Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

AIBU?

To want DSS to move out

251 replies

Confusedconfusedconfusedconfus · 02/01/2014 22:31

I am really not dealing with this well, I am physically shaking.
DH and I have been living with each other for 10 years now. I have two DD's from previous relationship who live with us and our DD, he has 1DS from previous relationship (14) shared joint custody with his mum until he was 12 then he decided he wanted to move in with us permently. I get on really well with DSS, he gets on with all DD's (minus a few fallen outs here and there) but everything was just great up until this evening....

DH goes into DSS room to get him as he was meant to be taking him out for a boys night, thought DSS was just playing xbox. I hear DP shouting, turns out my eldest DD (15) was in his room, they were kissing.
I get DH to calm down, take a breather, then sit them down and talk about this calmly even though I am not calm, I am freaking out inside... This is what they say, they have been 'dating' for two months now, they are in love, they have not had sex. Yet.
We have separated them, told them we will discus this properly in the morning. When everyone has called down properly.

I have come on MN typing furiously on the keypad, I need advice, help, I am freaking out. I honestly don't know what to do, I am now on my 2nd glass of wine.

Ffs, they used to share baths together when they were little. In the past three years of all of us properly living together they have had little tiffs like brothers and sisters do, and have referred to each other as 'brother' and 'sister' And most importantly they are both underage!!!
Tomorrow I want to tell DSS he has to move back to his mums, DH agrees.

How do I deal with this? Can anyone please offer some advice, I need to calm down.

OP posts:

Report

BitOfFunWithSanta · 02/01/2014 23:33

Yes, I've known this happen with older teens in a blended family. The underage bit is what bothers me about this situation.

thegreylady · 02/01/2014 23:35

I should have said though that we didn't come together as a family until they were 14 and 16 so I guess that makes a difference to you.

BruthasTortoise · 02/01/2014 23:40

I completely disagree with most on this thread. These children have been brought up as brother and sister and this needs nipped in the bud. If that involves them being physically separated to different houses then so be it.

Maryz · 02/01/2014 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 02/01/2014 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BruthasTortoise · 02/01/2014 23:43

Yes they have - their parents have been together since they were small.

BohemianGirl · 02/01/2014 23:44

BruthasTortoise It's illegal since 2002. I realise incest (because that is what 'familial relations' means) goes on - and it will be passed off by right on hip parents empowering their children to have a sex life. However I would think the emotional damage later in life will come out. Oh to be a fly on the wall at any family gathering in 15 years where each of the parties brings a new spouse "this is my brother/sister, we were shagging like rabbits when we were 15, our mums said it was ok to experiment" it is just is not normal behaviour. But I suppose it will keep councellors in business

BruthasTortoise · 02/01/2014 23:45

And separating them is exactly what needs to be done - for their own sakes and for the rest of the family.

Mellowandfruitful · 02/01/2014 23:45

I knew someone who had this relationship, i.e. dated her stepbrother as a teenager. It lasted for a couple of years but then when they went off to university it all ended and, thankfully, didn't mar future family relationships - they were basically decent young people who were mature about it all. Just saying, OP, that all this doesn't have to end in disaster.

BitOfFunWithSanta · 02/01/2014 23:45

My understanding is that they have been brought up as step-siblings, but have only shared a home fulltime in the last couple of years.

BruthasTortoise · 02/01/2014 23:45

Bohemian I take that's not directed at me.

whitesugar · 02/01/2014 23:46

Confused, you have had a massive shock and I honestly hope you and you family get through this ok. I also want to commend MaryZ and any other posters for being so calm and sensible. I would have had a heart attack if that happened to me this evening. Luckily we have the advice of Mary and others on MN to show that there is another way to react. I wish Mary and the others would come and live with me until my teenagers leave home. My reaction would have been the same as yours but would have been the the wrong reaction. I don't underestimate the shock you have had but with the advice you got on here tonight I think you will come through it.

BohemianGirl · 02/01/2014 23:47

bruthas

I forgot to paragraph - I was agreeing with you

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 02/01/2014 23:48

My brother and sister never lived together, weren't around each other, met each other twice, not blood related at all but that doesn't mean its ok.

It wasn't ok and I don't see how people could think it was.

NatashaBee · 02/01/2014 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 02/01/2014 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onepostposy · 02/01/2014 23:57

And they haven't been shagging!

BruthasTortoise · 02/01/2014 23:59

But they've been living as a family for 10 years Maryz, the boy has been residing with his DF and his DSM and his DSSis( at least part of the week) since he was 4 and she was 5. Unless you believe that stepfamilies aren't real families and the law disagrees with you.

notapizzaeater · 02/01/2014 23:59

I think you are handling it well.

They wouldn't have hidden it if they thought would be ok. The boys I went out for the longest where the ones my parents "banned" me from seeing - it became almost a challenge.

I think you all need to sit down and discuss it, perhaps if they still feel this way in a year or two ?

Maryz · 03/01/2014 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coco44 · 03/01/2014 00:03

The familial relations extending to step relatives is wrt to 'child abuse' only and covers 16 and 17 yr olds to make it unlawful for a step relative to have sex with them.It doesn't apply here.

BruthasTortoise · 03/01/2014 00:04

It should matter to them that they're parents are married and they've been raised together as brother and sister. It's certainly illegal. And the fall out for their little sister and their extended family when it all falls to shit should be a consideration.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

stickysausages · 03/01/2014 00:05

Can see why it's weird, nothing to add, but thinking of you op

BohemianGirl · 03/01/2014 00:06

maryz - the 1908 law regarding incest was repelled in 2002 - It was replaced with something called 'familial relationships' - which includes step-siblings. So make that clear - you can still have an incestuous relationship if you were brought up with someone in a sibling capacity.

The children in this have had a brother/sister relationship for ten years - it says so in the OP DH and I have been living with each other for 10 years now

The step son said we havent had sex yet "yet" implying intention to have sex.

JeanSeberg · 03/01/2014 00:06

Illegal???

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.