WIBU to ask DP to refuse invitations from his brother if I am excluded? (Long... Sorry!)

[Lucktree]

Hello all,

I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I need some advice regarding a situation I am in, and I do not know what to do. The introduction is a bit long, but I would like to give as much background in order to avoid drip-feeding.

DP and I have been together for 2 years. We live together and are very close a couple. Our family know that we are currently viewing houses to buy together.

DP's brother has always been difficult to accept people. He wrote off his dad from his life when after his mum passing away, because his widowed dad dared to start a new relationship.

DP's brother keeps on ignoring the fact that DP and I are in a relationship. DP's brother would invite DP to parties or dinners and specifically mention that DP is invited alone, yet when DP turns up other invitees would have been allowed to bring partners.

Over the Christmas period, a family member of DP hosted a party to which DP's brother, his partner, DP and I were all invited. I was made to sit opposit DP's brother. He did not say one word to me. Yet, he was speaking happily to other people he was meeting for the first time.

Later that night, DP was giving his brother a lift. When we were all in the car, DP's brother repeatedly excluded me from conversation. If I joined in something they were talking about, DP's brother would simply stop talking leading to an awkward silence. If DP asked about my opinion on something, his brother would not give me a chance to speak. He literally made as if I was non-existent!

I am not sure why but I find the situation very frustrating. I do not feel that I need DP's brother's approval or friendship but I find it difficult to be ignored altogether. It is not as if DP's brother and I ever fought - he just keeps on ignoring my existence.

DP is a little caught in the middle. DP does not like the way his brother treats me yet there is nothing he can do about it.

WIBU to ask DP to refuse invitations from his brother if I am excluded?

I think before he simply starts refusing invitations, your dp's first step would be to speak to his brother, explain how important you are and ask him to make an effort.

DP does not like the way his brother treats me yet there is nothing he can do about it.

Uh he could say stop being so fucking rude to my partner

Your dp needs a word with his brother! you cant force someone to like you but no need to be rude either your dp needs to sort this 1 out

If my brother was that rude to my DP I'd be pulling him up on it and telling him to start behaving like an adult! Of course your DP can do something about it!

Of course he can do something about it. He can sit down with his brother and make it absolutely clear that you are an important part of his life, both now and in the future, and that the brother's behaviour is completely unacceptable. Has your dp ever asked his brother why he behaves the way he does?

If I were your DP I wouldn't have it. I wouldn't have it if you were just friends, let alone in a committed relationship. He needs to grow a pair and sort it out with his brother.

Yes dp needs to inform his db that he must make an effort with you, for his sake. The least he needs to be, is civil.
If dp could not do this for me, then that would create resentment and problems in our relationship.
How do you feel about refusing to go anywhere until db can be civil? I wouldn't put up with it.

I agree with Harry, he should of told his Brother straight, as in "stop being so ignorant, you are an adult behave as one" (but not that polite).

The Brother needs to be challenged and you are within your rights to do that, if he starts to treat you badly.

Seriously, do adults actually think that this should be ignored, or that it is acceptable behaviour?

Do not buy a house with this man unless he learns to stick up for you

Erm-there's plenty he could do about it. He could call his brother on it, every single time he's rude to you. If he doesn't do this, I would see no future at all for you two as it means he has no respect for you.

Do you honestly think he values you as an equal/partner to treat you like this?

DP has never said anything to his brother. It's terribly hurtful for me that DP refuses to stand up to his brother.

dp brother didn't like you for done reason .

Dp needs to man up grow some balls and stop letting his brother treat you like shit!

If he dosnts get the fuck out of the relationship

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable.

Why should the OP's DP ask his brother to make an effort BonaDea? An effort to do what, stop being a complete arse?

What sort of person behaves like that towards another person?

Agree with Harry, DP's should tell his brother his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Also, when DP is invited with you OP, I'd be inclined just to turn up with him and see what his brother makes of that.

fedup21 this is exactly how I feel. Truth is DP is very good to me in all other aspects! The only thing that is upsetting is the brother situation.

Would counselling help?

I really don't want to give up on our relationship if things can be sorted.

sorry, that should be invited without you

yes, but that's not the same as saying "there is nothing he can do about it" - of course there is. He needs to ask him why he is being so rude to someone that he cares about, for a start.

Reading this back, I am wondering if the reason why DP's brother behaves like this towards me is because I have a good relationship with his father.

There must be some explanation. Perhaps the brother got the wrong end of the stick on something in the past and has mistakenly taken offence over something innocent. You need to get to the bottom of it before laying the law down. It may all resolve itself easily with a bit of a chat between your dp and his brother

willyoulistentome I have tried to think of anything however petty I may have said to upset him. There is absolutely nothing.

DP's brother still maintains a friendly relationship with DP's ex - no chance of reconciliation she's now gay. So, he has accepted other people in the past.

Odd. I do think you both need to find out what the brother's issue is though.

"DP does not like the way his brother treats me yet there is nothing he can do about it."

Yes there is. He just chooses not to.

You need to force the issue. Dp has taken the line of least resistance. He doesn't want to upset his db, but is fully prepared to upset you. He needs to know this is not on.
You have no choice but to stop it (with the possible repercussions to your relationship) or suck it up.

Your DP needs to stop allowing his brother to be blatantly rude to you. It's a bit pathetic that he won't tbh, what's he scared of?

You need to get tough, and tell your DP to tell his brother straight, "dont be so fucking rude to Luck"

If he doesnt, then you arent much high in his list of priorities.

WooOldOld I think that DP wants a relationship with his brother. In the past, his brother was so unapproving of his widowed father starting a new relationship that he simply cut his father out of his life.

DP has long his mother and has a good relationship with his dad. DP feels he should hold the a family together.

Gosh, this is messy! Should I get DP to go for couple counselling? If he will not stand up to his brother, I suppose that this is a problem for our couple.