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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think was, actually, no-ones/everyones fault?

75 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 04:57

I bought some veg for dinner tomorrow/today. The grocer gave me it in a cardboard box. I dumped the box in the hall as I was late for work.

I was meant to stay home after work and put the veg away after work, DH went out with the children. My mum invited us all to her for drinks, hence the veg stayed in the hall, I went out. DH met us later.

We came in from drinks, sans children, as my mum kept them. DH whined about the veg in the hall. Owing to a ridonckulously small kitchen and fridge, I moved the veg to the top of the black ceramic cooker. The cooker glows red when it is hot. It was not red.

DH asked for pizza. I put the pizza in the oven and noticed the power was off at the wall. I never turn the oven off at the wall, for safety reasons. DH constantly does. It is a never ending argument.

I did not think to check the top hobs were off, I did not think about it all. The oven is never turned off at the wall unless all the red lights are off and the hobs are off and cold.

After a few mins I went outside for a fag and noticed flames and said "There is fire, like, actual real fire" quite calmly, it was a very small fire. I was in the process of carrying the slightly on fire box to the sink when DH came out effing and blinding.

I am a terrible person who deliberately tried to burn the whole family to death. I am a cunt and a terrible mother etc.

moving date is 13/01/14

So was it an admittedly avoidable accident or am I a cunt of the highest order?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/01/2014 05:01

He was probably a bit concerned about the fire in his house which I think would explain a degree of effing and blinding.

Yes it was uour fault, yes it was a stupid thing to do but everyone is ok no damage done so just let it be lesson learnt.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 05:05

I would accept a bit of panicked swearing, 30 minutes of telling me I tried to murder my whole family on purpose is a bit much, no?

OP posts:
DameDeepRedBetty · 01/01/2014 05:09

He's a twat. We've all told you that many times DOoin.

Is moving date you and the children finally LTB-ing?

happytalk13 · 01/01/2014 05:13

Prick of the highest order. You made a mistake - you did not purposely try to kill your family. Calling you a cunt over it is fuckwittery. From other posters I'm guessing there is a huge fuckwittery back story.

Hope the move goes as smoothly as possible and here's to a better 2014 for you.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 05:14

It is, although he does not yet believe it, nor do I, tbh, but tonight has strengthened my resolve.

House I am currently down for the tenants are moving out on the 11th, I am looking at smaller, more suitable properties in the meantime. Dd1 wants to move 3 doors up from nana and granda, granda is not so keen Grin

OP posts:
Spermysextowel · 01/01/2014 05:16

I'm just learning how to deal with an induction hob & it still recommends making sure each ring is off before you turn the whole thing Off Off or once you turn it on it may become On On & some parts may then be on. And your box will catch fire.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 05:24

Yy, off off or your box will catch fire, thems my rules, when nothing is red, it can be turned off.

Though I like it on/off just in case. If it is on/off then you will always know if it will be on/on when you turn it on. It must never be off/off unless it is off. It is preferable to never be off/off.

Only dd1 understands the rules. She is 10. Hmm

OP posts:
Chottie · 01/01/2014 05:42

It was an accident, ok it could have been much worse, but it wasn't. You've all learnt from it, so remember the lessons and move on.

Your DP was bang out of order calling you such foul and abusive names. Chin up and remember you are on a countdown to the 13th.

DameDeepRedBetty · 01/01/2014 05:48

Yay!!!!

Housewarming at DOoins weekend after next!

Please stick to it DOoin, and don't hesitate to ask if you need help - from memory I don't think I live particularly close to you, but if I'm wrong and you could do with a hand to shift stuff, please pm.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 05:57

Atm, house is literally around the corner Sad 6 month contract while I build up what used to be my guts.

Dd1 knows. Her relationship with him has completely broken down. Choice made.

I am having a Happy New Feb party, I figure by then all moves will be made, I will know DH's hand (my mum suspects there is an OW, I sincerely hope there is, if there is, he will let me go, no fuss, play the injured party and move her in by summer, I sadly believe this not to be the case and there will be riots when I leave)

To where we are moving my mum and I can carry the stuff I intend to spirit away. Everything is/was his.

OP posts:
DameDeepRedBetty · 01/01/2014 06:02
Flowers

This WILL be the year you start having a good life again.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/01/2014 06:13

Thanks Dame, it feels good having someone cheering from the sidelines. I finally have my parents onside too, which has made it easier, my mum will apparently move in with me and my dad will not notice because he has alzheimers, so as long as she still feeds him all will be well Hmm

My dad will also partially move in, to escape my mum's moaning Hmm

Confused

Sounds like I will have a busy house and on tap childcare Wink

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 01/01/2014 06:18

Sounds fab lovey Smile

Lets hope 2014 will be your year.

Spermysextowel · 01/01/2014 06:49

I wish you a happy scarper & may the hobs be ever in your favour. X

LindyHemming · 01/01/2014 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slainte · 01/01/2014 07:34

Dooin I've lurked on your threads over the years and always hoped you would leave him. I'm so glad to hear thar you are now, you deserve so much more from life. I wish you every happiness in your new home.

giraffesCantSledge · 01/01/2014 07:37

He should turn the fucking hobs off.

Roshbegosh · 01/01/2014 07:39

Maybe you could tidy your kitchen a bit so you have space to put your veg, or put it away in the first place. No need for it to be dumped on the hall floor.
This could have been a tragedy and you have to admit it was down to your carelessness. DP should never call you named like that though.
Your dad, with Alzheimer's will be left on his own and will be fine as long as your mother pops in to feed him, in between being childcare on tap for you. Have you thought this through?

petalsandstars · 01/01/2014 07:52

roshbegosh you obviously have no idea of the back story. Massive overreaction by STBXH but OP is not in the wrong over this

Rowlers · 01/01/2014 07:54

Do you know, when someone makes a mistake, I can never understand the need some people have for having to point the finger of blame. It's a way of saying "I'm better than you because I'd never have done that".
Same thing happened to us once.
DP had cooked porridge and, unbeknown to me, had left the hob on at its lowest setting. I moved a plastic tray onto the hob (small kitchen too) which burst into flames a short while later. Tray slung in garden. No harm done, thankfully.
Who was to blame? What diference does it make?

Rowlers · 01/01/2014 07:55

Do you know, when someone makes a mistake, I can never understand the need some people have for having to point the finger of blame. It's a way of saying "I'm better than you because I'd never have done that".
Same thing happened to us once.
DP had cooked porridge and, unbeknown to me, had left the hob on at its lowest setting. I moved a plastic tray onto the hob (small kitchen too) which burst into flames a short while later. Tray slung in garden. No harm done, thankfully.
Who was to blame? What diference does it make?

HappTeeNewYear · 01/01/2014 08:00

Glad to hear you're making a move D0oin.

And honestly, it was no ones fault. It was a bad set of circumstances and no harm done.

Your DH is, once again, a dick.

StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2014 08:05

Glad you are finally going Dooin
Happy New Year :o

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 01/01/2014 08:06

Long time lurker, here.

Woo Hoo your leaving! This all I have to say. Oh and I do hope there weren't sprouts in the box as they smell proper nasty when burnt.

MrsMook · 01/01/2014 08:15

It's so easily done.

I've only lived with that kind of hob in halls. The cleaners were forever burning themselves on the stupid things. They'd check that they were off in advance, but while they were doing other tasks, there was enough time for someone to do something small like beans on toast, leaving the hob hot with no obvious signs.

There was a fire in another flat in very similar circumstances. Hob had been left on (at a glance, 3 looked like off with a vertical dial), students came back after a night out, someone put the bin lid on the hob, happened to be next to a top covered in cleaning fluid. They went to bed. The fire alarm system did its job. The kitchen was very smoke damaged, but contained. All were safely evacuated from the block (except the one who slept through the whole incident and was found safe, and unharmed in a very deep alcoholic sleep by the firemen checking things over)

Here's to a slightly delayed fresh start to a happy new year, and hope the next place has gas.

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