To formally complain about this woman's flagrant disregard for the well being of my anus?

[HoneyDragonling]

I have recently had a poo. It was quite pleasant, chatting to my brother through the wall. Then I shouted for my bum to be wiped. No answer! The feckless baggage was downstairs ironing my penguin trousers. This is being done because it's very important I wear my penguin trousers today.

I shouted louder. Then, then

She told me to WIPE MY OWN BUM!

Now I am perfectly capable of this task, but today I decided I was not and I know my own mind, right?

I shout repeatedly, and nothing. She just kept refusing.

So I had to do it myself . Then, to add further insult to injury, SHE came upstairs and said "Thankyou" (well I should think so!) and "well done, Honeydragonling". The patronising cow baggage

I'm still sulking.

AIBU to be absolutely sick of this constant disregard for my NEEDS?

My mummy had the audacity to ask me what I do at school when I go to the toilet this morning. Of course I CAN wipe myself. In emergencies like that. But at home it is only right that I point my bottom at the bathroom door and shout "mummy!" Until she comes and does her job!

It's not my fault I have to go to school at four. She's the one that had me in the summer!

Sparkly daughter aged 4 and a half.

You know what, don't bother with the toilet next time.
Do it where you stand, say nothing, leave her wondering about intermittent whiffs.
She'll be sorry when she's putting your pyjamas on later and makes the foul discovery.

Love, MasterSparklePants age 4.5 yrs

Please can someone tell my mother that when a biscuit breaks in half it is her fault and that I'm not so dim as to believe that "It's OK because now you have 2 biscuits".

FFs, who does she think I am?

So all she's had to do all day is iron a pair of penguin trousers (jealous!). And you reasonably ask for one little bit of help and she kicks off!

She needs to start earning her way. Make sure you push her to the limit at teatime and bedtime.

Mothers like yours have had it easy too long.

Sparkly daughter, I've told my mum the same thing, if she's going to be stupid enough to get up the duff in October, then it's not my fault I'm the youngest in the class and haven't developed bum-wiping skills (mind you, I don't really want to try).

As to your mum's argument about needing to wipe at school, my mum tried this on me. However, I am very generous and always save my poo till after school so mum has the privilege of wiping my arse. Most weekdays you could set the clock by my bum, but I did once miss a few days and then had a bit of a problem at school. But only one pair of shitty pants in the first term of reception is pretty good really, don't you think?

-The YankNCocklet, aged 4

I want to wipe my own bum but my stupid mother has to involve herself. She says rolling up loo paper and sticking it up my arse and then just pulling my knickers up isn't right. I'll do it how I bloody well want: my poo, my arse, my roolz.

Sauce for the gosling.

I've had enough. I've moved into my own digs with Riley Paris (my cabbage patch doll). I've dragged all her bedding and my own and have a den on her bed.

I think the time apart will do us good. She's seen the new place, she sighed and muttered something about it only bring four hours till cocktail time.

This is no time for retreat! You have to keep up the pressure or you'll just be making a rod for your own back when she is older.

Do it in the bath next time. Preferably her MIL's bath. When her MIL is already in a bad mood.

• Love from peking, age 3

Well my mum is a piece of work. Yesterday she had me laying the table. I am 1 FFS! She also has me helping with the dishwasher and everything. I get her back by pooing in the bath!

Or chucking raisins around.

I have also secreted some foodstuffs in the kitchen and it is stinking the place out. She cannot find the source but keeps pouring disinfectant down the sink. Silly bitch!

OP I would recommend some assertiveness training to deal with this vile person. There's some great books and TV programmes on at the mo for inspiration. "Horrid Henry" is a good place to start, or maybe "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo".

You must hide the alcohol.

She will never cross you again.

Ha. You are all just kids. I am 13. 13!!!! I just got a lecture. Why?? Because I asked my bad tempered little brother if he was on his period. Whats wrong with that? I never heard a word she said, too loud. Why can't they talk quieter? That's what I want to know. Apparently what my mum wants to know is where do I learn these attitudes. Osmosis, Ma. Osmosis. Thats what I want to say. I daren't. Think she might be on her period.

This thread is bloody brilliant, nothing else to add!!

I may be a big 4 year old boy but its the holidays and my I'll mummy needs to wipe my bum - I had wet hands

but she had a go at me and rushed me out of the bathroom with even wetter hands (she made me wash therm again after wiping) just because she needed to go

I am now dancing round the bedroom singing instead of getting my PJ on .

peking

I pooed in MIL's jacuzzi when I was 3. It took ages to get it all out of the little holes. Mummy cried and asked what she'd done to deserve me. Daft woman didn't understand about psyops and pre-emptive strikes. For real torture, the Trotskyite theory of transitional demand ("Want wabbit! WANT WABBIT! WAAAANT WAAAAAABBIIIITT!") should be your next step.

Venceremos! -Disgracefulchild.

DH just asked me what I was giggling at. Dont know quite how to explain this advice

Haha, funny thread!
I thought about Mn earlier when my ds wouldn't let me clean his bum because he was playing with his cars his leg was cold

well I just flat out refuse to potty train for this very reason - give an inch and all that - go back to nappies I say.

Well I simply refuse to potty train and I'm 2.5. When my female servant casually asks me if I'd like to try pooing in a potty I merely scream 'Me too young, Mama! ME NEED NAPPY!'

I have a problem with the female servant of the house. I thought she'd appreciate it if I defrosted the entire chest freezer by switching the dial to 'thaw', after all I heard her saying the whole family was coming round for dinner on New Year's Day and that she'd need to get the big pork joint out of the freezer by New Year's Eve.

So, I did just that. I turned the dial to thaw. I must have done that on the Saturday or Sunday (I cannot remember, I'm only 2 so days are a bit beyond me at the moment). Anyhow, it turns out the female servant was not so impressed and made some shouting sounds before bungling us all in the car on New Year's Eve to go food shopping. She seemed very huffy and puffy and the man servant also seemed a bit miffed. Cannot think why...

Apparently thawing the freezer destroyed over £200 of food. Well, what kind of idiot buys so much food? It's not like she has two kids to look after as well as going to university. How was I to know she was buying stuff to batch cook for the next couple of months?

Psssssst

She thinks I'm asleep. I've already snuck out of my bed and got into hers and am taking up all the space so she can't get in. Anyway

I WON

I got pity Chinese food. She decided I needed cheering up after her shocking neglect today and ordered takeaway.

My brother says it's really as she's sick to the back teeth of cooking over Christmas, but I know best.

Over and Out.

The 'Tude here!

My 'mum' has started expecting me to wipe myself too!

I now do a sit in. I.refuse to leave the toilet til she does it. Even when she bribes me I don't cave!

When she does cave I smugly say "I win" and skip away. 'Mum' mumbles some bad words.

It gets worse. You lot just wait til you're 13.

Not only do my mothers not understand why I should have my meals served in my room or that I have a moral objection to vegetables, but they actually expect me to put my washing up in the dishwasher AND to sort my dirty washing! There MUST be something about that in the Rights of the Child!

PrincessOfTheWellOfLostPlots

Or do one in your wellies. This takes skill and patience and results in mummy saying lots of new words.