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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some family members have gone overboard?

29 replies

Gillpass78 · 30/12/2013 22:31

This year, my dm bought out toys r us, my sil bought anything that said 1st christmas on it and so left me without the chance to buy my brand new ds anything as a keepsake or whatever. I know they mean well and honestly it has saved us alot of money as we really havent had to buy ds anything but I would have liked to get something for him other than a£4 gigglestick from m&s (although he does love it, he's only 4 months old)

OP posts:
HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 30/12/2013 22:39

I spent a grand on my then 7 month old pfb first xmas. Like a twat.

He spent the day eating wrapping paper, trying to make me put him in boxes and screaming.

Take a picture of him covered in wrapping paper and be grateful you werent stupid enough to waste a shitload of money.

LightsPlease · 30/12/2013 22:41

Who cares. He doesn't remember. Put the money you would have spent into a savings account. Im sure whenhe is older he will aappreciate that more.

Gigglepiggle78 · 30/12/2013 22:42

So yep, being an idiot.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 30/12/2013 22:46

My family is the same. I can't moan about it without people telling me how lucky i am and how ungrateful i sound.

My mum and dad spend approximately £400 on dd for Christmas. Then another £400 for her bday 2 weeks later.

Each of my 5 siblings spend approximately £50 each on her every birthday and Christmas.

Each of my 5 close friends spend approximately £10 on her every birthday and Christmas.

I only live in a small 2 bed flat. My cupboards are bursting with things that dd doesn't even enjoy/play with.

Christmas days and birthdays are daunting because dd ends up spending three hours opening gifts, and obviously becomes bored, and i fret that she's coming across as being ungrateful and spoilt. When i ask my family for a break ("Maybe she can open the rest later") they look deeply offended and tell me not to be so ridiculous then thrust another gift into her arms.

I've spoken to them all again and again. And i get the above criticisms. They won't hear of putting the money into a savings account or putting it towards classes etc. So it all goes on toys and clothes. DD has so many clothes she's had to start using my wardrobe after filling her own (double) one and two clothes rails. None of these outfits have been bought by me.

It makes me feel like i can't buy my own daughter anything because it would be a waste.

Inkspellme · 30/12/2013 22:47

It can really be quite overwhelming can't it? I was the one in my family who did this on my sisters firstborn. He was the first grandchild and I loved spoiling him. I look back at it and cringe. Especially the year when she said we outdid santa. My intentions were good but misplaced. Is that similar to what is happening to you?

Buy something ( even now) as a memory of your childs first christmas or first new year.

In your position I would have bought one before now. Your sil will probably never know if you keep all thd others. You can gradually fade some of your sil's first christmas stuff out over the next few years to leave a couple of nice ones and the one you could get him now.

As regards all the other presents - maybe a quiet word before the next present event eg. before his birthday.

Honestly it is far worse to have family who don't give a toss but maybe a rant helps!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 30/12/2013 22:56

Ewe sell the stuff in eBay and pay for activities/ put money into saving account.
Seriously, what is wrong with some people. I would hate to inconvenience someone with my present Hmm

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 30/12/2013 23:12

I tried that, Drink, but they then ask dd about the gift(s) when they see her (and she doesn't know how to do white lies) or when they visit. And again became deeply offended and sometimes quite angry on the occasions i told them i had to sell/give some away because i was running out of space.

I know I'm very fortunate etc but i often feel like i don't have any control over my own house (which is basically dd's toy and clothes storage space these days) nor how many unnecessary items my dd receives each year. She doesn't even enjoy opening the gifts. She enters into a trance. And after each one does a robotic smile and a 'thank you'. My mum got her a necklace this year with a real diamond in it. Apparently it cost £100+ She is 6! And she hasn't worn it once because she only likes to wear her plastic necklace she got last year free in a magazine.

And i hear that for her birthday, the have bought her a flat screen TV for her room.

I don't want dd to have a tv in her room.
Nor do i have any space for it.

I told my parents these things. I was laughed at and told not be so silly. How else will she be able to play the Wii they've also bought her.

A Wii! DD has no interest in computers. She can't even work the Leappad they bought for her 2 years ago.

I told them to take it all back. They laughed again, told me not to be silly. And then put on a childish/jokey voice and said they'd just give it to dd when i wasn't there then.

OP, my advice is to nip it in the bud NOW. Don't let your child get to 6 before taking action. It just gets worse and the resentment will build.

Gigglepiggle78 · 01/01/2014 12:08

Hey Ewe, I've told my parents to chill. You sound like you're in a real bind. Hope they listen to you soon. I agree about the wii and tv for a six year old. You'd hope they would understand about your wants for your own child...

Good luck.

FryOneFatManic · 01/01/2014 12:12

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin Start selling the excess stuff and put that money into an account for your DD. If she can't use it all, then don't, get rid.

edamsavestheday · 01/01/2014 12:13

Blimey, that's ridiculous. You shouldn't feel guilty for putting your foot down.

FryOneFatManic · 01/01/2014 12:13

And start putting your foot down, you are the parent and have the final say. And once a gift has been given, you can do with it what you want.

YawnCricketAgain · 01/01/2014 12:27

'once a gift has been given, you can do with it what you want'

I agree.

After struggling for a few years with excessive giving and the resulting guilt and stress, I took on this philosophy, joined one of the minimalism threads on here, chucked a whole lot out and felt much better.

marmaladeandguitars · 01/01/2014 12:28

Ewe I wouldn't usually say this, but in your case I think you are entirely justified in selling off a lot of the stuff and using the money for savings/classes which will actually benefit your DD. Reading your posts make me feel anxious for you- I would hate to have such little control over my home environment. The TV/Wii thing is really out of order too.

You've asked them not to go overboard, they haven't listened, you now feel uncomfortable in your home and feel you can't get things for your own child. Flog it. Seriously.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 12:31

Forget "Baby First Christmas" Tat, and get a nice refillable advent calendar/ Christmas stocking and I'm sure you took lots of photo's I did with my first DC as well and make a scrapbook. My DS1's favourite book was the one I made of hid life out of coloured paper and photographs. Simple sentences under the pictures, such as "DS likes chocolate ice-cream" (under a picture of DS covered in the stuff) He still has the book - and he is 20

Asheth · 01/01/2014 12:37

Agree with all the above. Also if you want to have your own keepsake of your DSs first Christmas then have a photo of him and the Christmas tree put on a mug or a teddy bear - much more personal than any of the 1st Christmas things that can be bought in the shops.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/01/2014 12:37

I hate this as well. No need for it and I think it sends children quite an unpleasant message

Getting shit loads of stuff just for the sake of lots of things when one or two well thought out things would have had a much better result shows a distinct lack of imagination and emotional immaturity.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/01/2014 12:39

ewe next time they tell you not to be so silly just remind them that silliness is buying something expensive you know a child is not allowed to have and expecting it to be kept.

ReluctantBeing · 01/01/2014 12:40

I have a 'first Christmas' bear on my tree that I bought in the sales the January after my son's first Christmas. Get something like that now, in the sales, that is different from what your sil has bought.

Bodypopper · 01/01/2014 12:46

[ewe] they are bullying you and controlling you and dd.

Absolutist put your foot down now. Warn them that you absolutely will not accept a tele or a wii off them as you don't think it's right for dd. you are her parent and it's down to you.

They are acting disgracefully.

lilsupersparks · 01/01/2014 12:51

I have a hand print bauble for each if my boys from their first Christmases (actually Archie's was done in January!) and they are lovely. Do something special and save the other stuff to sell online next December :-). I would definitely be taking stuff back or selling it. And there is no way my little boy would be allowed a tv. Madness.

SuckItAndSee · 01/01/2014 13:01

mil is a bit like this
she was much worse, but DH had a row word with her about the armfuls of clothes that appeared every time we saw her.

i know it sounds like a nice problem to have, but it was really wasteful. she'd buy everything on the sale rail from Sainsburys, take the tags off, and present them to us. Usually four fifths of what she bought was the wrong size, wrong season, or a poor fit. She's bang on about what a bargain everything was at £2-4 pounds per item, until DH pointed out that the average bagful she gave added up to £40.

Most of the stuff went to the charity shop unworn, when what dd1 really need was two new t-shirts which I'd pick up for a tenner in total. In essence, she was shopping to fulfil a need of her own, rather than thinking about what dd really needed or wanted. And I agree that it's awful feeling that you can't spend a tenner on a pretty cotton dress from ADSA that would really suit your daughter, because she already has 10 poorly fitting, garish acrylic ones from MIL in the wardrobe already, making it feel wasteful

Ghanagirl · 01/01/2014 13:59

My twins get precisely nil from in laws you guys are lucky.
I would say sell stuff on eBay or local Facebook page aimed at mums, then save the money or buy something nice for DC or even yourselfSmile

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/01/2014 14:02

My twins get precisely nil from in laws you guys are lucky

Getting to deal with stuff you don't want and can't fit in your house is not lucky

thegreylady · 01/01/2014 14:05

Foe around £20-£30 you can 'name a star' after him.You get a certificate and a map showing 'his' star's location in the galaxy.It is a bit silly really but my grandsons love knowing that a star has their name. Even if it is a bit of a con you can recognise that and enjoy the 'proof'.It may start a lifelong interest in Astronomy too.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/01/2014 14:07

Thegrey

I got one of those for gp's (its what they asked for) then amazon had them half price about an hour after I checked out Grin Sod's law.