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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at Dh's constant "Management" of me?

66 replies

AwfulMaureen · 29/12/2013 22:22

He's always got some gripe...."Can you please remember to turn off your laptop when you go to bed Awful? It's on ALL night all the time playing videos and chewing up electricity."

And "Please shut the bedroom window before you leave the bedroom in the morning....the blast of icy air is freezing the house out."

He leaves early and so I'm the last one out of the room....at night we sleep with the window open.

Anyway...he goes on and on about "Turn off the lights...turn off the laptop...." and it annoys me!

He walks around the house in his outdoor shoes and won't get to grips with taking them off but I'm supposed to take his "advice". Angry

OP posts:
ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus · 29/12/2013 23:44

FGS turn your laptop off, and unplug it. One if my FB friends was lucky to avoid a house fire after her laptop battery caught fire. Wasn't a cheap laptop either. It's not an unreasonable request, it's sensible.

Shutting the window is perfect reasonable too, I'd be annoyed if either of my DDs did either of these things, and you're an adult.

MajesticWhine · 29/12/2013 23:51

Why can't the H shut he window when he gets up, if he feels so strongly about it?

NatashaBee · 29/12/2013 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 30/12/2013 00:05

I think the dh leaves very early, before the heating comes on. OP gets up when the heating kicks in but leaves the window open.

ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus · 30/12/2013 00:33

Turning the laptop off, and unplugging it = sensible, energy saving, and most of all safer.

Shutting the window = common sense, and again energy saving. Do bills not bother you?

Wearing outdoor shoes inside = annoying, but not in the level of not turning a laptop off or shutting a window. Buy him some really decent slippers. Although, I'd draw the line at XH's bloody Church ones.

DoJo · 30/12/2013 01:49

He's right, but it sounds as though you are digging your heels in because you don't think he listens to you, which is bound to result in this kind of impasse. Although I have to say that he is objectively right and your thing about shoes is more like a matter of preference (I know - it divides MN like almost no other topic!) so maybe you conceding two things is worth him conceding one - maybe you could buy him some slippers to encourage him to do things your way...

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 01:54

The shoes on shoes off thing is a rule you have to decide for your household though IMO, and obviously the DP doesn't agree with this rule.

We don't have it in our house.

redshifter · 30/12/2013 02:05

To me YABU. Leaving laptop on and window open is annoying and silly? Leaving shoes on is not, it is your preference.

DizzyZebra · 30/12/2013 02:43

YANBU about the shoes.

YABU for apparently not knowing how to save documents, and for not understanding how sleep mode works.

If you need webpages open i suggest you download Opera internet browser. OH uses it and it automatically opens all webpages you had open last, even after a full shut down.

I dont know if google chrome does this, considering their advice to people using incognito mode is "be aware... Of people looking over your shoulder" (because they can see what youre viewing), i assumed they didnt feel a need to include a feature that could get the user caught out on all the porn google thinks they are using.

Objection · 30/12/2013 03:07

Sorry. sounds to me like YOU - everything he says makes sense for energy/security purposes

I wouldn't call reminding you to close the window as "managing your life"

DizzyZebra · 30/12/2013 03:26

I agree with objection.

I dont think its unreasonable to ask for no shoes indoors but tbf, you are doing to him exactly what he is doing to you as well.

Its part of living together though, isnt it? I have never, ever been able to spend time around someone who didnt in some way annoy me, bar one person.

My other half annoys the shit out of me with various habits - Main two being putting rubbish NEXT TO the bin. And also if he has beer, he lines up the bottles on either the windowsill, fireplace or the worktop.

I annoy him by leaving keys everywhere and losing them, to the point he has to be "in charge" of the keys (i did ask him to be he hasnt taken my keys) and leaving lights on.

It doesnt cause problems though. Just get on with it.

differentnameforthis · 30/12/2013 05:58

MajesticWhine

Most electronic items use as much electricity in sleep mode, so I can understand why her dh would like it off.

Rosencrantz · 30/12/2013 05:59

Don't think of it as managing, he's just frugal.

Spend the cash saved on something nice!

friday16 · 30/12/2013 06:20

Most electronic items use as much electricity in sleep mode

Nonsense.

And in the case of any modern laptop, double nonsense.

A hibernating laptop uses no energy.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 06:28

My laptop uses energy when hibernating.

They all do. They have to.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 06:30

Sorry I meant sleep! Ignore me.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 06:32

But yes, hibernate is different from sleep.

www.howtogeek.com/128507/htg-explains-should-you-shut-down-sleep-or-hibernate-your-laptop/

Might be useful to read OP.

you should turn it off at night anyway. Terrible on its life span if you don't.

wanderings · 30/12/2013 06:33

This is probably a case of "It's not what you say, it's the way you say it"; an issue I have frequently at home.

Perfectly reasonable requests are made a lot on both sides in my house; but often met with sighs if they are delivered in the wrong way. Asking me to do things with a smile is fine. Doing it in a voice which makes me feel like a nagged teenager is not. Demanding something is definitely out. I am an adult, and proud of it, and nobody will speak to me as if I am a teenager, not even my nearest and dearest!

Also I have found varying the way it is said can help. Sometimes I come to know that when breath is drawn in a certain way, I am about to hear a nag of some sort. Some days begin with "would you mind...", others "do remember to...," but the asker should say it with a smile; it can really help to take the sting out of it.

friday16 · 30/12/2013 07:18

But yes, hibernate is different from sleep.

It is. However, a sleeping laptop will nonetheless use substantially less energy than one running video screensavers, to take a particularly egregious example. Most laptops will sleep on battery for a couple of days, so the power consumption is about 10% of their normal state. That is processor in idle with the clock right down plus keeping the RAM alive, pretty much everything else powered off and spun down. There's no excuse for not enabling that: the machine will come straight back in a couple of seconds when awoken. Hibernate can take tens of seconds, depending on how much RAM there is an how fast the disk is.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 07:21

Yeah I know how it works, I was just saying sleep mode does use energy

chrome100 · 30/12/2013 09:52

I always leave my laptop off - I thought once you closed the lid it went into "sleep" mode and didn't use any power?

chrome100 · 30/12/2013 09:52

laptop ON

youretoastmildred · 30/12/2013 10:01

This isn't about the lap top is it, it is about the fact that your dp has appointed himself as the boss and can oversee things, including you.

Just ignore it. I agree with him about the lap top but so does everyone else, that is neither here nor there.
Ignoring it might not work but I don't know what will. Every now and then I tell my dp that he isn't in charge, he is not automatically allowed to offer "feedback" and I don't appreciate the constant drip of criticism. This changes nothing, it just means he carries on trying to boss me about but preceding it all with "this is not a criticism, but...." and then a load of crap about stuff he knows nothing about because I have done it a different way for a reason.

sometimes I think I could only win by appointing myself as a boss figure and pre-empting his criticism by criticising his way of doing everything and pointing out why it is wasteful, slow, expensive, inefficient, whatever. but I can't be arsed. I don't want to be in charge and moaning all the time. I put up with him, by choice, he can just get off his little box and put up with me, I don't want to get up on the stupid box. If I am forced to get up there then I have lost anyway.

formerbabe · 30/12/2013 10:07

Oh gosh...my dh is exactly the same! Drives me crazy...I have always left a light on, a cupboard door ajar, not charged my computer properly, left the charger plugged in! We have screaming rows about it as I feel criticised constantly. Before he comes home from work, I do a quick look round the house to see what minor error I have made. For example, I am home all day with two kids, he comes home to a spotless house, dinner done, clothes washed, kids bathed and ready for bed, and god forbid, I didn't tie the bag with the bread in it up, so I get half an hour of him moaning at me cos the bread will go off quicker!

I have no solution I'm afraid but the rant did me good!

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