To formally complain about this woman's flagrant disregard for the well being of my anus?

[HoneyDragonling]

I have recently had a poo. It was quite pleasant, chatting to my brother through the wall. Then I shouted for my bum to be wiped. No answer! The feckless baggage was downstairs ironing my penguin trousers. This is being done because it's very important I wear my penguin trousers today.

I shouted louder. Then, then

She told me to WIPE MY OWN BUM!

Now I am perfectly capable of this task, but today I decided I was not and I know my own mind, right?

I shout repeatedly, and nothing. She just kept refusing.

So I had to do it myself . Then, to add further insult to injury, SHE came upstairs and said "Thankyou" (well I should think so!) and "well done, Honeydragonling". The patronising cow baggage

I'm still sulking.

AIBU to be absolutely sick of this constant disregard for my NEEDS?

I AM CUB HEAR ME ROAR! The old baggage that is my mother EXPECTS, yes dear reader, EXPECTS, me to tidy up my toys BEFORE we go out and ::quietly sobs into my Fireman Sam slanket:: will no longer wipe my bottom! She says I'm 4 years old and a big boy and can jolly well do it for myself. She, is EVIL, she'll tell you this herself you know.
Take today for instance, she made me help empty the bins before we went shopping or I don't get my wages. She'll be sending me up chimney's next!

TheCubAge4And3/4'sCubxx

Your first mistake was accepting toilet training.

My mummy tried to get me out of nappies but gave up when I had too many accidents. I now drive her crazy by asking to do a weewee most days, but never enough to be taken out of nappies. So she has take nappy off, put me on the toilet, then try and get me back in the nappy whilst in pain cos of the baby in her tummy getting all squished and I take every opportunity I can to run off nekkid without my nappy.

Nip this in the bud now before your mum gets any other stupid ideas. My Mummy started off by expecting me to wipe my own bum and do you know what she expected today? she expected me to put my own toys away after I'd had to get them out because the stupid cow had tidied my bedroom! I'm 5, why would I want a tidy bedroom? doesn't she know my lego is supposed to be all over the floor to stop burglars?!!

Yes, that's a good idea up thread, Dragonling. Ask Hullygully to wipe you.

I WANT A FIREMAN SAM SLANKET!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

I had a similar experience this morning. After my poo I asked her to come and wipe my bum and she refused. And she used the same sort of excuse, something about ironing my shirt for the office.

I have the same problem. It doesn't matter how long I sit wailing, nobody comes to wipe my bum.

I am only 44.

CalamityKate should have asked when I first got it then, cos I wanted a Bob the Builder one not a stupid Fireman Sam one.

Won'tPartWithItNowCub

Try bending over and putting your bum in her face so she can see that your anus needs attending to.

I feel your pain, DCs on this thread.

My Mummy is obviously insane and completely unreasonable because, after I did my big poo this morning, she asked me to wash my hands. When I told her I couldn't because I didn't like the window (perfectly sound reasoning, sure you'll agree) she still insisted I had to. I stood my ground but then she marched me to the sink and forced me into it.

I can assure you all I got my own back with a rather fine tantrum though.

Keep fighting, Boysie3 x

To be serious for a moment I do sometimes worry for my mother. She asks the most INANE questions - sometimes she will actually ask me what I am doing while I am doing it.

For instance back when I was a toddler I was happily engrossed in putting fuzzy felt up my bottom and she actually asked - somewhat shrilly if I remember correctly - what I was doing.

I made the mistake of telling her - yes I know; just enabling her idiocy. She could see perfectly well what I was doing. I'm hoping she'll eventually learn not to ask silly questions. They're very distracting

Kate, that was one of the funniest threads ever in the history of parenting fora.

YouTheCat

You mean this treatment could last the rest of my life?

I'm afraid so, Honeydragonling.

Sounds like you and I have the opposite problem Honeydragonling.

Mine insists that she needs to check that I have wiped properly. I am two for goodness sake. Of course I can wipe my own bottom. Okay sometimes I miss a bit and other times I use a whole loo roll, but is a girl not entitled to her privacy!?

I feel your pain Dragonling. If you don't put a stop to it, eventually the cow will start asking you to pay for your own Bombay Sapphire!

I mean, it's not as if I'm 18 yet.

Yours, Disgracefulchild.

I do believe this is first in a few steps towarss you getting a job! Be very careful this does not progress too quickly. Make a fuss, do not do it yourself just because she tells you to, otherwise you will be at the job centre within a week!

I think you need parental management classes dragonling!

You may get a free goat if you do!

Was it your mummy who was trying to break in to tesco? Cos if it was, you do need her sorted out. That sort of behaviour will have you shunned at the school gates for being "that mother"

Love MasterGroovee

Thank you YTC :)

It seems a lifetime ago!

Its OK Honeydragonling, lull her into a false sense of security by appearing to go along with toilet training and then stop flushing altogether. It is important you teach any other siblings you have to do this too, so you can deny that it was you.

I know it seems like a lot of work, but watching her do the toilet dance with her pants round her ankles while she flushes poo and cleans the seat warms the cockles of my heart.

My little brother doesn't use the toilet yet, lucky thing, but I'm going to teach him not to flush too so that the loo remains nice and dirty even when we are at school.

Yours, the Twolittlesofakings.

You need to develop the poo & go technique.

Squeeze one out, shake it down your penguin trousers leg, kick it under the nearest piece of furniture. Will drive her MAD I tell you when she plays 'where the fuck is that stench coming from?'

I'm 45, and I'm a jolly clever engineer you know. My partner is getting a bit lax about picking my dirty pants off the bathroom floor, and frequently asks me if I would like her to wipe my arse bottom for me, and then when I say yes please she doesn't do it. Confused.

You have my sympathy honeydragonling my own mummy is being very unreasonable and won't give me what I want despite me throwing everything round the room and hitting my big sister. I shouldn't have to tell her what I want she is being completely unreasonable not to know. (She keeps making comments about needing a nap but if she puts me in my room I'll make sure I get every single toy out)

Little jacks 2

We find the bottom wiping issue was delayed by a good while after we 'accidentally' stuck our fingers through the toilet paperwhilst wiping, and then smeared the poo off our fingernails onto the wall next to the bog. We pissed ourselves laughing when the silly cow discovered this - whilst she was trying to have her own poo

HTH
the trash twins

Just poo in your pants, that's what I do.