and a complete witch to DH?

[Nowutterlyconfused]

I'm so tired that I genuinely can't tell so would appreciate the wake up call if I am. Really sorry that this is so long.

DD is 11 weeks old. Wonderful though she is, she's not a great sleeper and I'm now
definitely feeling the cumulative effects. DH, who I love to bits and who is generally a great dad, has a reasonably dangerous hobby. He used to do this a lot in his twenties, before we met, but in recent years it's been more like three or four weekends each year. A few weeks ago he broke his arm doing this hobby such that he can't lift DD and therefore can't feed/change/settle her etc. Although he is doing as much as he can and still tries to spend as much time as possible with her, the physical aspects of looking after DD have now fallen to me and will do for another few weeks. I fully appreciate that some people do this as single parents and God, I have the greatest admiration for them, so I am genuinely sorry if this sounds like I'm being a wuss, but I am just very tired from doing all the night sessions (as DH can't lift DD out of the cot) and can't go anywhere (such as the osteopath to sort out my bad back) without her because he can't pick her up if she cries so am now sore as well as grumpy.

I have asked DH to stop doing this hobby. I don't feel that it's fair that it should be considered more important than him carrying out his share of the parental responsibility and I am not keen for this to happen again. He is reluctant and is saying he really enjoys it. I can't help thinking that there are things that I enjoy too but have put aside to look after DD and I am also scared that next time he might do himself some permanent and serious damage which could limit his ability to play or spend time with DD. I feel that things are just different now she has arrived and that he could spend more time on his other, less risky, hobbies. I am starting to feel that I am nagging and snapping at him and hate it. Am I being a cow?

I assume that you have chosen to let your hobbies go whilst dd is small?

I think that yabvu tbh, providing this hobby isn't taking up all of his spare time.

I agree, I can't see why you couldn't make it to singing practice if you really wanted to go.

As to your question about what other mums do - when both my girls were 11 weeks I was managing to find some sort of regular me-time; in my case this was to exercise, as that was my first non-baby priority. Early morning runs/other stuff every other day, and one evening a week at the climbing wall. I'm not holding myself up as some sort of example - just that this was important to me so I (selfishly, you could argue!) made time for it. Obviously it wouldn't have been possible if my husband hadn't been supportive.

And I'm really sorry to go on about it, but just to check - when you went out to these evening activities, your DCs stayed with babysitters each week rather than your partners? As I say, that isn't mean to be aggressive - I really want to know. DD has just started the evening's howling. Leaving her with her parent would be one thing but I suspect any babysitter would need nerves of steel to take this on on a weekly basis. Mine feel like they're in shreds. Very sorry to whinge .

The dds stayed with dp if I went out. V v occasionally we'd manage to get a babysitter, but probably only once every couple of months.

Oh and I was back at work full time when dd1 was 12 weeks and when dd2 was ten weeks - so they had to get by without me! :)

Nowutterly no, DS was with either DH or my mum - we didn't have an 'external' babysitter until he was 7mo. Not saying that is 'the right way' at all - we didn't know any babysitters as we'd recently moved and didn't really need one earlier. But if you were nearby and went out during a sleep time, DH could phone you if he wasn't coping?

I guess one point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't assume certain things you want to do are automatically impossible - with a bit of planning, thinking around it, you can still do stuff you want to. Hopefully your DH will have his arm back in a few weeks?

Oh and for the evening screamathons. I remember those well. We had 6pm-9pm every night until DS was about 10wo. It will end at some point, I promise.

The boys stayed at home with my husband/their father. When he went out, I stayed at home with them.

Singing rehearsals would at most be 3h? If your DH can MTB with arm in cast he can look after a baby. Failing that he'll be in a cast for 6-8 weeks, after which he is more than capable of looking after a baby while you go out singing.

Oh and I have seen a man with his dominant arm in a cast looking after his newborn very competently so suspect your DH could actually do the same.

The girls have had a babysitter about a handful of times their whole lives; I left them with my husband. Surely even with one arm in a cast your husband can look after your daughter for a couple of hours? I can pick up my three year old in one arm and I'm no Incredible Hulk.

ps I remember those endless evenings too. Sympathies.

Perhaps if I am being brutally honest, that's part of it - I can't help being a bit annoyed by the abdication of parental responsibility because he assumes that it's fine for me to put my life on hold for longer.

Ah yes. This seems to be the main problem I think. You're upset that he's still doing his hobbies and you feel you're unable to do anything... Yes of course the broken arm is an issue, but it's a constant reminder that he gets to muck around and you're left holding the bag - so you feel.

So no. I don't think that asking him to stop FOR NOW is unreasonable. Until the baby is a bit older and a little easier (and you're less tired).

As others said, you can be injured doing the most innocuous things (I cut myself on the w/end whilst cutting an apple because we had new knives and they were sharper than I was used to).

Thanks everyone. DH still says that he can't look after her on his own but I've booked a babysitter and I am off out for the evening next week. Thanks, ladies, for a little perspective - it's much appreciated!

For someone who does a dangerous sport he seems a bit of a wuss.

Try to pass her to him a few times will you?
And insist on him picking her up. He'll find a way if he tries.

OP - I'm pleased to read your last post. But don't feel a wuss - there is no way I would have left ds1 at 11wks. He had evening screamathons too - and was almost constantly on the breast in the evening. I was sore and exhausted - and the last thing I felt like was going out. Kudos to those here that managed it though!

This time does pass though - it gets easier. I left dh overnight with ds1 at 5mths with expressed and a list of instructions and went on a hen night. It gets easier

Good on you OP. I hope it goes well.

I didn't leave DD1 for the evening until she was 9 months... horses for courses. And even then, she timed it very well to be under the weather that evening so I went out for two hours then came straight home! EBF baby, cried a lot in the evenings and cluster fed, wouldn't settle for DH or take a bottle. I did leave her a little bit in the daytime now and again, probably for max 2-3 hours until she was less reliant on breastfeeding. There's nothing wrong with going out earlier of course, but equally nothing wrong with not!

Downnhilling is pretty risky compared to cross country mountain biking.

I did all sorts of dangerous stuff before dc, mountain biking ( downhill and XC) motor biking, horse riding. I now just do a bit of road cycling.

Your dh is being a bit of a wuss. I had a mate who had no arms, and she managed with a baby. I've broken my arms 3 times, and you find you can manage quite a lot one handed, depending on the position of the break.