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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to believe him?

45 replies

yourusername123456789 · 04/01/2014 09:21

Last night I was awoken by a noise. I turned, and there was my partner pleasuring himself. I called him on it, he stopped, I can't remember what he said, but something silly like 'ah it's nothing' in a very sleepy way. My first thought was that it was a dream as surely if he were to do that next to me he'd want to be quiet, and it was loud enough to wake me.

anyway, this morning we discuss going for a walk and I say 'maybe you got enough exercise last night eeeeeeeeeeeh?' in a teasy way because I thought it best it was brought up and he looked all confused, asking me what I was talking about.

I know it isn't a big deal and I'm sure he has done it loads when I'm not around. We haven't been having much sex since dd was born, but I don't like the idea of it next to me! I do sort of believe he was asleep though, would you?

OP posts:
Magicstars · 04/01/2014 10:17

He might have been half asleep and embarrassed to admit to it. I wouldn't bring it up with him again, he wasn't doing anything wrong IMO.

Balistapus · 04/01/2014 10:18

I'd believe him.

I understand, from asking male friends over the years, that the shower is the place for knocking one out.

Lilacroses · 04/01/2014 10:19

Yes, I probably would believe him and it wouldn't bother me at all either way.

harriet247 · 04/01/2014 10:23

Embarrassing but not on purpose rude etc

Madambossyboots · 04/01/2014 10:26

I'd believe too, he surely wouldn't be so blatant ... ?

Binkyridesagain · 04/01/2014 10:27

Yes, I would believe him.

C3P0 · 04/01/2014 10:49

It's really not worth arguing about. Be grateful he only strays alone.

Original poster
yourusername123456789 · 04/01/2014 11:03

Yes thanks all. I understand the act wasn't wrong but imo it is a little wrong next to me, but I can't be mad if it was in a dream! That one comment does explain why he takes so long in the shower though Wink

I have calmed down a little now though, thanks everyone.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 04/01/2014 11:31

"Be grateful he only strays alone."

Really! Is the DP owned by the OP?

izzydazzling · 04/01/2014 12:41

Sorry to go against the grain but I don't see the problem with a grown man/woman masterbating in their own bed. He was probably having a cheeky little one to get himself of to sleep (and probably thinking of you) :)

But if YOU have a problem with it then tell him. But talking in a 'teasy kind of way' will definately confuse the message.

WandaDoff · 04/01/2014 12:43

I

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2014 12:43

I'm always cheekily playing with myself when my husband is asleep next to me- I use it as a sleeping aid Grin I'm pretty sure my DH has been stirred by me a few times but he's never mentioned it Smile

WandaDoff · 04/01/2014 12:43

Sorry, bloody phone.

I'd believe him.

Greythorne · 04/01/2014 12:45

What's to believe? A person can pleasure themselves in their own bed without having to justify themselves.

RandyRudolf · 04/01/2014 12:51

Personally I'd prefer my partner to want me to join in if I'm lying right there beside him.Wink

BillyBanter · 04/01/2014 12:51

I don't think he was wrong to remain in the comfort of his own bed for a sleepy midnight wank but if you don't like it then ask him to retire to the bathroom in future. Other than that I quite often don't remember my half-asleep adventures.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2014 12:56

As long as the sheets aren't sticking together, I don't see a problem whether he was asleep or awake.

NeedaWee · 04/01/2014 13:06

Jesus, talk about controlling behaviour. "I called him on it" - what gives you the right to dictate what he can and can't do to his own body ffs.

if I were him I would be running for the hills and never look back

Bloodyteenagers · 04/01/2014 13:12

Doesn't matter if he was awake or not. It's his body, and if he wants to knock one out, totally up to him. Same with if you want to rub one out. If do called me on it, he would be told where to go.

RandyRudolf · 04/01/2014 13:13

Jesus, talk about controlling behaviour. "I called him on it" - what gives you the right to dictate what he can and can't do to his own body ffs.

I think it depends if they have had a discussion on this before and the OP has said it makes her feel uncomfortable. If he was to go ahead regardless then it's rather inconsiderate. She's not telling him to stop altogether but to consider not doing it in her company.

RandyRudolf · 04/01/2014 13:22

Just reading through the OP again it's clear that there are issues about how intimate you've been with one another since your DD was born. As you bring things up in a 'teasy' way, do you feel uncomfortable discussing the subject as a whole with him?

Greythorne · 04/01/2014 13:27

"I called him on it"

What does this even mean?

Do you believe you have the right to say no to sex when you are not in the mood?
If yes, you should see that your DH has the right to wank if he wants.

MostWicked · 04/01/2014 13:29

I don't see what the problem is. I've done it before, he's done it before. Far more considerate than waking you up if he knows you wouldn't be up for it.

livinginawinterwonderland · 04/01/2014 13:39

Who cares? If he wants to masturbate in bed, he can! There's nothing wrong with it Hmm

RandyRudolf · 04/01/2014 13:40

OP, I think you would be best asking MNHQ to move this to the Relationships section tbh.