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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be disappointed with my PiL attitude towards our children

46 replies

loisin · 29/12/2013 21:49

DH and I have been married six years, we have two lovely children DD 5 and DS 2. We're very happy. However, I've never got on with my MiL - long story, nothing particularly unusual I just find her overbearing, bossy and judgemental.

PiL are very well off. Their house is worth about £650k, they own a second property that they paid for in cash and MiL has about £30k in her current account (I know because DH saw a bank statement on their kitchen table)

DD's 5th birthday was in October, MiL bought her a High School Musical bag with a docking station for an iPod/iPhone etc(neither of which she has). It has a mic and speakers built in and works a bit like a karaoke machine (I realise I haven't described that very well) DD likes singing and it's be a nice present, if it wasn't second hand from a car boot sale / charity shop and only worked for a few minutes before breaking. I looked online to if we could replace it without DD realising, to find out that they were discontinued about six years ago and are on sale on eBay for 99p. In fairness, she also bought her some leggings from Tescos.

So, Christmas. She gives DD 3 gifts. A fairy making kit, a glitter picture kit (both RRP £5, but the kind of thing you get in Home Bargains for 49P / 99p) and a bag with some shower gel in. The shower gel had split and had leaked inside the bag.

She also spent the whole visit mimicking DD's regional accent (they're from Surrey) which I found really distasteful.

AIBU to think that it wouldn't kill them to make a bit more effort with their grandchildren?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 29/12/2013 21:55

They don't give a fuck. And before anyone comes on and accuses you of being money grabbing I don't think you are.

Being that wealthy and spending £3 on your grand child for Christmas is just shit - no excuse unless she's pathologically terrified of being poor and has severe mental distress through that.

AMumInScotland · 29/12/2013 21:55

I'd tell them they're well out of order laughing at a child's accent.

As to the money they have, and the amount they spend... well, I don't think you should think in those terms.

ChristmasDayIsAGoodDay · 29/12/2013 21:57

Try not to be too bothered about the gifts. They're obviously rich because they're so stingy!

I would be far more angry about the mickey taking out of your dd'd accent. Stuck up bitch.

Goldmandra · 29/12/2013 21:58

That is exactly why she has 30k in her current account.

Let the money side of it go. It's not important.

However I would put my foot down about her mimicking your DD's accent. That's just unpleasant. Tell your DH to sort it or you will.

TheFabulousIdiot · 29/12/2013 22:00

What does your DH think?

foslady · 29/12/2013 22:01

I would be able to rise above the gift giving - when dd's old enough I'd make a joke about it.
The piss take about accents would be unforgivable considering their language and confidence in using it are still developing

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 22:04

Spending £3 isn't even the issue, if it had been £3 spent on something your dd actually wanted that wasn't crap.

Make sure you find the most hideous scarf in Oxfam for her next gift.

IceNoSlice · 29/12/2013 22:05

My GPs were a bit like this. They thought things like ice creams or birthday gifts were frivolous but gave me a savings account that saw me through uni. Just their way.

Never took the piss about my northern twang though, that is mean.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2013 22:08

They're horrible.

That's all.

What does your DH say?

goodgrief54 · 29/12/2013 22:12

I assume she was equally stingey with ds? was she mean with your dh when growing up? you are definitely not being unreasonable! to pick on a child is totally unacceptable..

Solongsucker · 29/12/2013 22:30

Money is irrelevant unless she is buying a pony for other grandchildren
The accent thing, I would have not let her away with. That's is just unpleasant. Maybe it's just me, but done people think being old is an excuse to be bloody mean and rude.

FestiveYoni · 29/12/2013 22:37

I think the older generation have a different attitude to gifts and money.

I am not old but when I think of what my DD had for xmas and what I used to get....Even the fact she has an enormous bank of films to draw on, recorded, and those on love film, net flix...and i had one old black and white tV i HAD TO spend ages trying to get a fuzzy picture on it, then that would be taken from me by another siblings....and one main tv with aerial that lots of other people had prior claim too...

I think as someone else said you would have to put this spending in context...are they generally OK GP's...do they lavish treats on themselves, what did you get for presents, do you know that they have lavished on others?

I strongly suspect they are prudent and tight generally and yes this is probably why they have some £ in the bank.

unless you have a bigger picture I would not take it personally,

ViviPru · 29/12/2013 22:37

Money is irrelevant unless she is buying a pony for other grandchildren That's a pretty good way of looking at it. I totally sympathise that it must be irksome, OP, but unless you needed money for something urgent to do with her care that you couldn't afford yourselves and they were denying her, you just have to let it go. They're nobs, did you really expect better from them??

The regional accent thing is a disgrace. I say that as someone who has been belittled for my own. Really not nice. Shitty situation for you.

GlitzAndGiggles · 29/12/2013 22:41

My gp's are from the north east and I'm from london so they've always mocked me but never in a nasty way they just put on a cockney accent. I find it more funny than offensive

FatOwl · 30/12/2013 13:07

What does your Dh think?

Are there other GC who are getting much better/more thoughtful presents? Dh went through childhood getting really shit presents from an aunt (think 49p face flannel for example) but was left 10K in her will.

The accent thing is totally unacceptable though

WooWooOwl · 30/12/2013 13:31

Mimicking your dds accent isn't own if it's done in an unkind way, but I think you are being rude about the gifts.

How much their house is worth is nothing to do with you or your children. How much your mil has in the bank is nothing to do with you or your children.

YANBU to say you'd appreciate it if gifts to your children were a bit more thoughtful, but you are coming across as if you don't care what the presents are as long as they cost more money.

You sound greedy and rude.

BohemianGirl · 30/12/2013 13:39

What does your DH think about it?

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2013 13:43

Have you always been this money minded about other people's money?

And where does your DH get off reading other people's bank statements just because they're on the table?

The pair of you sound awful

The only point you have is the mimicking of your DD's accent, that's not on at all.

paxtecum · 30/12/2013 13:45

OP: Often people with money, have money because they are tight.

My DGCs live at the opposite end of the country to me and always mimic my accent, which I find very funny.

Maybe it's time for your DCs to mimic MIL accent.

ShatnersBassoon · 30/12/2013 14:00

My in-laws find our kids' accent amusing. They mimic them, but they're not mean about it, I think they like the way they talk and it's all done with warmth. It's just strange to their ears so they can't help but comment. MIL almost pissed herself laughing when DS said 'Ey up, Nan' to her . I would be cross if they were being cruel and making us feel like funny little provincials though.

I agree with a previous poster about how giving gifts used to be quite different not all that long ago. I used to get something small from grandparents, for example a beaded purse, a teddy bear or a money box. I think it was quite normal then, we certainly didn't expect anything else. Perhaps your in-laws are a bit old-fashioned about this sort of thing.

skittycat · 30/12/2013 14:05

I think YABU regarding the amount of money you seem to expect to be spent on your children. It doesn't matter how wealthy someone is, it is their choice on how much they spend. You seem to have decided that the more money that is spent, the more effort they are making.

Did you say anything to her about mimicking of accents? Perhaps she found it amusing without realising it was a bit cruel. Either way, if you didn't pull her up about it, how is she supposed to know you find it offensive?

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2013 14:06

Their house may well be worth £650k now but maybe it wasn't always worth that.

As to reading other people's bank statements...

And it would never have occurred to me to price gifts that my DC received - my MIL has very odd gift buying habits but she means well.

The accent thing - might be intended to be funny but if not then that's not on really.

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2013 14:08

Actually - the house value, bank statement and second property are all irrelevant.

It's their money, not yours.

Cascumpec · 30/12/2013 14:10

I had a similar situation with my boys. My parents (the only GPs as PIL deceased, and only grandchildren for my parents)would send a few scrappy little Poundstore things when they were little and stuck some money in card as they got older. The money wasn't even enough to buy a CD. No money issues for them, they are fairly well off. But I kept my mouth shut because on DS1' s first birthday they said they had bought him a savings bond and would do so every year on his birthday so that when the time came he would have a little nest egg for Uni.

SOOOOOO hard to say nothing though when she tells you what she bought/spent on the DOG'S Christmas presents and it is quite obviously way more than the GC! But I held my tongue.

Anyhow, the time finally came...DS1 was off to Uni. I didn't want to be cheeky and ask for the 18 years of savings but eventually I had to come out with it as time was moving on and no one had mentioned the money and was told 'oh those bonds weren't worth it, we stopped doing it after the second year.' Ffs!

HermioneWeasley · 30/12/2013 14:16

Agree, as long as they are equally mean with all GCs then it's ok.

The regional accent teasing would not be allowed in my house

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