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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed of with my arse of a husband.........

39 replies

tiredoutgran · 01/01/2014 23:06

who discharged himself from hospital today and rang me, 10 minutes before the time I had told him I was serving up lunch to the family, to be collected. He did actually say he was going to walk the 5 miles home but as he has a suspected spinal fracture I felt I had to go and get him. Soooo, collect him, return home and continue cooking the meal , serve up and he sits like a zombie making everyone feel miserable. To be fair he was pretty dosed up on valium and painkillers, so I was glad when he wanted to go to bed. I then had to take him back to the hospital to be readmitted because he was in so much pain. After an early start, caring for the 4 children and his numerous horses, preparing a huge lunch for extended family and several trips to the hospital, then trying to get my own work returned before tomorrows deadline, I am now completely knackered - Happy New Year to me!

OP posts:

Blushingm · 02/01/2014 03:12

He's a nob but I like ninjas was of looking at it!!!!

Smoorikins · 02/01/2014 05:25

If that had been my husband, lunch would have been cancelled and I would have spent as much of new years day with him as the hospital would allow.

I can't imagine calling anyone an area for wanting to be with their family for new year celebrations.

It sounds to me that you may have reacted like this because you have too much on your plate. Do the things that need to be done, but cancel the rest. Other people can cook and look after children. And maybe when he is out and better, you should take some time out, just for you.

Of course, I could be misreading the situation.

Smoorikins · 02/01/2014 05:26

Arse not area!

DorisButtons · 02/01/2014 07:47

Rug up the horses, chuck a few bales over the fence and serve them a portion of benign neglect for a couple of days. You need a rest.

ReallyOverThis · 02/01/2014 07:58

Your poor DH. You seem to care very little for him.

CoffeeTea103 · 02/01/2014 08:07

Your poor DH. You sound a delight. He probably wanted to be home even if he couldn't participate much.
And off course you should pick him up from the hospital, you seem to think it's a favour you've done him.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 02/01/2014 08:11

Men love bacon though don't they? I'm surprised it was just YOUR DH that turned up tbh! ;)

halfwildlingwoman · 02/01/2014 08:14

I fail to see why an member of your extended family didn't either drive to get him or take over cooking? Mine would have definitely done this, but so would ILs, and they are usually useless. Did you ask for help?

PansOnFire · 02/01/2014 08:28

You sound absolutely frazzled, you need a break. Tbh I feel bad for you that you're getting comments about how you don't seem to care very much for your DH, it sounds to me like you're trying so hard to keep everything together that you've lost perspective on what the important things should have been. Retrospect is a great thing and so is looking from the outside in - of course there were things you could have done to make it easier but it's very hard to see through all the pressure sometimes.

Get in touch with some of the extended family you fed yesterday, have specific things you need help with and ask them to do them for you. Give yourself at least half an hour of time today where you do nothing, then reassess the situation with your DH - find out what the situation is with the hospital and then go and see him. I know DHs can appear my insensitive when we have so much to do but if he's out of it on painkillers then it sounds like he needs your support.

I hope your new year gets better.

Original poster

tiredoutgran · 02/01/2014 09:53

Feeling calmer today! I think part of the issue is that with 4 small children and elderly relatives, added to a hospital ward that will not allow children under 12 (I found this out on NYE after trailing down there with the children because I couldn't find anyone to care/cope with them). Why on earth they put a family man on a ward that doesn't allow children I cannot understand.

He was assured when admitted that he would have his MRI the following day, that was Saturday, he finally had it done Tuesday but then there was no senior consultant to assess it. Apparently he was seen by a junior doctor late last night and told his scan was fine (odd since x rays showed fracture and was agreed by 3 ortho consultants, but who am I to question even though I had been assured by the hospital manager there would be ) and he could come home, so I collected him after midnight.

OP posts:

TheBrotherHoodOfSteel · 02/01/2014 10:01

My husband had a spinal fracture and he said the pain was the worst he had ever felt. He had to discharge himself from hospital early because his ex had just left him and 'forgotten' to take the kids with her including a six month old baby. Apparently he was in so much pain from the spinal injury he cried a lot, he was relieved his ex had left but the spinal injury kind of ruined that for him.
I feel sorry for your husband tbh it was just your meal that was ruined he must have been and is still in agony

Topaz25 · 02/01/2014 11:40

I would seek another opinion if 3 experienced orthopedic consultants diagnosed a fracture from the xray and only a junior doctor said his scan was fine. Mistakes happen, I don't want to scaremonger but my cousin was left disabled after a spinal fracture was missed.

Original poster

tiredoutgran · 02/01/2014 13:02

Thanks Topaz, I am going to ring the clinical site manager again and ask them to get ortho consultant to call me, the doctor was shitty with him because I had rung and complained about him coming home in the state he was in (I actually rang for advice but the ward staff were rude and didn't give a shit, not their problem etc so I took it further). I must admit I am a bit worried as because doctor told him he is perfectly fine and his back is better than most he has seen he has now gone to move a load of hay, despite the pain he is still having, he thinks he has no excuse. The manager had told me that there was no senior ortho consultant in until today so I was shocked when he rang and said he had been told it was all fine and was discharged.

OP posts:

annielouisa · 02/01/2014 13:13

I am sorry for you as you sound exhausted but also feel for your DH who must have been in so much pain and confused by the meds.

Who do the children belong to? If they are not yours but DGC their parents should have taken responsibility for them.

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