To be offended?

[bordellosboheme]

I was just watching millionaire matchmaker. One of the blokes took his lady up in a helicopter for their first date, I asked dp if he would take me in a helicopter for a first date. "if you looked like that" he said, pointing to the woman on screen. I felt pretty deflated to be honest, even if I was a "joke". AIBU?

At grunt

I'd have laughed and called him a cock or some equally mature retort.

I don't think you can BU with feelings. You can't help what does and doesn't offend you I suppose.

But he didn't take you on a helicopter ride for your first date. So why ask

He's gone to bed, refusing to apologise, and I'm feeling rage

I think it might have been one of those stupid moments where he realised he shouldn't have said it but he's being stubborn.

Honestly, I wouldn't bother waiting for an apology and tell him tomorrow "It really hurt when you said what you said last night. It made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough. Like you would have tried harder if I was better looking because I'd be worth more. I understand you might not have meant it that way, but it hurt even more when you didn't think my feelings being hurt didn't warrant an apology, whether you thought I was being irrational or not. A cuddle and a kiss would have made a world of difference".

And the appropriate comeback was

'Suppose so, but if I looked like that I wouldn't be dating you, would I??!!'

I think you went fishing for a compliment and didn't like your answer.

Over sensitive IMHO so I'm with your husband on this one

Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer. It invited a jokey answer and then you acted the martyr when you got it.

For god's sake lighten up, it isnt like he's bending her over your kitchen table is it?

In my relationship, I'd have laughed and said something 'rude' back. This would be on the understanding, due to past experience, that it was a complete joke, as would the reply be.

However, this is evidently NOT the case in your relationship. If a 'joke' gone wrong, he should have apologised for hurting your feelings. If he wasn't that jokey about it, then I'd be furious.

You put him on the back foot by asking him the question - probably dented his ego and he retaliated.

Unless there are other issues, I would forget it.

I think it really depends how he said/meant it and what he's like generally. My ex would have made a joke like that but he used to put me down an awful lot and I always knew/felt not good enough. If dp said it I'd know it was just a clumsy joke.

Although I think that after you were offended the appropriate response could have been to give you a kiss and say something like 'I was only joking you're beautiful, the only woman for me'.

I would have said the exact same thing as HolidaysAreNice!

Me and DH joke about stuff like that all the time. I would have replied, "don't be daft, as if you could get a girl who looks like that!"

The thing is that we know that we're joking. Well, I know he is, I'm bloody stunning! :o

I would have put on Sherlock Holmes on I-player & made a pointed comment on his lack of kissing abilities when the famous kissing scene came on.

YABU - your relationship is hopeless if you take life so seriously.

Well, what Exit said, tbh.

I mean, you've already had your first date, haven't you, so your question didn't even make much sense and he was just bantering with you.

You know him better than us, does he say this type of joke often? Was his body language a serious one or jokey one? Are you a sensitive type person and does he know it? How long have you been together? (just asking to know how well you know each other).

Well apparently they haven't been on a first date yet

I feel your pain. I once went on a cinema date with an on off boyfriend. As we came out I commented on how beautiful the lead actress, Audrey Tatou, was. " I wish I looked like her", I said.

His reply?

"I wish you looked like her too".

Fuckwit.

Well, as he's your DP and presumably your first date was some time ago, and he didn't take you up in a helicopter and isn't a millionaire, his comment on your looks is no more shallow or hurtful than yours on his money.

Call it a draw?

I agree with meditrina. You question probably was hurtful/insulting to him. If so, his answer was apt, highlighted that you are both not so exceptional that your first date gets televised.

In my relationship that would have been a standard response to a question like that and I'd have been rude back. It's just the kind of banter we have as a couple. Sometimes he misjudges it and makes the wrong joke at the wrong time, sometimes I get it wrong. It happens but we both move on and get over it. I think you should do the same.

Up cycled I think it was viva I saw it!

I just wish he'd put me on a pedestal a bit more, instead of bring do freaking disparaging all the time. That is all.m

Being
So

Ah well, if you want pedestal talk then that's a bit different.

My ExH was incapable of it, and it really did hurt on occasion, especially during times when he was meant to be 'trying', e.g. after his first affair. He couldn't even tell the relate counsellor he thought I was attractive, he said, 'She's not exactly ugly.'

I was, to be fair, with the wrong person.