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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give frozen girl my scarf

90 replies

GlitzAndGiggles · 03/01/2014 19:23

I was sat at a bus stop when a lady came with 2 young children. The one in the pushchair was screaming for about 15 mins and she was in a thin coat with no hat, scarf or gloves. Whenever she told her mum she was cold she was told to shut up. The older girl - probably around 7 or 8 was shivering away too also in a summery type coat. Anyway after 15 mins of the crying it clicked in my head to give the one in the pushchair my scarf so I took it off and asked the mum if she wanted it for her daughter and she kissed her teeth and took it then walked off . I wasn't trying to make her feel bad but it was horrible seeing these girls like that. Should I have just stayed out of it?

OP posts:

annielouisa · 04/01/2014 13:14

Sounds like they were all inapproropriately dressed if the mum was just wearing a cardigan and not a winter coat. I think the "teeth Kissing" was too covering up her embarrassment and also probably why she walked away.

Topaz25 · 04/01/2014 16:02

YANBU, what a lovely thing to do. It's a shame the mother was so rude. Embarrassment might explain why she didn't thank you but she shouldn't have been telling her daughter to shut up. Hopefully your kindness made a difference to the child.

Feminine · 04/01/2014 16:14

I'm going to suggest something a bit 'out there'

op do you think she just got tired of waiting for the bus?

I know I have given up many times... or

maybe you reminded her to get some extra clothes for the kids?

To not say "thank you" was rude. However, as has been said many times here-you would have had no idea what happened in her day.

Nice of you to give your scarf.

horsetowater · 04/01/2014 17:10

On mulling this over a bit I have come to the conclusion that it would have been better to offer the scarf to the mother, with a clear message that other people care about her as well as her daughter. Easier to think of in hindsight though. I think that engaging the parent as well gets a more positive response.

Original poster

GlitzAndGiggles · 04/01/2014 19:31

Yeah possibly so horsetowater, it was just seeing the little ones face I wanted to give her a big cuddle

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 04/01/2014 19:38

OP YANBU and it's perfectly reasonable to enquire about your actions and if they were acceptable given that you were trying to be nice and there was a bad reaction to it.

Agree there have been some bizarre 'look at how great I am' threads lately but I don't think this is one and also agree that PP comments on some sniping responses to this! No need really is there...

DamnBamboo · 04/01/2014 19:38

agree with a PP comments on

pregnantpause · 04/01/2014 20:22

My DDS were out in summer coats today. One had sunglasses on. It's not a fight I could face this morning but we had to walk the dog. I thought , well, they will be cold, maybe tomorrow they'll put their bloody coats on. If anyone had overheard my reacting to their whining on the way home, they would have said I was cruel and snappy, probably abusive to boot I'm not, but it's twenty minutes, they didn't die, and I had already fought to get them to stop fighting, clean their teeth, don't take food into the toilet, don't ride the dog, etc.. If some smug so so had offered them warm clothing, with the implication that I've failed to dress them, or indeed, failed to even notice their suffering! Sucking my teeth may have been the politest reaction I could muster. (no one did btw- I'm not the tooth sucker, we went completely unnoticed)

manicinsomniac · 04/01/2014 20:26

Did you actually mean her to keep it. If somebody had given my child a scarf while waiting for the bus I would have said thank you then, when we were on the bus, I'd have given it back. I would have just assumed you were lending it not actually giving it.

Unless you made it very clear you were giving it to her to keep she was BVU to just walk off with it.

she WBU not to say thank you regardless.

Original poster

GlitzAndGiggles · 04/01/2014 20:35

I told her it smells of perfume but she can have it for little one and that's when she took it and kissed her teeth

OP posts:

Original poster

GlitzAndGiggles · 04/01/2014 20:36

Pregnant pause I'm not smug believe me. It was getting later so the temp was dropping and the girls weren't in appropriate clothing

OP posts:

NeedaWee · 04/01/2014 20:42

Should have just called social services and taken a few pics for evidence. Thst would have shut the miserable tooth sucker up and you would still have had yer scarf

Loonytoonie · 04/01/2014 20:58

FFS you lot.

horsetowater · 05/01/2014 02:16

Oh so you gave it to the mother and she took it. That's fine then. That says it all. If she was really offended she wouldn't have taken it. Teeth kissing can mean anything.

Shockers · 05/01/2014 05:52

They could have been in a refuge and not able to get all their things in an hurry. Teeth sucking is the sort of reaction I would have if I were upset and trying to hold it in.

I think I might have tried to talk to them first, rather than show outright that I thought the children were not dressed adequately. I'm also slightly confused about the perfume comment.

All that said, that child will have been warmer with your scarf.

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