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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends invited their own friends to our house without checking first.....

52 replies

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:18

Will try to keep this concise! Neighbours (and friends) are a family of 5 coming to our house tomorrow for NYE, it has been arranged for a couple of months informally but we confirmed plans before Xmas.

We have similar aged children and hoped for a nice relaxed evening - few drinks, nibbles etc. whilst kids watch a film/telly and play with Xmas toys.

My DH is fairly shy antisocial but is happy to host and over the years we have got to know this family. It's taken a good couple of years to build up to this. I received a text a few hours ago asking if we could also entertain their friends who have decided to visit them tomorrow evening. They are a couple with no kids (not really relevant, just emphasising it's not a family of 6!) and we have never met them before. The wording of the text made it clear that their friends knew they would be asking us.

AIBU to not want to change the plans we already have? I sent a text back saying they are welcome to come round for a drink, but I'm really not that happy..... Am I a horrible old cow for being annoyed?

OP posts:

CrockedPot · 30/12/2013 21:21

Yanbu, how rude! I'm afraid there's not much you can do now though, so just try and enjoy it...you might make some new friends! (Hopeful)!

Earlspearl · 30/12/2013 21:22

Because you've said it's ok in your text, you will just have to roll with it and enjoy. Too late now to be all mardy.

Mellowandfruitful · 30/12/2013 21:23

That is cheeky of them IMO. They already had plans with you so should have told their friends they were unfortunately not free. Plus, who suddenly 'decides' to visit friends on New Year's Eve at short notice? It's quite presumptuous on the couple's part to do that. If I'd done this and the people said 'we're going to our neighbours but I'm sure they won't mind if you come too', I'd have immediately said 'oh no, don't worry we'll do it another time'. So it's a YANBU from me.

Laquitar · 30/12/2013 21:24

They haven't invited them without checking though. They are checking with you.
But if your dh is shy then i can see the issue.
For me the issue would be the cost so i would make sure that they bring drinks.

What did they reply?

noddyholder · 30/12/2013 21:25

It might be fun. The more the merrier life too short :)

drumstix · 30/12/2013 21:26

Chillax! They might be really good company.

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:31

They haven't replied yet so I'm not quite sure what is happening exactly. Friends are coming to their house and going to stay overnight (that was stated) so I feel very put on the spot as regards saying no.

I don't feel I have any option but to be gracious and say they can come to ours. You're right, I just have to grin and bear it! Not worried about the cost, not an issue as we have plenty in anyway. It's just the dynamics have changed and I'm not quite looking as forward to it as I was.

OP posts:

whois · 30/12/2013 21:38

Argh one of my friends did exactly the same thing! Except she actually asked me if it was ok for another couple to come to my dinner party in front of them. So I had to say Ok! We have 6 chairs, I invited 2 couples for NY dinner who accepted. Then this other couple who I don't even know have landed themselves in our friends and are now coming to my house and my dinner party. Great. And I'm going to have to sit on a sodding camping chair and the dining room looks shit with camping chairs in it.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 30/12/2013 21:44

Did you text that they can come but you arent happy about it, or just that they can come and youre telling us you arent happy about it?

I think that if you have said yes, then you have to have no resentment, otherwise it will show. And you did have the choice to say no, sorry, im not comfortable with that. It may have meant they cancelled on you in favour of these others who 'just decided' to drop in on them, but its still a choice.

perhaps theyre in that awkward place too. Too polite to say no .

Peekingduck · 30/12/2013 21:45

Well people, you can say something like "No thanks, I don't really want to increase numbers. We just fancied a quiet evening with a few friends."

whois · 30/12/2013 21:47

Well people, you can say something like "No thanks, I don't really want to increase numbers. We just fancied a quiet evening with a few friends

Well yes, but put on the spot like that I didn't have a chance to think things through. Anyway, I'm focusing on the fact that it will be fun to have a full house rather than the messes dining room camping chair thing ;-)

Tinkertaylor1 · 30/12/2013 21:47

Pah what will happen is you and dh will feel left out and end up looking after kids while neighbours and friends get pissed and eat all your food!

Too late now though!

Bluerobinonmychristmastree · 30/12/2013 21:51

I would look at this situation in the best possible light!

Childfree couple clearly have nothing to do and invited themselves round to neighbours. They are clearly the second choice in you neighbour's eyes or they would have arranged something with them originally. I.e. The neighbours like you more than childfree couple.

However neighbours are obviously nice people and felt a bit sorry for them and said yes, of course. Now this means that neighbours clearly think the world of you as not only are you their No 1 NYE choice but they think you're so fab that they think a) you are lovely sociable people and won't mind them bringing childfree friends round and b) they positively want to show you off to childfree friends.

So not really being rude, just the sort of very slight cheekiness that close friends feel they can get away with with each other.

Obviously your house and your choice but I would embrace the opportunity to show what lovely people you are.

Send a text back saying you've just re-read the text and realise they're staying overnight so of course they're welcome all evening but please could they bring some extra nibbles. Cue very grateful neighbour-friends, possible new childfree friends and you can bask in the glow of being so well thought of!

Happy New Year!

Tinkertaylor1 · 30/12/2013 21:52

whols don't give up your nice chair !!!!!!

I've given up everything this Christmas - seriously dh family just rock up at meal times knowing they will get a plate and its always fucking mine!

Never again ! clearly still bitter about waiting on hand and foot for a bunch of twats

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 30/12/2013 21:52

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this sort of thing tbh. You didn't actually text your friend that you're "not happy" did you?

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:52

I text them to say that their friends were welcome to have a drink with us when they arrive (I think they will appear a couple of hours after neighbours. This couple are visiting them which appears to be non-negotiable and I'm not going to cut my nose off to spite my face by making them feel they need to cancel on us.

I also have a ton of tapas and prosecco which I've already bought in

Just having a bit of a whinge and to vent. I'm not a rude person and anyone coming into our house will be made to feel welcome. I just know I wouldn't have done the same. If I have plans then I would not double book myself and I would arrange to meet another time.

OP posts:

musicboxwoundbyakey · 30/12/2013 21:52

Friends invited their own friends to our house without checking first.....

I'm confused. Because they did check?

Slightly rude because it puts you in an awkward position but you are allowed to say no - don't have enough food and drink in for everyone etc.

I don't think your DH being shy is an excuse. I use to be terribly shy and a very quiet person so I do understand but I typically put myself in situations where I will push myself.

But being in your own home where you know the majority of people of coming over I can't see a problem.

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:54

sabrina TBH, I'm a "more the merrier" type myself, I'm just thinking of DH who isn't quite as sociable as me and takes a bit of time to get to know people.

OP posts:

Annonynon · 30/12/2013 21:57

They are really rude

But they did ask so if you do say yes you should do it with good grace

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:57

music yes, they did check but in a way that was very difficult to say no without causing ill feeling or with me/us appearing rude.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 22:00

bluerobin I like your thinking

OP posts:

iggymama · 30/12/2013 22:00

Don't sit on camping chairs, ask your neighbors to bring a couple of chairs from their house.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 30/12/2013 22:01

Tbh OP, my dh would probably be the same. but I just tell him to stop being a miserable sod

I'm the more the merrier type myself and v relaxed about this sort of thing.

scarlettsmummy2 · 30/12/2013 22:01

It is NYE, just go with the flow, drink and be merry. Presumably your neighbours think you will all get on.

Original poster

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 22:05

whois I have lots of chairs. You can have some of mine sod the numbers lets just have lots of lovely

Do you have any extra champagne flutes in return for chairs? I only have 4!

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