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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel pissed off at dh having a go at me every morning

37 replies

tiredoldmum · 30/12/2013 22:36

I think I have had enough of his lazy lodging grumpy ways.

I am getting ready to apply to some jobs starting next week and this week I am studying and preparing.

DH has taken to constantly spying over my shoulder at what I am looking at and having a go at me.

He saw me looking at something related to my old career(Business analyst) and he said well I thought you weren't doing that anymore. I said I am just looking. Then he just starts in on me. He said you need to pick something and stick with at as you do something for 6 months and don't finish. He said you spent a lot of time on a project and didn't finish it.

Hmmm well maybe because HE wasn't working and wasn't looking for work and we were losing our house and he had this hair brain idea to move across the country for no reason to some rural shit hole.

Then because of HIS dirty hygiene, I ended up in hospital for a week with a bad infection.

We were finally able to move back to the city and been busy unpacking and organising.

So he cleaned up the house the past 2 days while I was working on my cv and interview questions and he is stomping around saying I haven't been doing anything.

He hoovers and mops the floor one time and thinks he deserves a damn medal.

So now he has the nads because I am doing something positive and getting back on my feet to start pestering me and having a go at me first thing in the morning which of course really is a downer on my mood. I suffer from anxiety and depression as it is.

I have worked since I was 14 years old and he has worked 2 months out of the past 2 years so he should just shut his gob when it comes to my work!

The bottom line is I am going to be the one getting a job and he will just sit around and play video games and moan at me and pester me.

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 30/12/2013 22:37

L.T.B for the hygiene if nothing else. Grim.

procrastinatingagain · 30/12/2013 22:58

Ltb. He's trying to knock your confidence and make you doubt yourself. Life's too short, I know this from experience!

Original poster
tiredoldmum · 30/12/2013 23:08

I really think I am going to. I have tried to make things work and it gets better for a little while.

Why would someone want to knock someone elses confidence?

OP posts:
TheListingAttic · 30/12/2013 23:28

Um, yes, maybe, but...sounds like a monstrously stressful time for both of you and maybe he's judt freaked/scared/guilty and handling it badly? I sm kind of playing devil's advocate, but can see myself getting snippy sbout OH's efforts if I was in a general panic - and was coming out of an ill advised move that was my idea. Twerpish way to deal with things, but I can possibly understand how it coukd happen.

Wider context is all, of course....

mummymeister · 30/12/2013 23:45

the purpose of a partner is to support you through everything. you both need to get out of the house either doing a job, volunteering or just getting out and about. being stuck in together causes niggles to become rows. why hasn't he been working? is he ill/cant be bothered? what was the point of the house move? to find jobs or to get away from something/someone? there are just so many issues going on here that I suggest you try and unpick them one at a time. personally looking at the sum total of it I would move on. nowhere in your post does it sound like you love or respect him in which case get an exit strategy sorted.

Original poster
tiredoldmum · 30/12/2013 23:55

taking the devil's advocate, maybe he is stressed but hiding and dumping everything on me isn't helping.

I have stopped going along with his ideas. Buying the house was a financial disaster, moving was a disaster.

The reason why he wanted to move so badly is because he hated where we were living, the state everything about it.

I had come out here last year trying to find work and failed and came back.

I guess I am tired of being the one who has to do everything if it is going to get done and yes we are constantly together which does get on our nerves.

He doesn't drive so for the past year me hauling him around anywhere because we were kms from the nearest anything. Now he was walk to the shoppes but somehow i am still driving all the time.

It is just wearing me down.

He way of dealing with things is to stick his head in the sand and ignore them and hope someone else does it for him. He watches tv, plays video games surfs the net, and blames his lot in life on everything and everyone else. He complains he can't get a job but he barely tries at all.

There is always an excuse. I really truly believe he just doesn't want to work and thinks I should and he can sit home and have me pay his way in life.

I'm the opposite. I tackle problems and work on solving them. I have always been that way. It is draining when I am the only one doing anything.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 30/12/2013 23:58

What did you catch of him?

Original poster
tiredoldmum · 31/12/2013 00:06

a very bad uti and pelvic infection.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 00:15

So on top of that he gives you knob rot?

Fuck. That.

He is having a go because you are everything he isnt and he wants to bring you down to his non-achieving level.

Get rid. Now.

procrastinatingagain · 31/12/2013 00:16

Oh god, you caught it from his dirty cock? Shock. Does he wash properly now at least?
Wrt knocking someone else's confidence, I would say the purpose would be to keep you weak so you don't feel able to leave him. Also seems like he is re-writing history wrt you not finishing projects, to make you question yourself, again undermining your confidence. So it all sounds a bit shit to me.

procrastinatingagain · 31/12/2013 00:17

X post with bogey!

pricklyPea · 31/12/2013 00:17

Good god tired, sounds awful. How did he give you that? Do you think it was deliberate?

I think he sounds like a child not wanting you to be independent from him as you might see he's a twat.

How long have you been together?

RhondaJean · 31/12/2013 00:20

Can you even catch that from unwashed bits????!

Original poster
tiredoldmum · 31/12/2013 00:20

he washes properly now or I won't let him near me. It took the doctor telling him though.

About 5 years we have been together.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 00:22

Rhonda Yes you can. Infections are more easily passed to women from men than the other way around. You can give yourself a UTI if you are careless about hygiene down there :(

Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 00:23

Does this man have ANY redeeming features?

Selfish, nasty, abusive and dirty.

Not much of a catch so far.....

Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 00:23

Oh and lazy.

TheMaw · 31/12/2013 00:24

Oh no, no, listen to yourself! You were in hospital because of his poor hygiene! Get out now, that's appalling.

RhondaJean · 31/12/2013 00:25

Wow. I'll never again complain about DHs two showers a day habit. Regardless of the washing!

Purplepoodle · 31/12/2013 00:54

Sorry but why are you with him. Not working or not even putting effort into finding a job would be a no brainier for me. Does he at least do childcare?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 31/12/2013 01:01

Sorry but a dirty willy would be enough for me. LTB.

Original poster
tiredoldmum · 31/12/2013 01:03

We have no children. I'm too old for that and mine are grown

I'm planning to leave when I get a bit of money coming in. Things were okish until he lost his job and he just didn't seem to want to find another one.

I can't believe he has a go at me and my employment and projects when all he has done in the past 2 years is moan and complain. He did take a short course but complained about that the entire time and did nothing with it.

He is talking about going to university but that means he won't be working for another 3-4 years and I won't have any part of that.

I think it is just a ploy to keep on benefits and not have to work.
We have access to heaps of free courses and he looked at one for about an hour and complained it had Maths in it. So I figure if he was really interested in study, he would be doing it on his own.

OP posts:
GingerBlondecat · 31/12/2013 02:39

You're the fellow Aussie ? Right?

(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

LTB

Aussiemum78 · 31/12/2013 05:07

I'd be giving an ultimatum. Find a job, any job or leave. And stop ordering me around. As a minimum.

Don't wait for "more money", it won't happen with him there.

You know you can do better right?

Aussiemum78 · 31/12/2013 05:09

Oh and university can be fitted around at least part time work so that's not an excuse.