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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at what FIL tried to show dd3 today?

56 replies

Dancergirl · 29/12/2013 18:26

We visited my PIL today, they live about an hour away. I've posted before about FIL being pretty disinterested in his grand-daughters but thought we'd make an effort today.

We arrived, took coats off etc, FIL was trying to get dd3 to warm to him. Dd was a bit clingy at first (to me) but after a while I realised they weren't in the room. Lunch was just about to be served then so I went upstairs to find dd. FIL was going on about showing 'something' to dd3 and was unzipping something that looked like a long canvas case. I then realised it was a gun Shock as I suddenly remembered dh saying he keeps a gun, no idea why.

But to show it to a 6 year old....??! I hurriedly ushered dd downstairs. I have no idea what to do or who to talk to, or if I'm over-reacting. I don't know much about guns but it looked like it was about a metre long.

OP posts:
KickassCoalition · 29/12/2013 19:30

DP has a shotgun (licensed) and it is a beautiful thing, etched all over with dogs and pheasants. DD (5) loves to look at it.

It is kept unloaded in a gun cabinet that Buffy wouldn't be able to get in without the key.

It is a strange thing to just show a child for no real reason, but it won't do her any lasting damage.

TidyDancer · 29/12/2013 19:30

I wouldn't be happy about this. Did you say anything to FIL? I would say he likely doesn't understand the problem with doing it, so go easy on him if a conversation needs to happen, but it does need to be said that you're not happy about your DD being exposed to guns and would he please not show her again.

LadyJx · 29/12/2013 19:30

My Grandfather had gun's and used to show us all the time. He taught us about the dangers of guns but also the necessity in certain situations. He was a prisoner of war and I found his stories entirely captivating and if he had still been alive I've got to say I would have had no problem doing the same with DD... Is that awful? It's just a normal part of my childhood to me and certainly didn't have an adverse affect on me and my brother...

If you are really that uncomfortable with it just have a wee chat with your FIL and explain this, or get hubby to say something.

However you deal with it I wouldn't make too big a deal of it. Chances are there was zero malice in it and he probably just thought DD would be interested.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 19:31

Christ! It was a gun! Im sure she will be just fine!
He's trying to make the effort, and by the sound of it hes not good with girls. Maybe you should just breathe a little!

ILoveRacnoss · 29/12/2013 19:33

My dad has shotguns and rifles ecause he shoots for sport. He's shown them to my DCs and has explained to them how to handle them properly, with all due care for safety. I don't see the problem at all!

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 29/12/2013 19:35

SERvice - i assume you have a bloody big garden!

The Gun needs to be registered and kept in a locked cabinet that is screwed to the ground. I am not sure this is the same if its deactivated - we have an air gun in the loft, i was going to take it to the police on the amnesty thing (even though its legal - i think Blush)but i coudlnt be arsed to get it out of the loft. I would happily show DD (who is 8) but there is no way on this earth that I would let her use it. No way.

BarbarianMum · 29/12/2013 19:36

Oh my great uncle did exactly this. I was thrilled and warmed to him massively (I'm very anti-gun now but I was 8 at the time). The chorus of disapproval from Gran and The Aunts made me warm to him even more.

Thanks - that's brought back a very happy memory. Smile

SirChenjin · 29/12/2013 19:38

It sounds like he was trying to get her attention and share something that's special to him with her. As long as it's not loaded, deactivated etc and he didn't let her use it I can't see any problem with it - I bet she loved it Smile

NewBlueCoat · 29/12/2013 19:39

I'm not sure why it is so weird. It is a gun (sounds like a shotgun), and FIL is interested. Did dd seem distressed at all? Or was she vaguely curious?

Dh has a shotgun (licensed), and t is kept securely. However all 3 dc have seen it/touched it when e comes back from shooting and is cleaning it (dd2 has probably helped to clean it, tbh. She is 6) and none of them has spontaneously combusted this far.

If ou are anti guns them say something. Otherwise, surely FIL was just sharing a curiosity?

MrsBennetsEldest · 29/12/2013 19:40

Excellent post Uterus,

And can I add that children who grow up with guns respect them far more than others.

madwomanintheatt1c · 29/12/2013 19:40

God, I thought you were going to say his penis. That would have been infuriating.

Guns?

Meh.

Hysterical over-reaction. I doubt he was giving her in-depth detail about how to murder people. He may have been instilling in her the importance of recognising they are not toys, and not to be touched without his supervision, but I guess it's better (in your eyes) if she's tumbles across it and has a play, eh?

Bonkers. Has she never seen toy story, or any cartoons where guns feature? Far more sensible that an adult explains the difference, and that they can really kill, rather than ignoring the fact that they exist. Even at 6.

Dh was in the army. Our kids drove past armed guards every day, and have been aware of weapons from v early. No idea why you would want to keep guns as some sort of dangerously illicit grown-up thing. Kids need to know the rules, especially if there guns in houses that they visit. Entirely normal.

Did he get it for Christmas? She probably asked him what Santa brought, and so he showed her? Grin he's probably very proud of it and wanted to share, in the same way that she wanted to show him her new barbie, despite the fact he isn't very interested in Barbie. It's lovely that he's sharing and building a relationship with her.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 19:41

In UK fire arms are strictly regulated. Unless fil is a member of the criminal class it is extremely unlikely he doesn't have a licence. Licences are issued by the police and you need to reapply every 5(3?)years with 2 references. I have provided references although I don't shoot myself and the police have always checked them.

Guns must be kept in an approved locked cabinet and ammunition must be kept separately. A loaded gun should be carried "broken when not in use.

At 6 years old my son just loved the armoury section of museums and castles etc.

SirChenjin · 29/12/2013 19:43

DBIL has a gun which he uses to shoot grey squirrels. Their tails are then cut off (or, as the DC3 believes, the tails then fall off when the squirrel dies) and pinned to the wall of the shed.

I'm not entirely sure about this, but the DCs are positively in awe of the man.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 19:45

I thought this was going to be porn related. It's an overreaction

Oakmaiden · 29/12/2013 19:46

I think you are allowed to shoot squirrels.

In fact I was surprised to learn, recently, that when you trap a squirrel it is against the law to let it go again...

TeeManyMartoonis · 29/12/2013 19:51

So you are unhappy that he is 'dis-interested', he tries to do something to form a link and you usher her away? Right Hmm.

SirChenjin · 29/12/2013 19:51

Yes - you're allowed to shoot grey squirrels but not the red ones (obviously!). Cutting off their tails seems a bit gratuitous, but perhaps I just need to imagine them falling off Grin

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 19:52

Grey squirrel are vermin but red are protected. Re trapping that sounds very unlikely. Trapping in general has very strict rules about the type of traps and where they can be set. I'm not aware of anything that says you can't release and free an animal.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 19:53

You'd have a coronary if you hung around my family! All of the ILs are gun/knife/explosive mad, both BILs work in civilian army roles, love the memorabilia, spend days on rifle ranges, spent their childhoods dismantling shot gun cartridges and smoke bombs and shooting DP with airguns!
DD can shoot a gun with the rest of them, and DS aged 12 got serious street cred at secondary school for having proof that he had shot a sniper rifle at Bisley!
None of the family are particularly unhinged, it hasn't done them much harm, and my kids are perfectly lovely!
Your DD will live!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 19:55

Re squirrel release, grey squirrels probably come under the same directive as American Signal Crayfish. They are invaders which are threatening our own natural wildlife, and as non indigenous species, it is an offence to release them back after capture.

scarlettsmummy2 · 29/12/2013 19:56

My dad keeps shot guns as he shoots every weekend. I don't particularly like them but wouldn't be bothered about my children seeing them. I remember my brothers and cousins loved helping him clean them at around your daughters age.

TheGinLushMinion · 29/12/2013 20:00

Struggling to see the problem tbh & think you need to calm down a little then rethink it.

pixiepotter · 29/12/2013 20:17

Ha ha I was hoping it wasn't going to be his winkle, especially when you started talking about him 'unzipping'.
Don't really get the problem??

RedToothBrush · 29/12/2013 20:17

You complain that your FIL doesn't do anything with your daughters and isn't interested in them.

When he tries to show them something that is probably very close to his heart you have a shit fit about it. You might not like it, but its not illegal if he has a licence and is heavily regulated in the UK. (Unlike the US) And like others have said, it might be an air rifle.

You can't have it both ways and tbh its sounds like you just dislike your FIL and it sounds like your FIL would like to be interested in the girls but if this is his passion it wouldn't be surprising if he found it difficult to relate to them.

I think you either need to stop being critical of him, or to shut up and let him bond with your daughters over something he loves.

rabbitlady · 29/12/2013 20:22

gun? not a problem to me, either, and i'm not a trendy liberal mner.
from the thread title, i thought he'd tried to show her porn or his private parts.