to tell my daughter's guest to leave for smoking in the house?

[WestieMamma]

They're both 20. They both know that there's no smoking in the house. She's been smoking when we're not around and opening the windows in an attempt to hide the evidence and lying to my husband when asked about it. My daughter's room absolutely reeks.

Reasons for total ban on smoking:

1. We have a baby
2. Husband is severely asthmatic and irritants such as smoke trigger attacks.
3. My husband and I do not want our house to smell like an ashtray.
4. It's our house, our rules.

I'm very, very angry. My daughter thinks I'm very, very mean.

AIBU?

YANBU. And I would be angry with my children if they smoked even if they were adults - for being so stupid.

And of course loads of folk still smoke in their homes.

Catwithflower
my work colleague redecorates every two years because they smoke in the house! They have 2 young children one is asthmatic! Health aside it makes everything stink.
Smoking is disgusting and smoking indoors is extra disgusting. And I speak as someone who is regularly behind the woodshed and will endeavour to stop

My parents and a lot of my family smoke. My parents smoke in their home. Not once have i had a complaint about having to smoke outside.

Your dds friend was rude and you were right to throw them out.

you may need to spell out to them just how much they and the house smell when they've been smoking - as they won't be able to smell it themselves so will think they're ok flapping their hands out of the window....

Has DD's friend gone yet?

Now, you see I can do better. We went away for 3 days leaving 16 and 18 year old dds. We expected them to have friends over. We did not expect friends to smoke in the house. They didn't, they used the patio. Of course, they went into the garage to look for something to sit on. Would you choose

• plastic garden chairs
• the dining chairs that your grandparents kept immaculate for 50 years that your parents are trying to find a matching table for? Having chosen said dining chairs formerly belonging to your late grandparents, would you then leave them in the garden in pouring rain from Sunday til Wednesday?

YANBU. My DH smokes, and leaves our house every time. He wouldn't ever smoke in someone else's house. They both need to be told that it is utterly unacceptable and that they are both out if it happens again. Incredibly rude in someone else's house and at 20 they should both know better. Are people growing up later and later these days, without wishing to derail your thread too much.

She's gone. After I told them she had to go and they realised I was serious my daughter was all eyes down, shame faced and apologetic (although I suspect it's more sorry she got caught than sorry she did it). Her friend didn't apologise at all, cheeky mare.

Even when DH and I were smokers never ever did we smoke in the house so if I never done it I would be raging if someone else did, your quite right!

You could just give a final warning. Also, think about where they can smoke. If there's no shelter in the garden, they'll be more tempted to break rules.

i really hope i don't have to deal with selfish, disrespectful brats other than my own, when dcs are older. shudders.

Well at least your DD had the grace to look sorry. Her friend sounds an appallingly spoiled, rude little brat.

I'm really sorry op. I'm so desperate for my ds (AS) to have friends (he's only 11) that I'd be in a quandary. I would have talked to them seriously about it like you did, but it would have really upset me too. I was doing that when I was 15, which was very immature and stupid of me-ds is years behind his peers developmentally so I imagine he'll be more immature than most at 20.

So sorry it had to come to that Westie, but hopefully it was a lesson learned for your DD's friend.

greenfolder - that is awful

YANBU.

But I feel cheered by this thread. Years ago if you were a non-smoker you just had to put up with people smoking in your house, smoking in restaurants, smoking in offices, pubs, any public place. It would have been considered hugely impolite to tell a smoker that they couldn't smoke in your living room. Good to see how things have changed.

That is so true. People lit up anywhere and everywhere and no-one was allowed to challenge it. I still remember going for a very expensive meal years ago with a boyfriend - very lovely restaurant, all very nice, until a group of 4 arrived at the next table and proceeded to smoke all the way through their meal, sending stinking smoke over us and our food. It was awful, but there was nothing we could do except leave .

Loving Topaz's PA sign.