To think was, actually, no-ones/everyones fault?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

I bought some veg for dinner tomorrow/today. The grocer gave me it in a cardboard box. I dumped the box in the hall as I was late for work.

I was meant to stay home after work and put the veg away after work, DH went out with the children. My mum invited us all to her for drinks, hence the veg stayed in the hall, I went out. DH met us later.

We came in from drinks, sans children, as my mum kept them. DH whined about the veg in the hall. Owing to a ridonckulously small kitchen and fridge, I moved the veg to the top of the black ceramic cooker. The cooker glows red when it is hot. It was not red.

DH asked for pizza. I put the pizza in the oven and noticed the power was off at the wall. I never turn the oven off at the wall, for safety reasons. DH constantly does. It is a never ending argument.

I did not think to check the top hobs were off, I did not think about it all. The oven is never turned off at the wall unless all the red lights are off and the hobs are off and cold.

After a few mins I went outside for a fag and noticed flames and said "There is fire, like, actual real fire" quite calmly, it was a very small fire. I was in the process of carrying the slightly on fire box to the sink when DH came out effing and blinding.

I am a terrible person who deliberately tried to burn the whole family to death. I am a cunt and a terrible mother etc.

moving date is 13/01/14

So was it an admittedly avoidable accident or am I a cunt of the highest order?

The veg is actually fine, bar one exploded potato. The box has seen better days.

DH is still ranting about it. It's turned from a small fire, to flames licking the ceiling and being a narrow escape I could have burned the whole street down now I actually carried the on fire box to the sink, without so much as a burnt finger, so really it was not that bad, we have very sensitive fire alarms, it would never have gotten that bad.

My kitchen is tidy, thanks, if I don't see to that the greyhounds do, but we have very limited work space and tend to keep toasters, blenders, kettles along it. The slow cooker was also out, taking up the only usually available work space. We don't tend to keep things on the oven, it was the only clear space in the kitchen.

My Dad does not have alzheimers, afaik, my mum thinks he does and thinks he will not realise she has moved out. He is moving out to escape her moaning about his alzeihmers No-one is moving in with me, that was a joke.

Yes, I've found somewhere the dogs and cat can come, but it's too big and I'm not sure if I will be able to carrying on working, I think once dd1 has left she will refuse to go back even for a night and at 10 is too young to be left alone for that long.

I am having to take a risk on private rented though, which I hate. I've never had a good landlord in all my years of renting and have been left without working showers/boilers/cookers for long periods of time.

Good grief, I am so relieved that you are moving out.

The whining about the veg box while HE did nothing about it, the refusal to observe obvious safety precautions about turning off at the mains, the abusive language.....

It's all very ell people saying 'it's an accident people can learn lessons from it' but the whole point is that no, clearly one person in that household will not ever learn lessons because they think the OP is responsible for everything, will not listen, will not be told, will not discuss and apportions blame in an abusive manner.

Roll on your moving out date OP, well done.

Who the fuck turns an oven off at the wall but leaves the hobs on?

Your STBXH is entirely to blame.

Though I'm always paranoid about this kind of thing whenever I pop stuff on the hob (smallest kitchen in the world, so I know how handy and tempting the extra "counter space" can be. I'm going to set fire to my laptop one day and DH will scorn me muchly.

Just another here to be glad your finally leaving. Glad you found the strength.

You and your girls will be fine. One day at a time and a very happy new year to you.

Very good news that you're leaving, well done.

Dooin yanbu at all

And I am so so glad that you are getting away from this arse

I quite agree with Rowlers. Regardless of whose actual fault it was (bit of both IMO), why the fuck do people have to go on and on about something that was obviously a mistake and try to score as many points as they can from it? Clearly you didn't actually plan to burn the house down! My STBXH was like this too. He did many really stupid things that could have had serious consequences (left the door not just unlocked but actually open when we went on holiday once), and he was always astounded that I didn't rant on/get mileage out of them, because that's what he always did when I fucked up, however minorly. Fuck, surely you just take the view that there's no harm done, they didn't want to burn the house down/get burgled any more than you did, and get on with your life?

Glad you're leaving Dooin. I'm just over a year on from where you are now and it's bloody great!

Yes, that's exactly what he's like Fetchez. Everything has to be exaggerated and someone must be held accountable. He is out drinking now, I am sure all his friends will be hearing about his near death experience in great detail

He'll go on about this for months. The fire will get larger and larger with each telling. He is still maintaining that we could have died, we could have lost the house, the fire could have spread and damaged other houses, other people could have died, if the oven was gas it could have exploded. If we had curtains it would have spread very quickly, the children could have been home and could have been hurt etc etc etc I suppose all of these things could have happened, except they didn't so why am I supposed to apologise for them?

He says he's being a twat about it because it is concerning how blase I am about the fact that the house almost burnt down, except it didn't. A box burnt, it was put out quickly and nothing else was damaged.

I could understand him being concerned about me blase if the box was still burning and we were in danger, but it's not and we aren't. I'm really not sure what it is he thinks I should be doing.

Glad you are getting out Dooin. There's only one cunt in this situation and its not you. Fuck, I'd have stuck the veg box up his arse.

Are you safe in the house with him now he knows you are going? He's not going to escalate or do anything after he has had a drink, is he? I hope you are ok.

So you carried the box from the oven to the sink. This burning box, practically an inferno, about to explode, so dangerous, and you bravely stepped in, did what needed to be done and saved his life / house / street!

You are so brave! I think you need to discuss this! A lot! Perhaps mentioning about how most people in that sort of life threatening circumstance would just freeze. But you acted! You never know how people react until they are tested. And you were tested! And you were wonderful! Such a star!

Perhaps now you know you are a life saving hero you should also start thinking about a new career. A firefighter perhaps! Or the police! Somewhere where your Courage under fire is needed.

Discuss this a lot!

Good point MumOfTwoKids!

I wouldn't be surprised if the papers didn't get hold of the story of the heroic Mother, who 'after an unnamed member of the household turned off the crucial light that warned of a hot hob' saved the entire street (and their curtains, babies and unborn kittens) from destruction by bravely grasping the box, with it's ceiling high flames , and extinguishing them.

I would give you a medal, for sure

YABU. If you have this type of hob, never put anything down on it. Never. Ever. Your fault and your DP will say ridiculous things if you try to evade responsibility. And never put stuff down on the hob.

Dooin it sounds as though this is just another nail in the coffin which will steel up your resolve (mixed metaphors or what!).

I am shocked that he left the hobs on and turned it off at the wall - clearly not at all safe. If he insisted on turning everything off, that's all very well, but just flicking the switch whilst leaving the hob on is completely unreasonable. Similarly, going on about things is not necessary or acceptable - you dealt with it, not ideal, but no harm done.

Roll on 13th - not long now!

Doesn't even matter about the fire off you are finally able to LTB dooin!

The accident is entirely irrelevant.

Your partner needs to be an irrelevance too. This move has been a long time coming. Good luck:)

I think it demonstrates why you should never leave anything on the stove - I have also nearly caused a fire this way. There is no wall switch but one of the knobs got knocked on accidently. My fault entirely.

I was quite glad my dh didn't swear at me about it. I made a mistake.

There is clearly a back story to this.

You know, D0oin, I wouldn't put it past him to have actually deliberately switched it off at the wall without turning the hobs off, knowing that you use the hob space as a bit of extra dumping space, and hoping that one day you would do something like this just SO he could have a massive go at you. He's that sort of git, from what you've said before.

Sorry missed your later posts. Clearly much more to this! Good luck to you. But still please, in your new home, don't put things down on the hob!

We've gone from one extreme to the other now, he's just not turning any of the oven off now. Clearly that's exactly what I mean when I say don't turn it off at the wall until the red lights that indicate it is still hot have gone off [sigh]

We're having the dc's cousins stay over tonight, so he has to be nice. We all have to watch kiddie films on Netflix all night on my broken

X-box 360. He's already being nice and is threatening to replace the broken X-Box for me

Let him buy you a new XBox 360 as a leaving present!

I've not read all your history, but he really does sound like a twunt of the highest order. Yes, his imaginary Towering Inferno scenario could have happened, but it didn't - you made a mistake (as did he in switching the oven off) but you very quickly rectified it. How has he rectified, or attempted to rectify, his mistake? He hasn't, and he's now being even more of a dick about the oven.

I hope you'll be very happy and relaxed in your new home, and all the very best for your new life

Your husband is a twat and I'm glad you're finally leaving him. I'm not sure if I've ever posted on any of your threads but I've read a few over the years. I really hope your new landlord is a good one - you deserve nice things to happen to you after all the crap you've taken. Our landlord fed our cat for us over Christmas so good ones do exist.