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Original poster

to be offended about this bridesmaid secrecy?

26 replies

musicboxwoundbyakey · 30/12/2013 14:31

So my friend is getting married in 2015 out of a close group of 5 friends she asked one of us to be a bridesmaid (and she asked a family member on the grooms side)

Fair enough, I was a little disappointed not to be asked but I completely understand how these things can get out of hand and you could end up having a ridiculous amount of people just so you don't offend anyone.

The friend who was asked to be bridesmaid told me that she now had her dress. When I saw the bride I asked her about the dresses - what colour style she had gone for and she showed me a photo and explained she'd asked another friend of hers to be a bridesmaid as this friend has recently gone through a divorce and because of all the stress she'd been under thats why she was asked at a later date.

I mentioned this to a mutual friend, who then told me that actually there was a 4th bridesmaid who is out of our close group of friends... but she wasn't suppose to know this either.

I just don't understand the secrecy of it all. As surely it would be noticeable on the day and it sort of seems to be creating a drama out of nothing especially when I asked her about the dresses as it would have been the perfect opportunity to say then.

Sorry I know this is a first world war problem and I will be handed many grips. I'm just offended by the secrecy, not upset or offended about not being a bridesmaid.

OP posts:
NinjaBunny · 30/12/2013 14:38

Weddings make people go weird.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet.

RandyRudolf · 30/12/2013 14:39

I think aliens take over some bride's brains. They are normal people until they start planning weddings and then it all goes very weird indeed. I don't understand it myself.

Roshbegosh · 30/12/2013 14:39

First World War?
It is a pity when silliness like this spoils friendships. I agree she is creating a drama out of nothing but you can just enjoy the day as a guest and not be drawn into other dramas during the preparation.

raffle · 30/12/2013 14:40

First World War Grin

Original poster
musicboxwoundbyakey · 30/12/2013 14:41

First World War?

Oops Blush

haha Grin you get what I mean.

OP posts:
wherearemysocka · 30/12/2013 14:43

I think you're better off out as well. Doubt this will be the last of the drama!

HappTeeNewYear · 30/12/2013 14:45

I would be thanking the heavens above that I dodged this bride.

dontcallmemam · 30/12/2013 14:49

You're bound to be a bit sad if you'd like to have been chosen.
Sounds like there were 6 possibilities and she had to make a hard choice.
I'd suggest you don't let it worry you. Chose a fab dress & plan a lovely day without all the fuss. She's still your friend.

Original poster
musicboxwoundbyakey · 30/12/2013 14:54

It's not that dont as I completely understand it's a difficult situation I'm just upset that she hasn't felt the need to tell me that really she has asked another of our close friends to be one.

If she'd told me then I would have been completely fine with it (as would the rest of the group) it's more the secrecy and unnecessary drama that has annoyed me.

But I won't fall out with her about it as life is too short - just needed to rant Smile

OP posts:
DuchessFanny · 30/12/2013 15:03

By the way she's adding on more friends you may very well be next to get asked Grin
In all seriousness, I'd be very pleased to be out of the secrecy and drama, you get to turn up on the day and have fun !

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2013 15:11

"Don't tell anyone but your my bestest fwriend."

Sounds like she's yet to leave school. Don't be offended by someone who is too immature and gutless to just be upfront about it.

Original poster
musicboxwoundbyakey · 30/12/2013 15:15

Don't be offended by someone who is too immature and gutless to just be upfront about it.

Thanks Red I needed that.

To hell with it, if she's trying to create drama out of this then that is rather sad and I'm 100% better off out of it. And there's still another 18 months of it to go.

Thanks ladies for all giving me some excellent perspective on this.

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 30/12/2013 15:54

18 months!!!!!

Bullet well and truly dodged.

mrsjay · 30/12/2013 16:09

it all sounds very dramatic does your friend like a bit of drama you are best out of it she will only get worse

paxtecum · 30/12/2013 16:18

Music: You are far better out of it.
She sounds a bit nutty.
You'll have a far better day as a guest, without all her stress.

Trills · 30/12/2013 16:30

Some people like to keep wedding stuff a secret.

It's almost quite sweet that they think we care enough about the bridesmaids' dresses for it to be worth it being " a surprise".

Holdthepage · 30/12/2013 16:36

When my B(he doesn't deserve the D!) & SIL got married some years ago she had 2 bridesmaids & 3 pretend bridesmaids. FFS who has pretend bridesmaids? The term bridezilla hadn't been invented then but it described her perfectly.

MaryzBoychildCheeszuzCrizpz · 30/12/2013 16:42

It's not until 2015, and they already have dresses?

Wow, this will be a humdinger of a wedding. Be thankful you can stand on the sidelines looking on in horror

mrsjay · 30/12/2013 16:48

tell me more about pretend bridesmaids

raisah · 30/12/2013 16:52

You are so lucky....this won't be the end of it and there is another 18 months before the wedding. Why the need to get the dresses so early? Lots of things can happen in between now and the wedding in 2015 such as body shapes, friendship & relationship breakdowns.

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2013 16:55

Trills Mon 30-Dec-13 16:30:01
Some people like to keep wedding stuff a secret.

Yeah. They are the ones who loose any perception of reality and are the most nuts.

Not to mention its one thing to keep the details secret. Its another to hide some of the key parts of the day...

shoom · 30/12/2013 17:07

I went to a wedding with pretend bridesmaids. The bride's in-laws wanted young children to be bridesmaids, bride said no and told all her friends. Bride then changed her mind, but didn't want to backtrack to her friends after moaning about her in-laws being cheeky etc etc. She had 7 bridesmaids on the day in similar looking dresses (pre-school to 30 year olds). Each side of the family had a different idea about how many real bridesmaids there were and how many cheekily stood at the front pretending.

carabos · 30/12/2013 17:42

shoom that's hilarious.

mrsjay · 30/12/2013 21:22

oh dearie me pretend bridesmaid Grin

I was at a wedding where a sister inlaw was in the same colour as the adult bridesmaids but her children were in the wedding party I wonder if she was a pretend bridesmaid

scaevola · 30/12/2013 21:31

Is it secrecy, or just not shouting it from the rooftops?

It's probably at least 18months to the wedding, and perhaps the bride has just decided she doesn't want to be a boring monomaniac, and doesn't think the minutiae of her arrangements are a gripping subject to anyone else.