mins max to do the trip there for the items she needs. Longer & more hassle for me with two small DCs.
Wevet- can totally sympathise with you, having had DS2 6 months ago. Having 2 DCs small is very time & life consuming. I'm sure your friends understand.

OP posts:
theimposter · 06/01/2014 15:25

Wevet; I appreciate that - I know that babies take up a lot of time and people get tied up with care. Life is busy for everyone. I think the problem is that they have all had babies at the same time. We used to do lots of things as a group with several couples but now DP and I don't get invited as we are the only ones with no young kids. We moved (20 mins away not 100 miles) and trying to get people over is impossible; we always have to go to them. I'm not saying to OP to cut nose off to spite face but if you are consistently making effort and others are not then perhaps distancing yourself is no bad thing. It doesn't have to be done in a rude or 'full stop' way.

Poppy67 · 06/01/2014 16:02

I think there comes a point where it is hurtful when you do all the asking, running and caring for friends to do very little. I have chosen to ignore 2 texts from a "friend" as something bad (but not that bad in the grand scale of things) happened to me a few months ago which I told her about and she has done nothing, not even a text to see if I'm ok. The two texts I got were a mass happy new year text and something completely irrelevant. So if she can't be asked to add "hope you are ok by they way", then why should I be arsed with her. There is no value to the relationship, no excuses like babies etc, so hey ho. It is different with families though .....

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