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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of with my arse of a husband.........

39 replies

tiredoutgran · 01/01/2014 23:06

who discharged himself from hospital today and rang me, 10 minutes before the time I had told him I was serving up lunch to the family, to be collected. He did actually say he was going to walk the 5 miles home but as he has a suspected spinal fracture I felt I had to go and get him. Soooo, collect him, return home and continue cooking the meal , serve up and he sits like a zombie making everyone feel miserable. To be fair he was pretty dosed up on valium and painkillers, so I was glad when he wanted to go to bed. I then had to take him back to the hospital to be readmitted because he was in so much pain. After an early start, caring for the 4 children and his numerous horses, preparing a huge lunch for extended family and several trips to the hospital, then trying to get my own work returned before tomorrows deadline, I am now completely knackered - Happy New Year to me!

OP posts:
NinjaBunny · 01/01/2014 23:08

On the plus side your cooking must be pretty spectacular for him to discharge himself from hospital and offer to walk 5 miles with a spinal fracture.

Any chance you could see it as a massive compliment?

InPursuitOfOblivion · 01/01/2014 23:09

I agree. He's a dick head and should have stayed put!

WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 23:13

Why on earth were you feeding the extended family while having to cope with all that and hospital visits??

Original poster
tiredoutgran · 01/01/2014 23:15

I don't think it was my cooking as much as the 5k gammon joint that he had chosen, I reckon he was worried we would eat it all without him! I also don't believe he had any intention of walking home, he knew I would pick him up! He just made what has been a crap time even harder because he is too selfish to think of anyone else. I do feel sorry for him being in pain but he could consider us too, I have been racing around all week trying to keep it all together and could just do without it.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredoutgran · 01/01/2014 23:18

WilsonFrickett - erm tradition (and the fact that the arse bought a 5k gammon joint) tbh, even without the extended family there are 7 of us, well 6 without the arse. I would have coped much better without the extra trips out, I had my timing planned with military precision!

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 01/01/2014 23:19

So he's been in hospital over the festive period and you're mardy with him because he wanted to come home and it made it a bit difficult to serve lunch?

harriet247 · 01/01/2014 23:20

Wilson is so right

WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 23:23

Then you're daft, sorry. Get someone else to cook if you feel you really must host everyone, but I think your ire would be better focused at the family who let you martyr yourself over a bit of ham rather than your husband who has no doubt been having a shit time in hospital and just wanted to come home. Really CBA with people who insist on soldiering on...

Original poster
tiredoutgran · 01/01/2014 23:25

Yep Toby, that it about it! He wasn't in over xmas (although he should have been), he didn't just make it a bit difficult, he ruined it for everyone. Trying to explain to small children why he was acting strangely and out of it really wasn't nice

OP posts:
PedlarsSpanner · 01/01/2014 23:25

traditional in your family to grind the non-hospitalised partner into the ground, or traditional for you to suck up being the doormat who jumps at a fingerclick from extended family, or something else?

poor DH and poor you and a big two fingers up to everyone else

PPaka · 01/01/2014 23:28

Poor dh

YouTheCat · 01/01/2014 23:29

Tbh I'd be more pissed off with the hospital that allowed him to discharge himself whilst under the influence of such strong painkillers. It's entirely possible that he wouldn't be thinking straight whilst in so much pain and he could have done himself more damage.

MammaTJ · 01/01/2014 23:33

Why on earth were you feeding the extended family while having to cope with all that and hospital visits??

That really!

Lairyfights · 01/01/2014 23:34

Agree with YouTheCat, I've been in the position of being in hospital, off my tits on painkillers for Crohn's and wanting to discharge myself! The doctors laughed at me! If he was so out of it I'm surprised they let him, you're very vulnerable on strong painkillers and need care - I think the hospital letting him walk home is ridiculous! Also, I know it must be annoying for you but please don't be pissed off at your husband. Hospital messes with your head, a spinal injury is obviously serious and he's on a lot of medication that will make him act differently. You being pissed off at him won't help.

DamnBamboo · 01/01/2014 23:37

I feel sorry for your DP to be honest.

Why exactly is he an arse, given that you conceed he is drugged up to the eyeballs?

Or are you just venting? In which case, YADNBU and here is some Wine

Smile
MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 01/01/2014 23:45

I'm not surprised you are mad my love. It used to be that if you discharged yourself from hospital they could refuse to take you back, not sure if that's still the case.
I bet you are frazzled coping with all that.
Your poor dh should have been in hospital, so sorry for you all.
Apart from your extended family who should be looking after you.

bellasuewow · 01/01/2014 23:47

You the cat and lairs are right he was off his head and they should not have allowed him out like that.

macdoodle · 01/01/2014 23:51

I'm not sure how you think the hospital could have stopped him, if he has capacity then he had capacity, drugged up or not. I am amazed that people think hospitals can restrain people against their will Shock.
Can just imagine the posts if that was done....

Topaz25 · 02/01/2014 00:02

It seems like your husband is not thinking clearly at the moment between the pain and the painkillers. He probably just wanted to come home and didn't think it through. TBH you sound too concerned about what other people think of the situation and explaining his condition to them, when your priority should be your husband's health (and yours!) This must be a very stressful time but the stress of your husband's health problems is unavoidable, whereas the stress of catering for the extended family is avoidable. See what you can prioritise and minimise so you can be there for your DH at this difficult time without burning out.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 00:09

Mac, my ex broke his wrist and had a small dose of diamorphine for the pain after it was set. He was absolutely off his tits and acting really oddly even for him. His decision making ability was way off and I wouldn't have trusted him to be able to cross a road by himself.

Yes, hospitals should have procedures to cover this otherwise there'd be a lot of people discharging themselves and putting themselves at serious risk.

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2014 00:15

Off topic but I know a few people who have had very strange reactions to diamorphine, including DH...

YouTheCat · 02/01/2014 00:18

I don't think it was that strange. Probably all those drugs mixed in with him coming down off a booze binge.

Personally I had no reaction to diamorphine at all. Had an on demand type drip thing following a c section and used it once, with no effect whatsoever. Asked for it to be taken out and had paracetamol after that. Grin

Steph3141 · 02/01/2014 00:21

Yes, YABU...your poor husband. You don't sound like you care about him very much. How dare he be I'll and not be able to hide it from people .... Sheesh

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 02/01/2014 01:08

YABU he's ill and wanted to be at home. You are more concerned with lunch? You could have asked a guest to help or told them all to bugger off. He should be your priority in this situation.

TobyLerone · 02/01/2014 02:49

So lunch was 20 minutes or so late. Big deal.

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