Namechanged in case someone recognises me.
Background: my mum died just before Christmas, she wasn't a great mum my DB hadn't spoken to her for 3 years due to things she said about SIL. I had cut contact with her for 5 years however a few months ago she asked for a second chance which I gave to her, she broke her promises so I stopped speaking to her.
I haven't been that upset by my mum's death, I think it is because I had come to terms with never seeing her again. My DB is more upset and I think he was hoping for some sort of big reunion.
So I had plans to go to PILs for NYE but my brother asked me if I would go to him. I said okay though I didn't really want to because they live an hour away and I need to come back and look after the cat before the fireworks. So I said sure but DH and the DCs were still going to PILs. DB said he wasn't sure now. Then MIL said that DB and family could come to theirs if they liked. DB said he would like to come.
So last night DB, SIL and DNs turn up at PILs and the first thing SIL said was your house is huge are you scamming the system. MIL laughed it off and just explained that they bought the house and developed it over 10 years. SIL then had a drink and sat by the food and didn't talk to anyone.
DB marched in sat in a comfy chair and ignored everyone who tried to talk to him. I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn't like the dog wandering around. So PILs put the dog in the conservatory, DB didn't improve. I went to talk to him again with a drink and some food and he said that he was bored then he got up and wandered around still ignoring anyone who spoke to him.
I went home to care for the cat and I put my youngest to bed. Then DH came home and said DB was following him and he had just kicked off at the party because the dog was by himself and there were fireworks (the dog is deaf and couldn't hear them so didn't care) and he ended up making MIL cry, then he asked DH if he could come and say happy NY before he went home. I got my other DC ready for bed because he took ages to get to us.
When I came downstairs he slammed through the door shouting that I hadn't told him I was leaving (I had many times) he said I was horrid and turning into our mum. He then started pushing DH, DH kept telling him to stop and he wouldn't so in the end DH (who wasn't really sober) pushed him back and DB fell over. He started shouting about the police and shouting to the DCs that their dad would be locked up. I begged him to stop and just go home and he pinned me to the wall shouting at me. DH pulled him off and dragged him outside.
This morning DB came around and said he was sorry about all that had happened but it was my fault really because I made him feel stupid because I kept talking to him in the party and he hadn't wanted to go anyway. I told him that I had asked him what he wanted too do and anyway it doesn't justify his reaction. He blamed it on grief and said I should understand but I don't and it upsets him. Then he just walked out.
So who is being unreasonable ,should I just forget what he did because he is so upset and I am not caring enough or should I still be annoyed at him for his behaviour.