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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed at Dh's constant "Management" of me?

66 replies

AwfulMaureen · 29/12/2013 22:22

He's always got some gripe...."Can you please remember to turn off your laptop when you go to bed Awful? It's on ALL night all the time playing videos and chewing up electricity."

And "Please shut the bedroom window before you leave the bedroom in the morning....the blast of icy air is freezing the house out."

He leaves early and so I'm the last one out of the room....at night we sleep with the window open.

Anyway...he goes on and on about "Turn off the lights...turn off the laptop...." and it annoys me!

He walks around the house in his outdoor shoes and won't get to grips with taking them off but I'm supposed to take his "advice".

OP posts:

Orangeanddemons · 30/12/2013 10:16

Oh I'm married to one of these. Drives me mad.

Ignoring or telling him off works the best. If he gets really bad, I deliberately do things that he has a go at me about.

I just don't get it, I don't need any managing I am an adult. His best is moaning when 2 bottles of milk have been opened instead of the first one being used up.

I find telling him that this is not important in the grand scheme of things helps!

stephenisjustcoming · 30/12/2013 10:20

Save your work every night, FGS! If there's a power cut, you could end up losing it anyway. bitter experience

Joysmum · 30/12/2013 11:15

Sounds like me and my hubby, only the other way around. It also sounds like my hubby and my dd but was so unfair because she's way better than he is.

We are trying to be more relaxed about things but if he finds things to have a go at my daughter about I make sure I tell him (not in her earshot) about all the things he's neglected to do and ask him judge her be his own standards he keeps.

Fairenuff · 30/12/2013 11:25

We have screaming rows about it as I feel criticised constantly. Before he comes home from work, I do a quick look round the house to see what minor error I have made. For example, I am home all day with two kids, he comes home to a spotless house, dinner done, clothes washed, kids bathed and ready for bed, and god forbid, I didn't tie the bag with the bread in it up, so I get half an hour of him moaning at me cos the bread will go off quicker!

formerbabe are you ok?

You do realise that this is not normal don't you? You do not have to live like this.

formerbabe · 30/12/2013 13:16

I think reading that back it sounded much worse than it is and like it is ea...I can assure you its not..I do see on reading that, that it would be a fair assumption!

FraidyCat · 30/12/2013 13:37

I just don't get it, I don't need any managing I am an adult. His best is moaning when 2 bottles of milk have been opened instead of the first one being used up.

He thinks an adult with a working brain wouldn't do the the things you do, so you aren't, really.

I have a DW who I've seen put a cordless phone down next to the charger, and walk away. (At 4am, when the battery runs down, it will start beeping.) Recently, on the way out from living room to garden via sliding door, and hour later on the the way back in, she didn't close the door properly behind her. Only realised after half-an-hour when wondered why freezing to death. Just two of a million examples. It wears you down, living with someone who daily, for no good reason, makes life just a little bit shitter than it needs to be.

FraidyCat · 30/12/2013 13:38

I would moan about the milk to. DW does stuff like this all the time.

FraidyCat · 30/12/2013 14:08

There's a scene in "The Last Samurai" where Tom Cruise wonders about the Samurai village, look at men, women and children practising all sorts of skills, from serving tea to martial arts, and says something like: "These people are extraodinary. They spend every available minute perfecting everything they do." (That's not an accurate quote, it's just the way I remember it.)

I think lots of people, including the OP's DH, have this Samurai approach. They go through life on the look-out for reasons to do things one way rather than another, once they're in the habit of doing them the right way, no cognitive effort is required to carry on doing so, and they reap the benefits indefinitely. When they meet someone who makes the "wrong" choice, repeatedly, they start by assuming that it's merely education that's required. Then, it begins to dawn on them that the person just doesn't give a fuck. Not only do they not give a fuck that they are polluting their own life with self-destructive sub-optimal behaviour, they don't give a fuck that they are doing the same to everyone around them. The household is being sabotaged from within! The horror! The horror!

formerbabe · 30/12/2013 14:11

Fraidycat...that is spot on! My dh moans about all the little things I forget to do...I forget, as you said, because I don't care! He can remind me forever but I still don't give a rats arse!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 30/12/2013 14:14

My DH opens new milk before using the old one and it drives me mad! It's so wasteful. He also has a habit of leaving chargers everywhere ( toothbrush chargers, shaver etc). Rather than putting them away. Toddler DS likes to find them. I leave dirty tissues everywhere, which is probably worse.

Orangeanddemons · 30/12/2013 18:31

It isn't wasteful! It still gets used! Who cares whether they are all open as long as they are used? It's small minded!

Orangeanddemons · 30/12/2013 18:35

As for the charger thing. Try living with teenagers, they never put the phone back

maddy68 · 30/12/2013 19:13

I can't see the problem at all. I don't think he is trying to control you. It's normal?

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 30/12/2013 19:52

mobileoffice.about.com/od/laptopstabletpcs/qt/dangers-of-laptop-overheating.htm isnt leaving a laptop on all the time a fire hazard? The little buggers can get damned hot!

And leaving a window open is just daft if the heating is on

but he cant nag you about that stuff while not being willing to compromise on something that bothers you (granted, shoes are neither energy wasting nor fire hazard, but still...)

JourneyintoCake · 30/12/2013 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

AwfulMaureen · 31/12/2013 11:13

Fraidy* that's it in a nutshell. I DO give a bit of a fuck about things such as the electricity bill but I don't give a fuck about some things which bring DH out in a cold sweat. He can't cope with my lack of fucks given. He in the meantime doesn't give a fuck about germy shoes on my floor....

OP posts:

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