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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends invited their own friends to our house without checking first.....

52 replies

Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 21:18

Will try to keep this concise! Neighbours (and friends) are a family of 5 coming to our house tomorrow for NYE, it has been arranged for a couple of months informally but we confirmed plans before Xmas.

We have similar aged children and hoped for a nice relaxed evening - few drinks, nibbles etc. whilst kids watch a film/telly and play with Xmas toys.

My DH is fairly shy antisocial but is happy to host and over the years we have got to know this family. It's taken a good couple of years to build up to this. I received a text a few hours ago asking if we could also entertain their friends who have decided to visit them tomorrow evening. They are a couple with no kids (not really relevant, just emphasising it's not a family of 6!) and we have never met them before. The wording of the text made it clear that their friends knew they would be asking us.

AIBU to not want to change the plans we already have? I sent a text back saying they are welcome to come round for a drink, but I'm really not that happy..... Am I a horrible old cow for being annoyed?

OP posts:
VoyageDeVerity · 30/12/2013 22:05

That is fucking rude.

DENMAN03 · 30/12/2013 22:10

I don't think they were rude. They did ask first and you could have said no. Neighbours were probably put in a difficult position with late notice friends and didn't want to let anyone down. I'm sure you will have a lovely evening.

Bluerobinonmychristmastree · 30/12/2013 22:11

In fact Whitewine you're clearly so much fun that I might come and join you myself! Wink

I will bring nibbles and bubbly!

Original poster
Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 22:12

I think I'm getting over myself my annoyance. Feeling lots more chilled since the vipers have spoken. Happy New Year to you all when it arrives!

OP posts:
Mintyy · 30/12/2013 22:13

Really supremely strange behaviour by your neighbours. Honestly, how dare they put you on the spot like that?!

OddFodd · 30/12/2013 22:19

Of course it's rude to ask if you can bring friends to someone else's house! It's not a house party; it's a gathering of two families that know one another.

I think bluerobin has the right idea though - you might actually have a lovely time :)

BlingBang · 30/12/2013 22:20

Don't think it's necessarily that rude this time of year. These things happen. Can understand that you'd prefer the original plan to stand though.

Bluerobinonmychristmastree · 30/12/2013 22:23

If you start the evening off with the mindset that the whole situation is a mildly inconvenient massive compliment then you'll have a great time!

Make sure you come back and update us!

NewJerseyHousewife · 30/12/2013 22:27

Make the people who brought the freinds along sit in the shit chairs.

I don't think the fault lies with the friends who are coming to visit for New Year, the fault and rudeness is with YOUR so called friends. I guess they knew for a long time they were having visitors and they wanted their cake and eat it, their visitors probably had no clue they had double booked.

bigbrick · 30/12/2013 22:28

Sounds like your neighbours should have said to friends that they had other arrangements. It could be they are being imposed upon and didn't want to cancel with you. They'll probably be very grateful and you'll all have a nice evening

Original poster
Whitewhine · 30/12/2013 22:31

Thankfully its a couple rather than a family - the thought of even more DC running riot fuelled on Xmas excess, new toys & adrenalin makes me shudder.

Maybe this couple will run for the hills when they realise how noisy 6 children ranging in age from 3-7 are. Evil cackle

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 30/12/2013 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 30/12/2013 22:33

Do you have any extra champagne flutes in return for chairs? I only have 4!

No, I only have six of everything! Six chairs, six plates, six wine glasses, six champagne flutes, six knives... You get the picture. I ordered some tesco glasses and plates and stuff in the food shop though so no eating off my plastic camping plates required. I have a lot of camping stuff. Why do I have so much camping stuff and yet only six wine glasses? Clearly something has gone wrong somewhere!

Wine tastes just as good out of small water type glasses tho, especially red wine and you can kid yourself you're being very French.

If you start the evening off with the mindset that the whole situation is a mildly inconvenient massive compliment then you'll have a great time!

I like the way you think. Adopting a 'more the merrier' attitude will make the evening super fun.

whois · 30/12/2013 22:34

Make the people who brought the freinds along sit in the shit chairs

I also like the way you think :-)

RestingActress · 30/12/2013 22:53

Being put on the spot so you can only say yes would annoy me too OP.

Make the best of it, hope you have a brill night

NuggetofPurestGreen · 30/12/2013 23:15

Not everyone thinks 'the more the merrier' though! Like OPs DH and me I think they should have said no to the friends dropping by. Too late now though!

lessonsintightropes · 30/12/2013 23:24

Totally YANBU. We'd made arrangements to go to a houseparty and yesterday DH got a text from a good friend asking what we were doing and whether it would be ok to invite them to the houseparty. I was quite surprised to put it mildly and said as the host had only met the other couple once (at our wedding) I thought it was really rude and that I wouldn't ask the host if we could bring (in her eyes) a couple of randoms, even if they are close friends of ours. Well out of order! The reason we're going to a party this year is because we've hosted NYE at ours for the last two years: the first one, DH's friends decamped to our tiny garden to smoke dope (obvs not invited back) and second year was expensive and tiring, and felt like we deserved a break.

BlingBang · 30/12/2013 23:53

Well we invited a friend to our friends NYE get together and they've never met him. Doubt he'll come but difficult to be having dinner with a friend you know is far from home, get's down and then you find out he's on his own on NYE away from his family. Understand it's not always ideal but isn't that what this time of year can be for - making sure folk aren't going to be left on their own.

Zucker · 31/12/2013 00:47

Are the neighbours fully aware that there are no other people invited? Maybe they think there's a crowd and adding 2 more won't make much difference.

BlingBang · 31/12/2013 00:51

When I was growing up NYE was generally open house for many people. Anyone could drop in - neighbours, friends etc. Was almost expected really.

SpottyDragonfly · 31/12/2013 10:35

I'd be annoyed as it changes the status quo so to speak. If you know people really well then you can talk about things you have done before etc but if you don't know people then there is a lot of the boring "getting to know you" stuff e.g. What do you do? It can get a bit tiresome when you were expecting an evening in with friends you are comfortable with. YANBU but unfortunately you are going to have to go with it.

LaGuardia · 31/12/2013 11:38

This is exactly why we never entertain.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 31/12/2013 12:16

I really think you should let them come, people do spring on other people and then its awkward ie for your original invites...if you let them all come you may have an even more fun evening...

i have a large family and its so interesting to see the ones who are very closed, very ordered and quite strict and then...the ones who travel are used to people pitching up at a moments notice and so on...

i also think stepping outside ones comfort zone isnt a bad thing now and then. you may even have an awful night but hopefully will give you somehting to laugh about after...

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 31/12/2013 12:17

SpottyDragonfly

I know what you mean spotty but at the same time many people are very social and sort of small talk, quick wit and light and interesting social conversation.

matildamatilda · 31/12/2013 12:46

This always happens when I have parties! The last time I had a get-together, just before Christmas, one invited friend emailed our whole crowd and said, "You don't mind if I invite [four random neighbours I'd never met]."

Yeah, technically I could have responded to everyone, "No, I don't know them and I'm already worried the house will be crowded." But let's be honest, that would make me look like a jerk.

My husband I and just rolled our eyes and said yes, and decided that if we had a slightly-too-crowded Christmas party in our house--that's actually a nice thing. I always make way too much food anyway, it's an American thing.

I admit I don't understand the mindset of the couple though. I would absolutely hate the feeling that I was descending upon strangers on a holiday. That's kind of my worst nightmare.