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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt about my employer's total indifference to my birthday?

39 replies

MrsFruitcake · 02/01/2014 12:54

I'm an office manager, so I usually organise everyone else's birthday presents and cards. It was my birthday between Christmas and the new year. I had messages on my phone from the three others in my office wishing me a happy birthday but received no card or gift before Christmas or on the day, and now it's my first day back in the office and nobody has said a single thing.

The last gift I organised was in October for our apprentice who'd only been with us for a few weeks. My manager bought him cinema vouchers and made me buy a card to give him.

I feel really hurt as I do a lot at work - I often stay longer than I should and go 'above and beyond'. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

livinginawinterwonderland · 02/01/2014 12:57

Were you in work for your birthday? I assume not. I think that's where it gets difficult, honestly.

YANBU to feel hurt that other people got gifts/cards, but I think people have probably forgotten over the Christmas period.

Happy belated birthday though!

McPheelingUpSanta · 02/01/2014 12:57

That is shit

Personally, I wouldn't bother anymore.

Happy birthday! X

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 12:59

YANBU to feel hurt. Unfortunately Christmas is such a busy time of year and people become self absorbed in their own plans. I think if my birthday was so close to Christmas I would consider changing it to another time of the year!

Cheer up, here's some

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 02/01/2014 13:00

Is there usually a whip round for cards etc for others?

Perhaps not everyone is back in work yet and they are waiting till everyone is there? (this happens in our place quite a bit - 20 people in one dept, if it's a quiet time of yr and lots are on hols we wait till there is a larger no in work and send round the envelope).

I hope they haven't forgotten - each of the team leaders here has a birthday list for their team and makes sure no one is left out.

Belated happy birthday hope it works out!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/01/2014 13:00

Perhaps you should organise your own present - along similar lines to previous ones you have organised for other people - and give it to your manager to give to you - to make a point!

brettgirl2 · 02/01/2014 13:00

Are you sure they arent at lunch hurriedly buying you one?

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 13:02

That's an excellent idea SDT

ShatnersBassoon · 02/01/2014 13:02

It's not deliberate, just the Christmas period is always disjointed and so out of the ordinary in workplaces that things like this get overlooked.

Could you take in some treats to share to mark your birthday, to jog people's memories?

Wevet · 02/01/2014 13:04

I thought this was a joke until I realised you are serious! I'm sorry you feel hurt, OP, and it's nice that you go to so much trouble for colleagues' birthdays, and work so hard, but I can honestly say that I have no idea when any of my colleagues' birthdays are, even those I'm fondest of, and it would never occur to me to text, phone, or give so much as a card to a colleague whose birthday fell during annual holidays. You sound as if you are massive overreacting --were you really expecting people to come back to work after Christmas and NY having found time for a whip around?

I'd have been very touched colleagues texted on the day!

Iwilltrythisnamefornow · 02/01/2014 13:04

I think to equate receiving a birthday card as being a measure of how hard you work is BU, as your salary increment and appraisal covers this and is a separate issue.
If you organise everyone else's birthday cards including your own manager's, then I can see why you may feel hurt that something wasn't done for you. You may have to accept you are just a lot nicer than everyone else :)
Perhaps 'have a gentle word' with your manager next time you both have a catch up.

BalloonSlayer · 02/01/2014 13:04

YANBU, It looks as if as you are the one who normally buys the presents, no one has thought to buy one for you because you weren't there to do it for them.

I'd not bother next time, and if asked "are you organising a card for xx?" say "No sorry, I'm not doing that any more" and only explain why if pressed.

Allergictoironing · 02/01/2014 13:08

Similar has happened to me in the past - I found that as I'd always organised everyone else's nobody had even thought about it, as someone else (me!) had always dealt with it for them.

The funniest in hindsight was my family many years ago. My mother had died, so every year I'd do the Xmas stockings for my father & brother (sister was married by then); nothing massive just the usual fun stuff we'd traditionally always had. Then one year we were chatting about Xmas traditions with a friend a few days before and she asked "so who does Allergic's stocking?" Cue horrified looks between my brother & father . That year there WAS a stocking hanging on my bedroom door when I woke up Xmas morning (first time since my mother had been ill & died).

LineRunner · 02/01/2014 13:10

I never do or encourage 'work birthdays'. Waste of time and money.

I appreciate this makes me something of a birthday grinch, but I just think it makes professional adults look a bit daft, eating cake and saying 'ooh no, I mustn't be naughty and have a big bit' whilst the birthday girl or boy wears a massive badge.

Yeah, I'm a grinch....

Anyway, happy birthday, OP

LineRunner · 02/01/2014 13:10

I never do or encourage 'work birthdays'. Waste of time and money.

Yeah, I'm a grinch....

Anyway, happy birthday, OP

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 13:11

Birthdays are a HUGE deal in my office. You are judged if you don't bring in cakes/treats for the office and there are 95 of us working here!

Almost every day the staff kitchen is filled with treats of some sort.

LineRunner · 02/01/2014 13:12

God, I'm twice the grinch I used to be.

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 13:16

Oh, and even if you book the birthday day/week off you can guarantee some greedy bastard will ask you on your return when are you bringing the cakes in!

themaltesefalcon · 02/01/2014 13:19

You cannot be serious.

RandyRudolf · 02/01/2014 13:23

A few birthday treats are now regarded as a 'spread' and people also bring in savoury treats too. It's a like a fecking buffet! We have a couple of people who will judge it and tell you if you should have included more crisps/dips/sweets etc. Honestly, it's unbelievable.
I stick a tin of cheap sweets on the table and leave it at that. If it makes me unpopular then I don't give a shit to be honest

BrownPaint · 02/01/2014 13:27

I would never expect anything from work colleagues if my birthday occurred over the Christmas break...TBH I wouldn't expect a card or present at anytime really...just consider myself lucky if there is a card...

I don't really think about work colleagues when I'm off work, and would only text if they were a personal friend of mine who was close enough for me to see over the weekend...

Weeantwee · 02/01/2014 13:29

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'll be working a ten hour shift. I don't expect anything, even though people usually buy a cake for the birthday person at other times of the year. That's just how birthdays in late December/early January work. As long as my close friends and family remember then it doesn't matter.

edamsavestheday · 02/01/2014 13:32

Aw, I can see why it feels a bit of a let-down that you do all the work for everyone else all year but no-one makes the effort for you. They aren't being actively mean, it's just the downside of having a birthday while everyone's away.

flowery · 02/01/2014 13:32

IME birthdays at the office involve the birthday person bringing in cake rather than whip rounds and cards.

Justforlaughs · 02/01/2014 13:39

I am that anyone bothers with birthdays in work at all, tbh. Yes, if I knew that someone was having a "biggie" then I would get a card (from me) but I'd never bother otherwise. However, in your shoes, I'd be tempted to turn it round on them and buy myself a cake to share in work - and tell them that it is now the NEW birthday routine.
Happy Birthday OP!

Whatdoiknowanyway · 02/01/2014 13:43

You're serious?
Good grief.
I'm with the grinch.

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