not to apologise when I have done no wrong??

[ColdFeetWarmHeart]

Will try to keep this brief. Dh uncle put a photo of dd on facebook last night. I commented asking when it was taken as I didn't remember/see it taken. Your standard type of comment for facebook pics, I feel. Dh unc explained it was christmas day and I was in another room. My last comment before I went to bed was that he must have been quick as I hadnt seen him.(lol).
I then get an email asking if there was a problem posting the picture. I replied no, just asking as I didnt see you with your camera that day.

I went to bed, and woke this morning with what felt to me like quite a shitty email. "Sorry but I do think there is a problem. It seems to me you think I would go into your bedroom when you're asleep and take photos. I'm not this sort of person. So to keep everyone happy I'll keep away from your flat"

Wtf??! Told dh and he could not see why his unc went off like that. Dh phoned mil this evening to see if something else had happened to upset him.mil told us we had to grovel etc to unc - cue a big row between dh and mil!

Dh phoned unc and explained it was just a simple question - no offence/malice meant etc. Unc said we'd put it down to a misunderstanding. But mil reckons it would have been better if I had called, and I still should phone/mail.

Should I message and "apologise"? I haven't done so far, and asked dh to do it, because

1. I didn't say anything wrong
2. It's dh's family having freakouts, not mine
3. I worry if I say something I'd make it worse (I really wanted to tell him not to put words in my mouth!)

I don't think he is bu to be a bit sensitive about that, I would also have drawn the conclusion that you were unhappy about the photo, neither are you bu in wanting to ask about the photo. Just message/call him and say you didn't mean anything other than literally you were curious about when he took the photo. Of course you didn't mean he was being in appropriate etc. Well obviously you can do whatever you like but that's what I'd do!

sorry op x post. I do know what you mean. When there is a misunderstanding like this it does make you feel paranoid!

So he did sneak into your bedroom? In that case, I wouldn't apologise at all.

just so paranoid now - it's more the fact that he e-mailed me asking if there was an issue, and I said it was fine, just curious etc. But he then continued with it all instead of thinking "oh coldfeet was just interested" .... honestly, if I had a problem with him posting a pic on facebook, or any other problem for that matter, I would have called him and discussed it. not posted it on facebook for all to see.

So he did sneak into your room in that case he is so out of line that I would have read him the riot act. YADNBU

not really, DH was there at the time, but I didn't know that when all this kicked off last night. Though to be honest, whether DH was present or not, I'm not at all comfortable with MIL and her brother wandering in and out of our room as they please .... I came out of the bathroom christmas morning to find MIL sitting on my side of the bed cuddling DD. Obviously I didn't get all petty and say something, but I was kind of thinking there should be boundaries and you keep crossing them!!

sorry THEMAW - poor choice of words on my part. I agree, that proves your point about tone and online conversations!! haha

Well DH hasn't asked me to phone uncle etc. If he wants me to, of course I will. But like I said I am very wary now of saying the wrong thing. I think with the uncle the least said the better, but MIL is a different thing.

Oh I wise I could just leave them all to their own assumptions and hysterics..... unfortunately everything has to be a drama......(So glad DH is normal!!!!!)

I feel for you....my brother once misconstrued something I did and instead of talking to me about it he and my (usually lovely) sil seethed about it for a couple of months and then sent me a blistering email! It was awful. I literally had NO idea I had offended them, think the world of them and was mortified. It did make me feel odd for ages but tbh it's fine now. Families eh?!!

well I am hoping that it will eventually blow over and be forgotten about. everyone else seems to have forgotten about their strops in the run up to our wedding last year (when we next saw them after that episode, they acted like nothing had happened!)

MIL does that sometimes. She gets upset about the smallest things (e.g. once apparently I didn't say hello properly on skype - I was busy trying to sort out a very young DD at the time, and did shout out a quick hello) - she then stews about it for ages, and seems to concoct arguments in her head, and gets herself even more upset!! one thing leads to another and then world war 3 starts all over again!!!

He sounds a bit weird to be honest.

Voyage - I think there is a lot that I don't know about to be honest!!

I'd be worried that such an innocent comment has touched a raw nerve.

I think it may just be his personality. his sister (my mil) is just the same.

It doesn't sound too rational to me though - I didn't act anywhere near this bad when I was pregnant and full of hormones!!

I can understand why they were upset. You used the word "sneaked" which implies something underhand and a bit weird.

I would be asking for an apology from him for going into my bedroom uninvited regardless of who was in there.

How did he know he wouldn't wake up your dd?

Why is he sneaking into your bedroom? He shouldn't be doing that.

Creepy.

And then to post picture on FB without asking you is bang out of order.

I think you need to be a bit more pissed off with his behaviour actually. He's annoyed because you've pulled him up on what is inappropriate behaviour from him.

And you're right to have done so.

You we're rude initially. Writing lol after something doesn't mean you can get away with writing something rude. Thereafter, his reaction was ott.

How was she rude? He sneaked into her bedroom and took a pic of her sleepy dd who could still have been sleeping? I'd've been even more blunt along the lines of, "Please stay out of my bedroom/dd's bedroom. Please do not post pictures of my dcs on FB without my permission."

Op, do you find bil does lots of stuff that perhaps crosses boundaries and he's irritated because you've now suggested it's not acceptable?

I too agree it was a bit of a misunderstanding, but I also think that it's because he DID go into your room when you weren't there and take a photo of your child who had just woken up.

Sorry but it creeps me out. I'm not sure why, maybe it's okay and you're okay with it, but the idea of people taking photos of my children without permission, let alone then uploading them to FB, freaks me the hell out :S Maybe how well you know a person would change that...

I think if someone had wandered into my bedroom to take a photograph of a DC, irrespective of whether my DH was there or not, then I would have a huge problem with it. To then find the photo on FB would make matters worse.

I don't think you were being at all unreasonable or rude to ask when this man entered your bedroom. If he wants to go wandering into people's bedrooms uninvited, then he can hardly be surprised when he's questioned about it. It doesn't matter whether he crept in while you were asleep or whether he was accompanied by a brass band in the middle of the day; you just don't wander into someone else's bedroom without an invite!

YANBU

Why take a pic of the child in a cot?

Sorry but I find that odd. I am a suspicious one though.

I think his reaction shows that he knew damn well he wasn't quite in the right when he was doing it. Now he's protesting a bit too much for someone who feels totally innocent.

If I were you I'd leave it now. You've said your piece, DH has phoned, that's enough. Everyone needs to move on. if MIL wants to make a big deal out of it she can do so on her own.

Came to say exactly what silverten has said.

Nothing to appologise for OP.

His reaction smacks of guilt to me. He sneaked - you asked him when and why - he got defensive.

I think you should get that photo taken down, and email him back, copying the MIL in, telling him if he publishes photos without your permission, he will not be invited into your house again. 'Just so that you knows where I am on this'.

You may as well make a stand now, if it's created this much of a fuss.

I'm not on facebook anymore but I'd always ask permission if I wanted to post a pic of say my nephew. Most of my family live far so it's nice for them to see what kids are up to. I think the uncle felt a bit offended by your comments and got the wrong end of the stick. If you speak to him again just say it's only because you didn't see it taken

would freak if someone went into our bedroom in any case. I don't like anyone in there apart from DH, me or the DC's but that just might be me being territorial.