To forgive my friend who lied to me about what she's doing with DS?

[FoxyHarlow123]

AIBU or just too darn R? My friend looks after my DS in the week. I pay her to do this. She is amazing with him and he loves her and I trust her implicitly. By sheer chance, I found out that she was lying to me about something she was doing with him - as in, she said she was taking him to a group but she wasn't. She bareface lied about it and only confessed when she'd run out of options. After she confessed, she was mortified and said all the right things and I said I was prepared to let it go cos I don't want anyone else looking after DS. But it's still on my mind and bubbling under the surface, that she took my money and lied to me. So, am I a mug to just forget it and carry on like nothing has happened? WWYD?

OP you haven't made it clear whether you were giving her additional money to pay for the group over and above the sum you pay for general childcare from her.

That is key as it then becomes about more than just her struggling to juggle commitments.

What alarms me is the weirdness of this. How easy would it have been to just say to you "oh I couldn't manage to take junior FoxyHarlow to tumbletots/music group/delete as applicable today as I was just so snowed under with xyz. I'm really sorry" Why did she feel she couldn't be honest?

Was she worried about admitting to being caught up with doing xyz while her sole focus should have been on your DS?

Why did she lie. That would be the basis on which I would make the decision about whether or not to continue to have her look after your child and put this behind you. But even if you used a different childminder there wouldn't be a guarantee they wouldn't say they did this and that and didn't do it. I don't think it works well to have a friend as a childminder.

She didn't take a child in her care to a baby group which she felt she should have - she was probably run off her feet organising the older ones or sorting other things out and felt bad that she didn't take him. We all tell little lies or allow others to think something happened/didn't happen - all of us. It's not a major thing - a baby group. She is good with DS & you trust her care of him. None of us are perfect. Let it go.

Got to go out now but thanks so much for all the quick responses. Really helpful to just sound it all out. And I'm not looking to hear what I want to hear either - am genuinely looking for some perspective.

Oh well take your time OP

I mean there's no point hurrying back so you can continue to ignore most of the questions put to you.

I'm glad it's been really helpful...though fuck knows how

Aw worraliberty you took the words right out of my mouth and presented them far more eloquently than I could have done.

So basically this is one of those where OP keeps replying until she gets someone who says YANBU HUN KEEP LETTING HER LOOK AFTER HIM EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES

Chipping "we all tell little lies..."
Speak for yourself ! I don't lie, unless it's a white lie to not upset someone or hurt their feelings.
On another thread I remember you suggesting to the OP that she should trick her DP into having a baby. Your moral compass is very dubious indeed! Needs some alining.

That's not like me strongurgetofly

I normally throw alphabet spaghetti at the screen and hope for the best

Nice summing up Worra.

I think this qualifies as one of the Most Pointless AIBUs of 2013.

Christmas has certainly brought a rush of late contenders for that title.

Why is OP ignoring most of the questions put to her?!

That would make me feel massively uncomfortable and I wouldn't be able to trust someone I knew had lied.

For me there is a huge difference if someone lies and then confesses to if they maintain a lie for a significant period of time.

Did she benefit financially from the lie?
If so, has she returned that money to you?