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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to ask how hard it is to go from 2 to 3 children?!

34 replies

WaffilyVersatile · 04/01/2014 19:32

I am 32, married with ds who is 12 and dd who is 8.. we have just started earning a fair wage with me working from home and OH contracting fairly locally (he used to work 3 hours away!) and we were content in our family of 4. I was sad deep down a little bit maybe but had sort of accepted that the baby days were over and we were concentrating on having fun and growing together (that was a bit sugary sweet, sorry)

we live in a small 3 bed house. Ds is in a single room and dd in a small double room...

...and after having my suspicions for a week or 2 I did a test tonight and found out I am pregnant.

I did freak out slightly at first. To be entirely frank I had a medical termination last year which was a very difficult decision and ended with me haemorrhaging and spending the night in hospital on a drip. I know it was still the right decision for our family but when I sat OH down tonight to tell him about the positive test I told him that I know its not ideal but I just don't think I have it in me to go through that again. He said "I would NEVER ask you to. don't be silly.."

So errr yeah, everything in our home is geared for a family of 4. How easy is it to slot in that extra person!?!? How did you cope!? I am lucky in that I work for myself from home so work can stay as it is I guess..what about the age gaps!?!? 13 years between the oldest and youngest seems massive?!

O.M.G!! I haven't had a baby for years!!

OP posts:

mamicar · 04/01/2014 19:36

I found it much harder going from 1-2. 3rd was a breeze. mine are now 12, 7 and 3.

we did have to turn a room downstairs into a bedroom for eldest though.

you will be fine. its mad and a lite noisy but I wouldn't have it any other way!

trashcanjunkie · 04/01/2014 19:40

Congratulations! I can't help cos I went from one to three (twins) but you will have plus points and minus points. Each baby is different and third time round you'll be a pro

Bowlersarm · 04/01/2014 19:42

Easy. 0-1 was so hard. 2-3 was a breeze. Mine are much closer together, but there must be huge advantages to have older children as well as a baby.

Very exciting. It'll be spoilt rotten!

Laura0806 · 04/01/2014 19:45

congrats. I have to say I found 2 to 3 incredibly difficult as the youngest didn't sleep and I had school runs etc. Thats said, its def worth it!

Annunziata · 04/01/2014 19:46

1-2 is harder I think.

I have 23 years between oldest and youngest, 12 is fine! My biggest brother is 13 years older than me and I completely and utterly adore him.

Good luck!

DamnBamboo · 04/01/2014 19:50

1-2 was hardest for me! Going from 2-3... other than general tiredness from having a newborn in the house, I didn't notice a massive difference. My oldest (even though he was only 4 years old) was far less work and it honestly wasn't a big deal. Yours are way older than this too, you will have a built in babysitter too

Congratulations

EATmum · 04/01/2014 19:50

Our third was intentional but a long way after DD1 and DD2. She's been a challenge at times (sleepless nights were worse than I'd remembered or I'm just older and grumpier) but overall it's so much more fun. The ratio of people who love and care for them is so much better when older siblings want to join in. Yes it's all more chaotic than 2+2, but it's brilliant.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 04/01/2014 19:51

Okay, I found 1 to 2 harder than 2 to 3 but my age gaps were far smaller. I know that my friend who had a big age gap between her 3rd and accidental 4th said it was like having the first again in terms of adjustment and having to get physical stuff but with the added advantage of knowing what she was doing and having a lot more help (in terms of the older siblings) !2 and 8 are pretty self-sufficient in a lot of ways

SadOldGit · 04/01/2014 19:53

I found it fine - similar ages DD was 11 and DS 7 when DD2 born - the girls did have to share a room - bit odd but worked fine - ironically it is only now 10 years later that we got round to extending so they all have own room.

Children adapted fine and now help out with childcare (collect from school somedays and days in holiday ) - although not too difficult now - just means she has someone keeping eye on her when we are at work

ILoveAFullFridge · 04/01/2014 19:56

I think that having such a big age gap might actually make it easier for you than having them all close together.

2 to 3 was far tougher for me than 1 to 2. But that's partly because I had so many different school runs and two different nap patterns, and 3 youn g dc all needing attention and unable to do things for themselves.

I am 2nd of 3, age gaps very similar to what yours will be. I remember being very involved and doing a lot in the house. Later on we were built-in babysitters. We only holidayed as a 5-some until dsis was about 6, after that dbro didn't want to holiday with the family any more.

I think jealousy is probably worse with younger dc at smaller age gaps. By now your dc want, expect and receive a completely different type of attention from you than the baby will receive, so there will be less conflict.

Hope it goes well for you.

crypes · 04/01/2014 20:01

You will feel like Mother Theresa , you will keep on giving and giving , there will always be a child that needs you .

SomethingkindaOod · 04/01/2014 20:04

I have roughly the same age gaps between my 3 and found the jump from 2 to 3 fairly easy tbh
In all honesty it was the pregnancy itself that was a hard part - I was much more tired and the heartburn started a whole lot earlier, pretty much the same time as the sickness. I was 35 though and an 'older Mother' according to my notes
Having a larger age gap really does make things easier and I think jealousy was less of an issue than it could have been, most older children will happily help out with a tiny one, my DS (13) is a dab hand at nappies and reins!
Congrats

Caboodle · 04/01/2014 20:09

Depends on dc3 .... 1to 2 was a doddle, dc 3 is a loveable monkey
But 0 to 1 is the shocker....after that anything else is easy.

NewBlueCoat · 04/01/2014 20:11

I found 2-3 a breeze. Mine are 9,7 and 1. Ds has been an angelic baby (so far!) and by far the easiest of the 3.

Because the dds are both at school all day, it is like having a single baby again, and ds gets a lot of undivided attention.

The poor boy is dragged around on a fairly lengthy school run (dds are at different schools) but he doesn't complain too much.

We have had to get a lot of things new as had given away baby clothes and toys, pram etc to my SIL for my dn1, and SIL had dn2 the same time as I had ds, so couldn't ask for it all back!

gordyslovesheep · 04/01/2014 20:11

I found 1-2 harder than 2-3 - I loved 2-3 because the older 2 really joined in and loved her - (not so much now!) they where 6 and 4 when she was born

I live in a small 3 bed - eldest has her own room and the other 2 share - its fine

junkfoodaddict · 04/01/2014 20:14

Can I ask, why is going from 1 to 2 harder?

We're planning on our 2nd child and if everything goes to plan he/she will be born around my DS turning 3. I aim to be on maternity for 9 months, a year if I save plenty. I think DH may find it a turn off if he hears people saying it's hard!!!

A friend recently said she found it the hardest thing ever but she still wants a third. Her eldest is 4 and youngest is 2. Neither have slept well and both co-sleep or end up in their parents bed at some point in the night - which is probably, I'm guessing, why she finds it hard bt I daren't say that!

My DS is a fabulous sleeper. he sleeps 90-120 minutes for an afternoon nap and 11-12 hours at night with an occasional bad dream that requires me and him co-sleeping in the spare room. He likes routine but he is adaptable and can slide easily into our schedule when away for a few days, on holiday or visiting friends and relatives.

I know that DC2 maybe completely different to DC1 and I cannot assume he/she will be a good sleeper, easy child as his/her brother.

Wondering what the 'hardships' might be!!!

foreverondiet · 04/01/2014 20:52

I personally found going from 2-3 really hard, even though DD and DS1 were at school. Because with 2 children each parent can give one child one on one attention. And managing a baby (esp after school & bedtime) with 2 others to deal with is hard.

However that all being said as your DC are bigger and can dress themselves etc, will be much more manageable.

theholidayfairy · 04/01/2014 20:56

I found parenting easier after number three came along. Nothing like the jump from 0-1 or 1-2 was.

Congratulations :)

Bogeyface · 04/01/2014 20:56

Going from 2 to 3 was far far easier than going from 1 to 2. And I have 21 years between my eldest and my youngest (but then I have 6 with several years between each) and its fine.

Never underestimate having a teenage in the house when you have a baby, babysitters on tap because they cant earn money anywhere else!

Bogeyface · 04/01/2014 21:00

Junkfood the reason I found it hard was because while you kknow what you are doing, you never have enough hands! It took a while to get used to prioritizing in a way you dont have to do with 1. For example, putting the baby down half way through a feed because your eldest has just fallen and hurt themselves, or the older one having to wait for a drink/lunch etc because the baby is teething and needs comforting for a few minutes.

Once you have that cracked, its ok. Its just the learning curve that comes with 2 that is hard, and thats also why I found 3 easier as I knew what was a priority and what could safely be ignored. When asked how I manage with 6 I say that my standards dropped with each child. I used to be very PFB but now I consider everyday that the same number of people got to bed as got up to be a win! :o

steff13 · 04/01/2014 21:03

We were in the same position as you four years ago. Our kids are now 14, 12, and 3. We were so nervous, going from two relatively self-sufficient kids to a new baby, but it was actually pretty easy. The sleepless nights were no fun, but they aren't at any age. Our house is also a 3-bedroom, so we put our two boys in the master, we took the larger of the other two bedrooms, and gave the baby the smallest room.

The worst thing is the amount of stuff babies need! You forget how much equipment is involved - bottles, pacifiers, diapers, etc. One thing I did do that worked out great was buy a ton of diapers. I bought a pack every week when I went to the grocery, and I had tons when she was finally born. Our stores will let you exchange diapers for a different size without a receipt, so I guessed at what we needed.

It was much harder having a toddler and a newborn than it was having two older kids and a newborn, IMO, but we did feel a bit like brand-new parents at first. :)

DoItTooJulia · 04/01/2014 21:03

Congrats!

I don't have a third, but I'm tempted. I had a big gap between 1 and 2 (8 years) and I've found that having ds1 around has made it easier. He will watch his brother while I shower, or run and get me nappies if I run out.

The cons are I am knackered ds2 doesn't sleep much and I'm 8 years older than the last time I did this, so in that sense it's trickier, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Good luck!

Mugglewhump · 04/01/2014 21:06

Honestly didn't find it too hard. My dc are 6, 2 and a half and 10 months. It was hard doing school run when I had been up half the night with a newborn but my 3rd (and last baby) is a little poppet.

He had to slot into my routine of school runs and nursery pick up. I found my maternity leave flew by and I am now back at work. Life is hectic but I will never ever regret my wonderful surprise baby. My family feels complete.

CrapBag · 04/01/2014 21:11

junk mine are an exact three year gap and its such a good age gap. In found it better because you know what you are doing this time and there was none of that 'wtf do I do' panic all the time.

Original poster

WaffilyVersatile · 04/01/2014 21:29

thank you all! So reassuring you wouldn't believe!

I think its space that's the major concern really but it just feels so odd to think that next Christmas we will have a teeny baby!!

OH (who has taken the news in the exact opposite way to how I thought he would) has already shown me a spreadsheet he has made showing how we could possibly extend the house to create another bedroom, 2nd reception room and downstairs loo (cus I am guessing that 1 upstairs loo will probably not be wise) but I am just not sure we can afford a 2 storey extension - he still thinks it would be better/easier than moving.

I am still a bit in shock but your replies have really eased it, I hadn't thought about babysitting and having someone to watch baby while I run off for a pee!!

It was fine going from 1 to 2 for us. DS was 5 and loved running to get nappies and playing with dd when she was a baby - lets hope he feels the same this time around!!

OP posts:

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