to tell my daughter's guest to leave for smoking in the house?

[WestieMamma]

They're both 20. They both know that there's no smoking in the house. She's been smoking when we're not around and opening the windows in an attempt to hide the evidence and lying to my husband when asked about it. My daughter's room absolutely reeks.

Reasons for total ban on smoking:

1. We have a baby
2. Husband is severely asthmatic and irritants such as smoke trigger attacks.
3. My husband and I do not want our house to smell like an ashtray.
4. It's our house, our rules.

I'm very, very angry. My daughter thinks I'm very, very mean.

AIBU?

They sound very immature, both of them, if they think they can get away with smoking in the house & opening the windows to get rid of it. I remember DH's sister doing this at 14.

However, I'm going to disagree with all the others and say I would let the friend stay, after a very stern warning that this was her last chance and that I would not tolerate it again - once more & she's straight out.

There are some pretty grisly anti-smoking adds around atm (related to heart health) & I would be trying very hard to get them to quit, using a mix of carrot and stick approach.

Westie, thing is, you can't actually be angry at your adult dd for smoking. She's an adult, making a choice that is legal.

You only have grounds to be angry at her for smoking in your home. If she smokes on her own time, outside, on nights out, tough.

Get rid of both of them.

Plain rude even without the health implications, if she's been asked not to that should be a good enough reason for a guest.
Am also wondering, judging by your DDs attitude if SHE has told the guest it's ok.

I'm not angry at her for smoking. I think she's bloody stupid but that's her choice. I'm angry at her for letting her friend smoke in my house, most likely joining in herself and being so disrespectful to me and my husband.

I agree with Miranda that I would issue the guest a very stern warning and make it clear that you intend to stick to your guns about it. That means you've given her a chance to mend her ways, and if she continues to disrespect you and your house well, it's time for her to leave. Btw I'm a smoker but would never smoke in someone's house even if they didn't ask me not to.

That's so bad there's no way I'd ever dream of lighting up in someone's home especially where a baby is present!

YANBU, very disrespectful

YANBU! We have a non-smoking house even though DP smokes, he goes in the garage to have a fag! Put them both in a tent in the garden for the rest of their stay

yanbu not to mention the health risks!!

buy or print out one of these, cross out teenagers and add twenty year olds

Write out a list of cleaning tasks that will need to done to remove all traces of the smell, explain that she needs to fund and complete these tasks to start to make amends.

Yanbu.

I'd never have her back either. Not only for flouting the rules but for influencing your dd who she must know won't stand up to her.

Your dd needs to take responsibility though too. Very selfish!!

Your house, your rules...

Westie.

Long story, but my ds was diagnosed with aspergers at 17, this was directly as a result of smoking in the house and the fire that happened when he didn't put it out properly.
You can't have this in your house, not only because of your wishes which are reason enough, the H&S with as and smoking has consequences far beyond asthma, allergies and aesthetics

YANBU

I used to hang out my bedroom window to smoke when I was 18.

You just can't get rid of the smell. Mum still noticed even though she smoked in the house downstairs as well.

Very few people I know still smoke in the house people just don't do it any more - for good reason!

You should have seen the yellow that came off the blinds when mum used to wipe them - gross!

It seemed so normal then but the thought of it now turns my stomach!

YANBU. I smoke like Dot Cotten but wouldn't dream of smoking in my own house, let alone other people's.

I wouldn't have told the guest to leave, I would have had a bloody great rant about respect, consideration for others, health implications, defenceless children etc etc ... then after I had drawn breath I would have started on daughter who is clearly old enough to know better. they would probably both have left of their own free will after that LOL.

your house, your rules... If she can afford to smoke then she can afford to live elsewhere if she wants to smoke inside.

I'll send her a picture of my quad bypass that should stop her smoking

Actually, does anyone still smoke indoors anymore? A genuine question from a non smoker.

It's disrespectful, and also contemptuous as they're insulting your intelligence by imagining that you wouldn't suss it just because they open the window. As demonstrated by the lying.

I take it that you've actually called them on this or you wouldn't have mentioned your daughter being railroaded. What was their reaction to you doing this ? ..... I hope they had the good grace to apologise profusely.

But yes, YADNBU if you ask this guest to leave. Maybe if she'd held her hands up the 1st time your DH asked, and hadn't lied, and hadn't done it again .... but sounds like this has happened a number of times, so basically, you can't trust her to respect your house rules. Why should you have to suffer such rude, and unpleasant behaviour any further ?

I don't think I know anyone who does cat and I know a fair few smokers.

That was a response to catwithflowers

It's really disrespectful.

Mum smokes, but never in my house as she knows I don't like it. I've never even had to ask her to smoke outside (unlike her sister, my aunt, who assumed that as I'd invited them to the house that gave her the right to smoke in it).

YANBU. My husband also has asthma and we don't allow smoking in our house, our guests know to go in the garden. We have a sign like this, which makes the point in a humorous way: www.solsinberlin.com/media_files/product_images/hi_res1/phpoSzhSS.jpg
By smoking in your house when she knew the rules and the reasons for them, your daughter's guest was being disrespectful so it is reasonable to ask her to leave.