Probably a silly idea, but I've been thinking about this for a while.
When/If i ever find myself in another relationship, i would want to draw up some sort of 'contract' (can't think of a better word) before moving in together which discusses lots of issues I often see on here that causes problems.
E.g - How chores will be allocated. How the finances will work. What will happen at Christmas (stay at home or visiting)? How will this change when/if we have children together? How will childcare be allocated? How will our working life change? How will the housework roles change? How over-bearing or disinterested do we expect our respective ILs to be? (Huge issue for me as me ex-MIL was extremely overbearing and caused me to have PND). How do we plan to school our children? How do we ensure we have equal time for ourselves/our hobbies (i see frequently on here mums being left home alone with the baby while the dad swans off to the pub/football etc - again this has happened to me in the past). Where will we live? What would we do if our parents became ill? Are we happy to have them live with us?
There are tons of other things i would want to cover as well. But i would want it drawn up like some sort of pre-nup. I know that it would be easy to change your mind/attitude about any of these issues when they do eventually arise, and that a bit of paper isn’t enforceable, but at least everything was discussed beforehand and could be reflected upon. Or it would show straight away a huge difference of opinion on something that could effectively mean the end of a relationship 5 years down the line (e.g. the desire to have another child when it turns out the other partner only ever wanted one).
No doubt, i'll be single forever if a man asks for us to move in together and i present him with my 'discussions booklet/contract'.
But i just see so many things on here and in RL that i believe could have been sorted out/discussed right from the start.
AIBU to think this is a sensible idea? Or has my awful past experience of a relationship with dd's dad (6 years ago) messed me up a bit? (He's chosen to never have contact with her since 3 months old).
Been single ever since. And quite happily, too. I love my independence. I love being able to make day-to-day decisions without negotiating. I like being selfish and doing whatever i want.
But it is very lonely. And i feel as though i might be open to dating these days if i ever meet someone i like. But i just want to ensure i avoid or try my damnest to prevent all the issues reoccurring that destroyed my previous relationship.
I wish that we had tried from the start:
Talking about how MIL's obsessive attitude couldn't continue when our dd was born.
Talking about how scared ex was of his own mother and how he chose to please her over me.
Talking about finances from the start. I ended up having to buy all the baby things myself because he didn't agree half the stuff was necessary (Moses basket, steriliser etc)
Talking about housework from the start (i ended up doing everything).
Talking about how our social lives/hobbies would remain fair. He got to go out every night while i had to stay home.
So basically i would want to discuss all issues - big (marriage/kids/finances), small (housework/social lives/Christmas arrangements) to minuscule (time spent on work at home/time spent connected to a computer/baby names including surname - another thing that often cause issues) that frequently cause confrontation and resentment in relationships to be discussed way before even moving in together.
AIBU? Will i be single forever if i try to implement this? TBH i don't really think I'd mind forever singledom too much.
Thanks for listening to my ramble. 