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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yes I am, and DP has confirmed it. But I'm still annoyed!

52 replies

MadameBigToes · 31/12/2013 18:30

OK totally first world and highly unreasonable/unseasonable whinge alert.

Friend has asked us out to dinner in a restaurant for his birthday - all good so far, get babysitter, nice meal out. I should be looking forward to it but I'm not because every time we go out with this friend he decides we are all going to have the "banquet"/selection of dishes/everyone share everything option. I've checked and yes, it's that type of restaurant and will definitely be happening.

I very rarely get to go out for a proper kids-free meal in the evening and when I do, and am paying for it, I just wish I could choose my own food! I cannot stand it when they bring 35 little dishes, they get spread over the whole table, and then 10 or 12 people spend about half an hour passing them up and down, going "ooh what's that!?" "Excuse me" "Ooh try this!!!" with someone else inevitably grabbing all the nice stuff before it reaches you, and by the time you've finally got a plate of shitey leftovers food to eat it's all bloody cold anyway. It makes me want to cry. When I could have just chosen a nice meal that I like and have someone cook it who is not me for once.

I can't say anything because it's his birthday, his choice and it would seem massively unreasonable as it in fact is is. And it would look surly to ask to opt out of the oh-so-fantastically sociable and fun "banquet" and just eat my own.

I know some people can't afford to eat out at all, I know I'm lucky. If you want to come and flame me, feel free, I know I'm in the wrong.

Bah.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 31/12/2013 18:33

His birthday, his choice.

OwlinaTree · 31/12/2013 18:33

Bah.

My DH would be with you.

Not much you can do tho.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2013 18:33

And it would look surly to ask to opt out of the oh-so-fantastically sociable and fun "banquet" and just eat my own.

No it wouldn't look surly...although obviously you'll need to cut out the sarcasm.

Just tell them all you're ordering your own meal because that's what you prefer.

No problem.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 31/12/2013 18:34

Say that you are very sorry but you are keeping your eye on what you are eating for allergy testing, so you'll order something that you know is safe. Then join the back in with their chat about the banquet options or Christmas or whatever everyone else was talking about.

It's only a big deal if you make it one. They can't argue with the above, and they won't try. You'll get what you want (which isn't unreasonable, by the way) and they can still do a banquet or share.

ImperialBlether · 31/12/2013 18:35

Just say that they can all share and you'll order your own! It is allowed, you know.

MabelBee · 31/12/2013 18:35

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I also hate sharing. But I don't know what you can do about it.

CMOTDibbler · 31/12/2013 18:36

I feel your pain. I hate shared food like that - I want to choose my own and eat that, not fight over it.

But as you say, you can't do anything about it on this occasion. But I have been known to order for myself when 'starters for the table' are being done

acrabadabra · 31/12/2013 18:37

I don't think yabu at all. I wholeheartedly agree. I hate banquet type meals. I must be more outspoken than you though as I would, and have, said bugger that. I want my own food on my own plate thank you very much.

Have you seen the Gavin and Stacey episode where they order an Indian?

foreverondiet · 31/12/2013 18:37

Actually you can opt out, I have done in past - as I don't eat certain foods eg deep fried food gives me indigestion and I try to avoid gluten / wheat. I just say - I'll just order my own food thanks. It's easier if you position yourself at the end of the table!

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2013 18:37

What do you mean you don't know what the OP can do about it?

She can order her own meal of course! Grin

Seriously, if the OP ordering for herself meant that no-one else could have the banquet, then she would be very unreasonable.

But that's not the case, is it? Confused

Thurlow · 31/12/2013 18:38

I hate this too. It's like tapas. I love the idea of tapas, but if there are more than 3 people you never seem to get anything decent to eat and I leave starving even though we've ordered 5 dishes per person Confused

I'd try and make up an excuse about needing to avoid certain foods at the moment so you're sorry but you're going to have your own dish

Loopylouu · 31/12/2013 18:38

I'm with you op. I hate sharing food and like you, I don't get to eat out much so I want to enjoy it when I do.

I'd go with the allergy testing/special diet thing so you don't get pushed into it and be up sounding like a knob if you refuse twice.

notanotherusername1 · 31/12/2013 18:39

I am with you all the way. Personally I would just in the nicest way explain you don't fancy the banquet and are going to order your own. I just can't see why anyone would honestly have a problem with this. My dh used to have a friend who liked the banquet option and I would say your reasons are just my reasons as to why I never like them.

It might be 'his birthday' but why the heck should it all be his choice.

It's a free country. Opt out and eat your own.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/12/2013 18:39

This is where being a veggie works well 'No thanks, banquet for [you lot minus 1] I'll have the [whatever you fancy] please.

Which incidentally you can still say no matter what they order. When choosing the selection just say 'I'll not have the banquet thanks, I'll have the lasagna/whatever for my main'.

PrimroseLodge · 31/12/2013 18:40

Op I'm with you, I hate all that shared dishes stuff. Ness and Smithy were speaking for me!

diddl · 31/12/2013 18:40

TBH I don't think it is his choice if he's not paying!

Surely the place can do "banquet" for 7 (or however many) & OP can oder her own meal?

CaptainSweatPants · 31/12/2013 18:40

Let dh go on his own
Save the taxi & babysitting fare for you two to go out on your own & choose the restaurant & meal you want

dexter73 · 31/12/2013 18:44

That is my favourite kind of meal! I love trying lots of different dishes. My dd doesn't however, so she always orders her own meal ( and then nicks loads of ours!).
I think it is fine to order your own dish for yourself. Hope you have a lovely evening!

Caitlin17 · 31/12/2013 18:45

I'm with the OP on this. I hate these banquet type meals. I usually say I'm vegetarian as I really don't like chicken or pork which always feature thus limiting my choice.

FracturedViewOfLife · 31/12/2013 18:46

When we last went for tapas I got two small dishes for myself. I just said I didn't like much and was ordering my own. If it was rude, it was rude. I enjoyed my food. Nobody said anything to me.

BlackDaisies · 31/12/2013 18:48

So after all this advice you HAVE to order what you want. We shall all expect your update later saying you were brave enough . FWIW I can't stand massive shared meals either because I usually dislike about half of it! And like you say, the best bit about going out is getting your favourite food cooked and brought out to you!

Original poster
MadameBigToes · 31/12/2013 18:49

Thanks for all the replies, I'm v happy that other people know what I mean!

I need to try to grow a pair and find a way to opt out. Friend and his DP are the kind of people who will put pressure on you in a loud and cheery way "Oh come on, it'll be great!" and just ignore what you've said, so I would have to insist several times, which could get a bit uncomfortable - but I like the idea of just telling the waiter.

When I moaned to DP he said IWBU - he is of the "banquets are SUCH FUN!!!" persuasion - but, he did say we should do a dinner date and go to a restaurant we like on our own another time, and put it in our shared diary and says he will sort out the babysitter :)

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 31/12/2013 18:54

Oh I agree with you!

I go out so infrequently that choosing my food from the menu without having to consider veggie DH/ food allergy DS is utter bliss. I can have EXACTLY what I want. < closes eyes and sighs with happiness >

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip · 31/12/2013 18:56

yanbu. Yes it's his birthday but you are paying for yourself so order what you want. Banquet/buffet isn't my idea of a nice meal out, I prefer to order exactly what I fancy. And there ain't nothing wrong with that god damnit Grin

WipsGlitter · 31/12/2013 18:56

Just smile and nod at them and then order your own meal. I've been to banquets where people have done this because they want specifIc things of are fussy eaters.

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