to think an email is as good as written thank you note on ye olde paper?

[DrNick]

in this Day and age

It's not about what we think, it's about what the person you are thanking would most appreciate.

I have always encouraged my DD's to write a proper letter, including some point of interest away from "Thank you for my x,y or z". I certainly appreciate a response that has taken some thought and effort after I have given the same energy to a gift or act. My 25 year old sent me an unsolicited email a few months ago, specifically to thank me for having encouraged this as she grew up, as she has realised how valued such a note is.

But why a note. Explain.

Emails just as good

My dcs write thank yous on paper at the moment but when they are old enough to write emails themselves ( at the moment they are much faster by hand than by keyboard) I think we will send emails. They always say thank you in person too. This year they had a lot to do so we've done a few that say 'thank you for giving me x and giving sister y, love shopping bags' ds and dd' rather than making them write one each.

I think a note, requires a bit more effort and thought and presentation. They have always had a pack of attractive notelets/ paper in their Christmas stockings.Often a good pen as well. I have a thing about handwriting too, a skill that is more and more undervalued. It is all to easy to copy and paste a generic email/text, just altering the recipient name and identity of the gift.

Agree with Lissie - a proper note or letter takes time and effort, it is very easy to send a quick 'thank you email or text' without putting any time or thought into it. Yes, it is a pain supervising my 12 year old to write his thank you letters - but he is lucky enough to receive quite a few gifts and should be prepared to put the effort into writing a proper thank you letter.

I find it hugely irritating not to be thanked for gifts (if they have been sent by post - not if they are given in person) - for one thing you genuinely don't know if they have arrived or not. I would rather have a text or email than nothing thinking of certain members of my family.

It's a bit like a letter of sympathy - surely no one would send a 'sympathy text' .

Ragwort, you'd be wrong on the sympathy texts people do send them. To be honest, I've even sent one. Like someone says before it depends on your audience. When my friend lost her baby 6 months into her pregnancy, she didn't wnt to talk to everyone at all-she just couldn't. She ripped up any cards and threw away flowers, not wanting the reminder. I sent her a text sending my sorrow and sympathy and telling her that I'd text again every week just to see how she was and that I was there for her any time she wanted. Our other friends did the same.

She appreciated those texts far more then being called when she didn't want to talk to anyone- she felt harassed at one point- and felt glad that she had no reminders lying around the house.

Sometimes people just need a here and now text rather then wait for a letter to arrive or get calls from people when they aren't ready to speak. It all depends on your audience. I know my friend, I've sent a text to another as well when I didn't really know there family member. For another close one, she needed that call rather then text so I called. I followed up that one with a card and flowers but not the others. Different people, different ways are etter.

People should always thank though, otherwise it's ungrateful.

You are all mad with your strange thank you rules

Who the Jeff cares if it's a handwritten note or not?? I do the unthinkable and just say thank you at the time to the person, I don't and never have written so much as a one word text of thanks to anyone. The world has kept on turning.

Who cares also if the kid had c and p it?

Unseasonable, but not unreasonable. Granny did hers by email this year
I shall be renaming her 'Slacker Granny'

rag, but suppose the gift didn't have much though put into it either?

For example, gift cards from the same shop for every grandchild? All bought in bulk at the same time. Don't have a problem with a gift like that at all, but if you're going to judge how much thought has gone into the thank-you, the same can be applied to the gift, IMO.

Happy to be considered old fashioned. As my last word, I'll pick up on the sympathy cards for bereavement as well though. I always make a point of writing a proper letter, usually talking about memories of the person who has died (I hate euphemisms, like "passed away" too). Again, a £2.00 card from a shop with just my name at the bottom lacks thought. I know these letters are appreciated and read time and again by the recipient. Texts eventually fall off the phone. Must go. My son has his birthday thank-yous to write this morning as well!

I think acknowledging a gift has been sent is really important if you don't see that person in rl - I am always left wondering if it even got there by a few families.

I think thanks are important too, but I'm really not convinced a letter is the only way. My dcs are v young, so can't really participate in note writing, but I may video them playing with something, or photograph them wearing something etc, and email/text/tag on fb so that the giver can be part of the enjoyment of the gift. I don't then write a note as well. For people who don't do computers/mobiles I will write a letter of course but I personally would prefer to receive an email/fb with a picture.

although I agree with you wrt sympathy letters, a card doesn't necc equate to less effort

I think email is fine, really, unless you know that the giver will be hurt by what he or she perceives as a lack of effort. What I really like, actually, is evidence that some thought went into the actual message: the method of delivery is of lesser importance. But that's just me. Agree there's also a strong generational bias at play - even GPs who are perfectly proficient on email may still feel that it's better manners to handwrite.

Having said all of which, we are notorious for not writing TY letters to anyone who gave us a gift in person. We thank them on the spot. Yes, our DS will pay for his lack of manners in later years. It was a battle I didn't pick.

agree on the spot thanks means no letter or email reqd

I prefer to receive emails. There is nothing more disappointing than receiving a card in the post wondering what it might be then to discover that it is a thank you card for a gift that you have already been thanked 500 times for.

DrNick spot on in every respect. Paper is old fashioned and a pointless torture for children (and adults - where did I put the stamps? What time is the post? Have I got the right postcode?). An email is simple and does the job. I dislike getting thank you paper notes as I think of all the wasted energy and manpower spent on delivering it to me. Give me a witty, thoughtful, heartfelt email any day.

messreproe spot on! If you don't get gift in person a note reciprocates the thought and effort taken by giver and ensures they know you get it. I love proper letters from people or a note inside a card! And I also want to keep our village postie in a job

My niece posted a picture of her 5yo DD cuddling the present I bought her and tagged me in it. She wrote a comment below saying Thank you for my present, I love it.

Was lovely.

On Facebook I mean.

Sympathy letters are a bit different as usually (fortunately for me and the people I know) the people who have lost someone are older and absolutely everything you do for or to a bereaved person should be as far as possible within their comfort zone. Sitting in an armchair opening the post when they feel up to it, and reading loving words on paper, is far more likely to comfort older people than sitting at a computer they have probably set up in an uncomfortable place and may never even fire up when in extremis. (sorry about stereotyping. Have been re-reading the Dave and Jean thread) (So the person above who sent sympathy texts is operating on exactly the same principle - how can I best support this particular person?)

Also - I have never asked my children to write one, and I am an old git who is perfectly happy sitting down and scrawling out words. Kids nowadays don't even write essays by hand, it is alien to them.

You might say that thank you letters similarly should be in the manner most comfortable for the recipient. I don't think it's the same. Unless they actually have to go to the library to read their emails, I don't think you need to bend over backwards the same way for a simple "thank you" to a hale and hearty grandparent, as you would do anything in your power to smooth the path of a person in grief.

I honestly don't care how thanks come, and I definitely don't expect any sort of written thank you if I have had an 'in person' thank you at handover of present (even if this is before the opening date). I don't get why people get so worked up about it!

I am happy to stick with my old fashioned views .

I am not talking about gifts which are handed over in person but perhaps we are unusual in that we do not see many of our relations so most presents are received by post and therefore I do think it is appropriate to send a proper, hand written letter. My DS (12) had about eight letters to write after Christmas, it only took him an hour, it is hardly a chore is it ? just less time on the PS. Quite honestly even if the gift is a cheque or voucher then it is 100% more useful than some obscure 'toy' that he might have been sent, he would much prefer the cheque anyway.

I write thank you letters for presents/parties/weekends away with friends and so do my children. Think it's good manners and a letter so much nicer to receive than an email. I was brought up to do it and am bringing my children up to do the same.

I know lots of people don't do it, but I also think some people (not all) judge if they are not thanked, or not thanked properly, and so I want my children to know how to do it properly.

It's also good for their handwriting!